Big Decision about school

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. I've finally come to the realization that Columbia University isn't the right school for me, there are just too many negative feelings there for me to ever really be happy in that environment. Unhappiness triggers my depression, which triggers my binge eating disorder (diagnosed by a psychologist specializing in eating disorders) and so on and so forth.

The most important thing in my life right now (at age 20) should be my health. I want to make sure that I've fully conquered my demons now while I still have the time, rather than waiting until I'm older and it feels too late. So I've left Columbia for good and I actually feel really great about that. I know that I left for the right reasons. I was succeeding academically (3.69 GPA), but I was absolutely miserable there and that's not how I want to remember my college experience. I'm staying with my Aunt in Jersey right now, but in a few months I'm heading back home and I'm going to enroll in individual and group therapy. I also have several goals I want to meet: I want to continue with my weight-loss, I want to work on my social skills by joining one or two organizations, I want to finally learn how to drive, and I want to research financial aid and transfer options. I want to return to school by fall of 2012, so I need to keep on top of transfer applications and whatnot since I want to transfer over to a school that is closer to home and also has more sense of camaraderie/school spirit. I like feeling a sense of community and I really didn't get that vibe at all while at Columbia.

I had my misgivings about going back to Columbia after my first medical leave, but in a way going back was a good thing because now I have no doubts that I am making the right decision for me. In the short term this decision might be a difficult one, but in the long run I think that this decision will make me a happier and healthier person.

Thanks for your support and I'll keep you updated.

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Stress of school reflecting in my eating

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

So I've been back for two weeks now. It's been pretty hard. I've hit the gym, but nowhere near as much as I did when I was home. Have lots of reading and miss my family like crazy. I've lost a couple pounds but now I'm really feeling the stress and in the last few days I've had 2 splurges. 1st I got a little tipsy and polished off a whole bag of pep-farms chocolate cookies and a friends birthday party, secondly tonight I went to JJ's and ate breakfast at night (Gah, I haven't had pancakes in ages). I just hope this isn't a trend that continues or else in the next few months I won't be able to lose any weight and will have to hit the gym decently hard just to maintain. Most days I've been pretty good though. I just hope that I don't an a splurge more than every couple of weeks. But I am joining an "eating concerns" group at my university next week so that once a week I can talk about my eating fears. Huh, I hope it's just the stress of re-familiarizing myself with school that is making me do this and that once I have my routine down that I'll get back into the groove. But no matter what, even if I do splurge more often then when I was home, I will maintain my weight loss (if I have to go to the gym at 6am to do it)!

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Lost 100 lbs, going back to school.

Monday, January 10, 2011

My plane back to school leaves today so I stepped on the scale for my last at home weigh-in and was ecstatic that it read 180 lbs. That is exactly 100 lbs less than what I weighed in January of '09. I think that's fantastic especially considering that in between those 2 years I took a year long hiatus from eating anything remotely healthy.

I thank God that I took medical leave from school and sought counseling for binge eating. I got the help I needed to overcome my addiction from food and now my quality of life is so much greater.

I'm nervous about returning to school but now I realize I can do anything I put my mind to. I just need to focus and really want it. I'm not setting myself a weight-loss goal for school, I just want to maintain for those few months because I know how stressed out I will be at school and don't want to put more pressure on myself with whether or not I reach weight loss goals I set. Rather I am going to try to lose more weight when I get out for summer break. If I do lose weight this Spring I'll be thrilled, but if I don't I'll be happy that I didn't gain because I know many people struggle with weight maintenance as well.

I'll blog in a week or so to update on school and such.

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Butternut Squash Soup

Thursday, September 30, 2010

CookWithMe65 requested that I post my recipe for butternut squash soup so here it is. I hope if any of you try it you'll let me know how you liked it?

Ingredients:

Butternut Squash (about 2.5 lbs), cubed and peeled
2 medium sweet potato, cubed and peeled
1 yellow onion, diced
1 celery stalk, chopped
2 medium carrots, chopped
3 apples, peeled and chopped (I like using Washington apples)
1 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup nonfat milk
5 cups reduced sodium chicken broth
1 tsp nutmeg
salt and pepper to taste

Steps:
In soup pot, heat butter and add vegetables and apples turning on medium heat for about 15 minutes.
Add chicken broth until the veggies are covered. Cover pot and cook on low-medium heat for 45 minutes.
Transfer the mixture to the blender in batches, blending until nice and smooth.
Add milk and seasonings and if you have broth left add that until you reach your desired consistency.

That's it. Hope you enjoy this Fall recipe!

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Two Milestones: Under 200 and no longer obese. YIPPEE!!!!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Today when I weighed myself I was ecstatic to find that I was 198 and had finally reached my goal of being under 200 lbs. I mean I can barely remember a time when I was under 200 lbs, I think that the last time I was under 200 I was about 10 or maybe 11 years old so it's been almost 10 years. I've tried to lose weight so many times and many times I'd get 20 or 30 lbs away from 200 but then I'd give up again. So I really had started to lose hope that I'd ever see the 100's any time in my teens. Just in the nick of time, since I'm only going to be a teenager for another couple of months. Gosh I'm just so happy that I don't really know how to put what I'm feeling into words. It's like I'm excited, hopeful and scared all at the same time. I'm excited that I was finally able to reach my goal, hopeful that I'll be able to reach future goals I set for myself, and scared of how much more it would hurt if I backslid now.

But on top of that I'm also now at a BMI under 30 which means that I can finally say that I am no longer classed as Obese. Gosh I always hated that label. Yeah I'm still overweight, but it somehow seems more possible to reach a normal weight when ur overweight rather than obese. Now I'm just happy and feel another step closer to being a person with a healthy weight. I never thought I'd get this far and now I can't really imagine a future where I could give up feeling this good.

Plus, today my job interview for a cashier position at Target went well and they offered me a seasonal position and tonight is the premiere of the new season of the Biggest Loser. So today is definitely a good day for me. Yay!!!!

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