Don't cry over spilled doughnuts ... or something like that.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Yesterday ... I had a literal emotional breakdown over a doughnut.

Most of you are not surprised by this. If you have read any of my blogs you know that I am pretty transparent about my struggles with food.

Others might think I'm being ridiculous. That's okay, you are welcome to your own opinions, but before you judge - take some time to get to know me and you will realize that I'm a pretty level-headed girl and (even though I might be a little dramatic at times) I am really doing my best to work my way through this weight loss journey in the most healthy way possible - and that means that I have to get to the bottom of the WHY of my issues and not just the WHAT...

The WHAT is pretty obvious. I have issues. Everyone can see it. Unlike some other addictions - I can't hide in the dark, or in the privacy of my own home, or in a bar somewhere. My addiction is blaring loud and clear for everyone to see and to judge. They say that the first step in breaking any addiction is to acknowledge that you have a problem...

Well, Ive done that - 3 different times. Yes, I have lost over 70 lbs on 2 different occasions - and here I am again, back to getting those same 70 lbs off again. I wont quit ... I will keep fighting for my life. It may be shameful - but I can deal with that too. So...again I say - the WHAT is obvious - I can deal with the WHAT.

However, if I want to keep the weight off this time - or any time ... I MUST find the WHY. I have been unable to accomplish this goal so far.

Why? Why does throwing a doughnut in the trash send me into a puddle of tears at my cubicle desk (of all places)?

Why do I equate eating at home (instead of eating out) with some sort of punishment?

Why do I feel like my weight is validation of the person I am inside?

If you've come accross this blog and you have had these same questions ... or if you have never asked yourself "Why?" - then just know that you will have to ask yourself these questions ... if you are an addict, or else you will never win.

On a side note - I ran 2 miles yesterday.

I never thought I would be a runner - I certainly never thought I would be a runner at 250 lbs. Just goes to show that the mind is a powerful thing - and your body can do more than you think it can. ;o)

Have a great week Sparkers!

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I feel Pope-less

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sorry...but I had to.

I am not Catholic - and I intend no disrespect at all! Actually, I feel the exact opposite. I find this Papal Conclave very intriguing! I spent part of my lunch today watching the Cardinals swear that they won't tell anyone who they voted for in a 'room' (if you can even call it that) where this exact ceremony has taken place for centuries!! How interesting!

Anyway...that is my current world news obsession - I'm pretty excited about it.

In good news! I actually don't feel hope-less today. I feel pretty strong. I am down 10 lbs from my "start-back" weight. My food and exercise is going really good. Im checking in on Spark - even though I am not fully back yet ... I am blogging again and that feels great! I really really missed it.

I would love to hear from everyone! Please let me know what is going on out there in Spark Land! I hope that even if we are Pope-less ... none of you are hopeless!!!!

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No need to file a Missing Persons report

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Hello Spark Friends!

Sooo... I am still alive.

I know - everyone has been on the edge of their seats, waiting for me to post :) **sarcasm**

I bought an Ipad and haven't been able to post video blogs - which bums me out - but I KNOW I should be atleast writing. The truth is - I haven't been doing very good and I wanted to try to get back to some sort of commitment before I threw myself back in to the Spark world. ((I know that is a bad mentality - but it's just the way it is))

I've been doing a Biggest Loser challenge at my work and even though I'm not going to win the challenge, I have been doing pretty good. I've gotten my head on straight again and realizing that gaining all my weight back is just the reality that I live in. So, yes, that makes 3 times that I have lost 70 lbs or more and gained it all back :(

The first step is acceptance.

There ... first step completed.

I tracked my food yesterday. Step 2.

Im blogging again - Step 3.

Here is to my way back to being a healthy person. I'm sorry if I disappointed anyone...but ultimately this is about me - so, here I go again :) Join me if you wish.

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The "backwards scissor": A Yoga story.

Saturday, June 02, 2012

lovngmenow.blogspot.com/2012/06/so-i
-promised-story.html

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I know you missed me...

Saturday, May 26, 2012

This is how I have to post my blogs now - I want to stay up to date with my Spark friends more ... so I hope you click the link and then come back and leave me comments here - I miss you all!



lovngmenow.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-kn
ow-you-missed-me.html

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