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I weighed in today . . .

Monday, January 07, 2013

. . . and I am a half kilo over the arbitrary range I set for myself as being "at goal".
This is also 2.5 kilos above the weight I was at the beginning of December. (but at a BMI of 20.5, it is still a good weight for me)

I knew I had gained weight. My eating was not what it should be over the break (see previous blog).

In some ways, the number means absolutely nothing. I am not sure that I gained anything from jumping on the scale. I just wanted a benchmark I suppose.

My feelings are still the same.

What I weigh is not important - what is important is how I feel. If I am respecting my feelings - emotions, feelings of hunger, thirst, responding to what my body needs etc etc then my body will find its balance point. It might be a weight above my original 'maintenance goal' - but it wont be back where I started from . . . because at that weight I was out of touch with what I needed, I was depressed and sedentary.

My body is talking to me - I just have to improve my listening skills.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTYKLAVER 1/9/2013 8:03AM

    Sounds like you're on the right path. Good for you!

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KELTIC-CARA 1/7/2013 5:29PM

    Good thinking, you are right, we need to hone our skills more to listening to our bodies.


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    we get the results of what we put in. ...and I hate how what we put in shows up as results on our body and the scale! haha

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    Makes sense to me! Thanks for sharing!

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MR.NET1 1/7/2013 2:42AM


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My holiday horror

Saturday, January 05, 2013

This is really difficult for me to write about - but at the same time, I want to get it off my chest. What should I have done? What would you have done?

I spent part of the holidays with my cousin - who I am not very close to, but she was invited to stay with my parents too. Her husband became seriously ill with cancer at the beginning of last year, and passed away a few months ago. Not a great year for her.

When we saw her at the funeral we noticed she had lost weight - understandable considering the stressful year she must have had.

When she came to stay for the holidays, we were concerned that she was disappearing at meal times (I'm not hungry, I'm too tired etc) - leading us to believe she has developed some disordered eating habits. Kind of natural, given her circumstances, and hopefully something that will pass as she comes to terms with her new life.

What is awful is her children. They are only young, and are obese. This is not something that has developed this year - it was always the case. Her son is 4, and wears clothes for a 12 year old.

I was worried about holidaying with my cousin, since I knew that they could not have good eating habits, and I did not want that to influence my children. Those worries turned out to be largely unfounded (there were a few incidents I did not like - but not often enough to make me put my foot down) - as the others were staying in the granny flat, and so did a lot of their eating out of sight of my kids. The main emotion I felt was sorrow - for those kids. They face a lifetime of health issues if things don't change.

An example of a conversation
(My son had been in their flat playing with cousin's son at about 4pm in the afternoon)
Cousin "Your son probably wont be that hungry for dinner - they have just been snacking on museli bars, crackers, and yoghurt. I'd just give him a sandwich before he goes to bed if I was you'
Me "Actually, he would not normally snack at this time. Anyway, we have proper meal times, so he will sit down for dinner. If he doesn't eat much that's fine - but he will not be offered a sandwich later"
Cousin "Oh - its just that I forgot to give my son lunch today, so he was really hungry and could not wait until dinner "
{Alarm bells!!!!! Forgot lunch. Seems like that is convenient for you, since you are not eating properly . . . but what is the impact on your kids!!!!}.
So her son had no lunch, lots of snacks, no dinner and then a sandwich before bed. That's two meals missed in a day - replaced with much lower nutritional, higher calorie options.
Her comment "It won't hurt him to miss the odd meal . . . it's not like he is fading away".

Another conversation at 5pm another day.
Cousin "I'm just getting the kids ice creams - should I give yours one?"
Me "No! I am just making dinner for all the kids, it will be ready in about 20 mins. Maybe they can have the ice creams after dinner?"
Cousin "They have been promised the icecreams, so we will just have them where your kids don't see"
Me - silently to self "Well UNPROMISE them. Tell them you did not realise the time, that dinner is nearly ready, that meals are a priority over snacks, that if they have a good go at dinner they can always have an icecream later!!!!!"

Now, I know standards get relaxed when we are on holidays and staying with other people . . but these are not just holiday habits. I also can not imagine how difficult it would be to parent children who have just lost their father - the temptation to comfort them with food would be huge.

I did not directly make any comment to my cousin. I hoped that by trying to continue doing things my own way, she would see the possibilities. In someways I felt like I was witnessing child abuse - and doing nothing to intervene.

What could I do? What should I do?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYL1 1/5/2013 11:19PM

  if you have never been close, it is impossible to intervene (even if close depending on the person). But you are right, it seems like abuse. Those children are learning all sorts of bad habits/lessons - like that food is a comfort. If she has developed an eating disorder, she might be living her food fantasies through her kids - and giving them junk to avoid cooking for her and them and then tempting herself. My sister had an eating disorder which she talks about now and she says some of it is about control (finding one thing in your life you can control which I am sure can easily happen when living with someone dying). She avoided meal times then - used to arrive just after we had eaten saying she had eaten at the place she had come from while telling them of course she would be eating with us. Tough for those children to cope with all the inevitable bullying and challenges with sports etc as well as a father dying, but hopefully they saw another way from watching your children

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KIM_POSSIBLE77 1/5/2013 8:19PM

    You did the right thing by not letting your children have the sweets. Sadly we cannot raise other's children and with that we cannot really tell them how to raise them. In the state that she is in right now she would have taken everything you said way out of content or just brushed off what you are saying.

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MJREIMERS 1/5/2013 7:48PM

    Is there a matriarch in the family that you could address your concern? Sometimes, the older generation can say more and it not be considered offensive. That and if Grandma or Great Auntie _________ are concerned your cousin may actually listen to them.

You were in a tough position, but I think you handled it well. Sticking with your rules set a good example. Also, you may want to address your concern with your own children. Tell them about healthy eating and exercise. Don't criticize the cousins, but let them know how proud you are of them with their "healthy choices!" (Even if you "helped" them make those choices.)

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KELTIC-CARA 1/5/2013 7:37PM

    You did the only thing possible that I can see and that was to show by example. Even if you had of said something she probably would not have listened. People only pay attention when they are ready for the answer.


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    What you should do is what you know you should do. Do not be an enabler and train your hidden properly. They will think of treats with auntie as something special, not o become an everyday event.

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New Year's (Re)solution

Friday, January 04, 2013

I suspect I have gained weight - but the interesting thing is how I am reacting to this.

I am not jumping on the scale to see what the damage is.
I am not tracking my food again - even though I know this works for weight loss.
I am not mentally putting myself down - I am not hopeless, weak, etc etc.

I am relaxed about a little weight gain. I have been maintaining at the lower end of healthy - and a few extra kilos would still place me around the middle of my healthy BMI zone.
What concerns me is the disordered eating - eating more than I want, eating past comfortable, covert eating, last meal mentality, eating standing up & straight from the packet.

So in the past I might have set a NY resolution to lose X kgs, track everything, exercise xx minutes etc. In many ways, treating the symptoms, rather than the cause.

The cause, of course, is my emotions. The solution is in improving my understanding of these emotions. Journalling, communicating honestly with others, looking inside myself for thirst & hunger cues - & concentrating on what makes me feel right.

I don't need resolutions - I know the solution, I just want to refocus on the solution. That makes it a re-solution.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    This is a great blog! Great analysis, great sense of direction for where to go from here. Thanks for putting this in writing so I can refer back to it.

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A*L*P* 1/4/2013 8:07AM

    Awesome and very insightful! Like you, I didn't jump on the scale even though my eating was less than stellar over the holidays. You worded it absolutely perfect when you said to treat the symptoms over the cause -- YES!!!!!!

I am quite amazed at how my goals have changed since moving back into IE. I have been there with scale goals but now it is more fitness goals and emphasis on nutritious foods. It is an amazing feeling to be here. I wouldn't trade it for a trip on the scale again. Ever.

Keep up the amazing work! You're doing awesome!!!

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ZENNITH 1/4/2013 3:53AM

    Exactly what I have been trying to do, just worded so much better! Great blog - thanks :-)

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KELTIC-CARA 1/4/2013 1:24AM

    An excellent way of looking at it, treating the cause rather than the symptoms. Off to a good start.


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ILIKETOZUMBA 1/4/2013 1:18AM

    I love reading your blogs posts. I hope to be where you are soon! Mentally, at least. And physically, actually. I mean, I'm not planning any overseas travel, but I would LOVE to visit Australia someday!

Anyways. The things you mention struggling with are exactly the things I struggle with when I'm away from home and visiting family and so on. I'm not sure why I experience the same kind of disordered eating behaviors. I guess I'll have to give it some really serious thought. WHY do I eat like that? WHY am I always thinking/worrying about food when I'm at parties or wherever? Why am I always wondering what the next meal will be, when it will be, and how much of it to eat? Why do I always want to eat, even when I'm not hungry and I'm feeling perfectly happy otherwise?

Weird stuff. I think a lot of it has to do with the significantly increased focus on food you necessarily have to cultivate in order to successfully track calories and lose weight, because I never used to be quite so obsessed with eating. But shouldn't be like that.

Thanks for giving me a lot to think about, as always!

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Koala ears or the whole package

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Ok - I think I have a point to make. It might take a bit of a journey to get there - but bare with me.

So, on the weekend I got all my hair cut off. All off. There is not a single hair on my head that is longer than an inch. Great for summer - we will be at the beach for the next couple of weeks, and I intend to do lots of sweaty bike rides . . .and swimming multiple times a day. I just don't want to be thinking - Nah, I wont put my head under, don't want to wash & blow dry my hair again. Pah!

Anyway - yesterday I caught up with a friend who has a similar haircut. After all the usual gushing 'It looks great. It really suits you' (well, she is hardly going to say that she liked it better before) we got to talking about details. She started to point out all the little bits that she wants the hairdresser to get perfect. The sideburns, the neck line, the crown, the koala ears (is that just an Australian expression? - imagine getting fluffy bits behind your ears).

Now this got me thinking.
My friend's haircut really suits her - I have never noticed the minute little adjustments she might get the hairdresser to make. As a whole package, the haircut is great - and that is all we (other people) see. The detail is something that only bothers the bearer (and maybe the hairdresser).

I caught up with another friend who said 'Your hair looks terrific. You just look so young and so skinny'.
Now I have plenty of grey hair, I have wrinkles, I think I have possibly gained a few pounds since I have relaxed on the tracking & got off the scale. I am still learning how to style my spikey bits.
What she is commenting on is the whole package.

I might look at myself and focus on the minute detail. Am I the exact weight that I want to be? Do I have the exact body fat % that I would like? Do I have the smooth skin of my youth?

I have a choice. I can beat myself up by striving to achieve a perfection that just does not exist, and nit pick every little detail . . . or I can know that the whole package is what most people notice. And the whole package suits me fine.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DRUIDPRINCESS 12/14/2012 8:07PM

    Your photos are awesome! Congratulations on your your determination and your stunning results. I agree that we focus so much attention on the few small details that then eat away at our self-esteem and confidence.

Thank you for reminding us that we are the whole package and we are amazing.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DIANNEMT 12/14/2012 8:27AM

    Love the "whole package" idea and yes--I have the focus but should just look at "the whole package" cause I have come SUCH a long way!! Thanks!! And good luck on your maintaining!!

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HDHAWK 12/12/2012 8:47PM

    What a great way to look at things! The style will be great for all your summer activities.

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ROSGETSSERIOUS 12/12/2012 2:41PM

    Fabulous attitude - congratulations for writing a great blog - so true!

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PMRUNNER 12/12/2012 7:34AM

    Thanks for sharing!

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ZENNITH 12/12/2012 6:41AM

    Great blog! I'm guilty of picking the details too!

I wish short hair suited me, I think short hair on women looks great and highlight facial features nicely.

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KELTIC-CARA 12/12/2012 2:28AM

    Most certainly the whole package. What's a Christmas present without wrapping paper and what is wrapping paper without a present. Enjoy your holidays.


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SHEILA1505 12/12/2012 2:25AM


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WENDYJM4 12/12/2012 1:47AM

    this is great. Like the whole package theory

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ILIKETOZUMBA 12/11/2012 11:58PM

    Awesome blog! You're absolutely right about the whole package vs. nitpicking details.

LOL, you're also right about the "koala ears" phrase, I think - that's gotta be an Australian thing. :) I can't think of an equivalent word or expression for that kind of hair that we use in the US...we should adopt "koala ears" as a phrase. It's too cute not to use!

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SLENDERELLA61 12/11/2012 10:12PM

    Brilliant blog!! The whole package suits you for sure. So glad you realized it. Sometimes I over scrutinize. I'll think about your words. Thanks.

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December Goals

Friday, November 30, 2012

While riding my bike this morning, I got to thinking about my December goals (I do some of my best thinking on my bike). I think the change in my goals from November to December says a lot about where I am at - at it is all good

Goals for November - RECAP
1. Keep maintaining - YES
2. 1400 fitness minutes (this assumes I am going to get to spin class each week) - YES
3. Keep focusing my meals and snacks around fruit and vege YES
4. Concentrate on dealing with emotions, without food IN PROGRESS

Goals for December
1. Focus on training for my Feb mountain bike race
2. Regular Upper body ST (I get a sore shoulder if I don't keep on top of this) & Core ST (for better biking performance)
3. Keep practising intuitive eating (am I hungry? what do I want?)
4. During the months festivities - try to focus on what's really important (family, friends, fun & laughter - and those less privileged)

I saw a quote today "The best things in life aren't things at all"
One to remember during this consumer festival!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAKAPES 12/11/2012 3:15AM

    Great goals!
Did you ever experiment with setting only one goal for a month? I tried it a couple of times, and it sounded so "low" at start, but in the end, it was really good, and those "one goals" really stayed for long.

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TENOR4COUNTS 12/6/2012 9:44PM

    Sounds like you really have things under control! Keep up the good work.

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SWEDE_SU 12/6/2012 5:14AM

    great goals - it's interesting how reading other people's blogs helps me focus on where i need to go, too - thank you for sharing!

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PATTYKLAVER 12/5/2012 8:28AM

    You've got a great grasp on your goals. I wish I could be so good at it.

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DEL-AND-COMPANY 12/2/2012 9:44AM

  emoticon emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 12/1/2012 10:46AM

    Great goal!! Great progress!! You not only can do it, you are doing it!!

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PMRUNNER 12/1/2012 7:20AM

    Great goals! Thanks for sharing!

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    Good for you! Thanks for sharing with us!

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SHEILA1505 12/1/2012 4:55AM

    Doing well
Love the quote!

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DARJR50 11/30/2012 8:13PM

  Great set of goals.

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UMBILICAL 11/30/2012 7:57PM

  what matters most

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