Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Yesterday ... I had a literal emotional breakdown over a doughnut.
Most of you are not surprised by this. If you have read any of my blogs you know that I am pretty transparent about my struggles with food.
Others might think I'm being ridiculous. That's okay, you are welcome to your own opinions, but before you judge - take some time to get to know me and you will realize that I'm a pretty level-headed girl and (even though I might be a little dramatic at times) I am really doing my best to work my way through this weight loss journey in the most healthy way possible - and that means that I have to get to the bottom of the WHY of my issues and not just the WHAT...
The WHAT is pretty obvious. I have issues. Everyone can see it. Unlike some other addictions - I can't hide in the dark, or in the privacy of my own home, or in a bar somewhere. My addiction is blaring loud and clear for everyone to see and to judge. They say that the first step in breaking any addiction is to acknowledge that you have a problem...
Well, Ive done that - 3 different times. Yes, I have lost over 70 lbs on 2 different occasions - and here I am again, back to getting those same 70 lbs off again. I wont quit ... I will keep fighting for my life. It may be shameful - but I can deal with that too. So...again I say - the WHAT is obvious - I can deal with the WHAT.
However, if I want to keep the weight off this time - or any time ... I MUST find the WHY. I have been unable to accomplish this goal so far.
Why? Why does throwing a doughnut in the trash send me into a puddle of tears at my cubicle desk (of all places)?
Why do I equate eating at home (instead of eating out) with some sort of punishment?
Why do I feel like my weight is validation of the person I am inside?
If you've come accross this blog and you have had these same questions ... or if you have never asked yourself "Why?" - then just know that you will have to ask yourself these questions ... if you are an addict, or else you will never win.
On a side note - I ran 2 miles yesterday.
I never thought I would be a runner - I certainly never thought I would be a runner at 250 lbs. Just goes to show that the mind is a powerful thing - and your body can do more than you think it can. ;o)
Have a great week Sparkers!