Saturday, November 30, 2013
November 30, 2013. I see the date on my calendar and contemplate on the past 11 months of my life, where did I start this year, what have I done, and what accomplishments have I had. A feeling of emptiness engulfs me. I feel I have no control over my life or over anything that concerns me. The optimism and energy I had at the beginning of the year is now depleted. I take a deep breath and allow my mind to go blank. I allow all my feelings to be what they are; the disappointment in myself, the lack of focus, the lack of direction, of goals, of believing in myself, of not doing enough and going beyond what I know I am capable of. I allow my feelings to encompass me, allowing myself to feel every one of them. Another deep breath. The nagging compressed feeling I have on my chest. I am aware of my heart beating at its own pace, telling me I am alive. A few minutes go by. I let go, I let go of the year behind me. I have a picture in my mind of what I want myself to accomplish, of where I want to be, of where I know I can be. And then I know, this minute is my new beginning.