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Hardest week on record

Monday, August 09, 2010

My precious cousin, Adam, passed away on August 2nd, 2010. He was 32. He left behind a heartbroken family (including his 1 year old son, Noah), and many confused friends. He had a substance abuse problem, and an overdose is suspected.

I have spent the last 7 days eating and crying, crying and eating. My baby appears to be fine, but this has been a truly tragic, and stressful week for everyone who loved him. One of the hardest things to swallow has been that he will never meet the baby cousin he was SO excited about.

I'd really like to forget last week ever happened, but that's just not possible. Adam was a huge guy, with an even bigger heart, and my world seems smaller now that he's gone. He was practically a brother to me. My mom and his mom were close, his sister and I were close, and he and my brother were literally best friends from the time they could walk.

I can't put the anguish I feel for his mom, dad, sister, fiancee', and son into words. I keep thinking to myself, how is my aunt going to make it through the rest of her life, knowing that her son's life was tragically cut at LEAST 40 years short?

I'm going to have to get myself back on track this week. My goal was to not gain more than 15-20 lbs through my whole pregnancy, and I've gained that NOW, and I just started my 2nd trimester. Last week certainly did not help me any.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 8/10/2010 3:52PM

    I can so relate. My cousin, who was my best friend growing up, committed suicide at 40. I know your pain and loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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VGIMLET 8/9/2010 7:03PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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PINKCASHMERE09 8/9/2010 6:14PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss! I don't know you or your cousin, but I happened on this and wanted to at least say sorry - It's so hard to go through the loss of someone so close to you. Hang on to your family - it sounds like you have a close one - as well as your friends to help get you through this. Take care of yourself and your tiny one! Again, so sorry.

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OFFDREA 8/9/2010 2:46PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathy and condolences to you and your family.
Continue to take care of yourself for you and your baby.
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NABDULSABOOR 8/9/2010 2:10PM

    very sorry for your loss, and remember, that time will heal all wounds.

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SHADESI 8/9/2010 12:37PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. I'm glad that you and your baby are doing okay though.

Last year, my first husband (10 yrs married, this was four years after our divorce) died as a result of his decades of alcoholism at the young age of 51. He missed the birth of his first grandchild by six months.

I wrestled with so many emotions - grief over the loss, guilt that I couldn't help him more, etc. In the end, with the help of my wonderfully supportive husband, I was able to come to terms with it all. I had learn to celebrate the good moments of his life and let all the rest go. The tragedy of it still makes me cry occasionally (like right now) but I know that he is finally free of his demons too.

I'll keep you all in my prayers, that you can find peace in this difficult time. Keep us posted on how you are doing, k?

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ALLTHNGSPOSSBLE 8/9/2010 12:31PM

    I'm so sorry about your loss. I know you and your family will make it through this but it may take some time. Take the time that you need to mourn then move on. Let me know if I can help in any way.

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KRICKETTWO 8/9/2010 12:24PM

    So very sorry! I lost my brother to a car accident when he was 25. My world never was the same. But, in some ways, I am better because of it. We never know what is around the next corner and because I learned this at a very young age, I knew that I needed to appreciate and cherish each moment. You will know what is truly important and make the most of your time with your loved ones. Especially this new baby! The very smallest of things will mean so much more to you now.

Rest, heal and live your best life.

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TUBLADY 8/9/2010 12:24PM

    Sorry about your loss. But life goes on and especially in your case you have a new life on the way. Take care of yourself and the new baby.
Time will ease the pain that you feel now.
My best to you and your family.

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TMACOOL 8/9/2010 12:18PM

    Sorry for your loss. Keep the faith.

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PATTYKLAVER 8/9/2010 12:10PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard to describe what this type of loss is like unless you've been through it. There are support groups that would help you - they helped me. We want you healthy for yourself and your babies. Good luck and best wishes.

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PATTYKLAVER 8/9/2010 12:10PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard to describe what this type of loss is like unless you've been through it. There are support groups that would help you - they helped me. We want you healthy for yourself and your babies. Good luck and best wishes.

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ugh!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I've heard all my life what a beautiful thing pregnancy is. While the ultrasounds are amazing, the constant need to pee, inability to go #2, sleeplessness, and overall feelings of disgustingness are not. I have never felt so bloated, tired, and just generally gross in my whole life. I'm constantly STARVING. Not a little bit hungry, but so hungry I feel as though I am going to die. Then, I eat, and feel so full that I can hardly move. For lunch, I had 2 small soft tacos, and a handful of tortilla chips, and I feel like I'm going to explode. Honestly, I just want to get home, take off my bra, and put my crappy sweats on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRICKETTWO 7/23/2010 8:55AM

    I didn't especially love pregnancy either. It is all worth it in the end,however. Hang in there.

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ROCKCHICK75 7/23/2010 8:22AM

    I have Golden Retrievers also, 3, to be exact! Great dogs! Hoping they'll be ok with a baby around, although as sweet as they are, I can't imagine anything going wrong.

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REMEMBER2BME 7/23/2010 7:44AM

    I have golden retrievers. Sorry, I can not relate... well based on what you have said, I may not be sorry. I do however wish you the VERY best.
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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/22/2010 3:59PM

    I didn't enjoy my pregnancy at all. I was sick and throwing up the entire time. I related it to chemotherapy. I was not hungry either. And felt my body was not my own. I felt strange. But it's all worth it in the end when you hold your baby for the first time. Then it is all forgotten.

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Pregnant!

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

I've known for a couple of months now, and it just doesn't seem real. After being told my tubes were blocked, and I'd probably have to have IVF, to be honest, I was shocked. I don't know what made me decide to test the night that I did, but I'm glad I listened to that little voice inside my head. So, now that I'm pregnant, I have a whole new set of worries. I was getting an ultrasound every two weeks. Now I'm being sent back to my ob/gyn, and I probably won't have another one for months, so I'll be freaking out, worrying constantly, until I see that everything is ok. Nobody has said anything about amniocentesis, either, so is that a non-issue at this stage (between 10-11 weeks), or is it still too early to test? The person doing my ultrasounds said everything looked perfect, so does that mean no amnio is needed? I'm FREAKING out. I just hope everything goes ok for the next 7 months. I don't want to be neurotic!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKCHICK75 7/22/2010 3:18PM

    That's wonderful! Congrats!

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SHADESI 7/22/2010 1:52PM

    I'm so excited for you. :)

Just found out from the RE today that we get to do our first IUI in about 3 weeks. Hurray!

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ROCKCHICK75 7/22/2010 9:10AM

    Everything is going well. Except for my butt getting bigger and bigger. I'm trying to eat better, but it's difficult when I'm literally hungry ALL THE TIME. I feel really gross and bloated. Starting back to the gym next Monday. I really just wanted to get out of the first trimester before I started exercising.

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SHADESI 7/21/2010 5:43PM

    Just checking in.... everything going well?

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SHAKENMA 7/7/2010 6:58PM

    Oh Wow!! Congratulations. emoticon

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SHADESI 7/7/2010 12:38PM

    You can always call a perinatal office and ask them if they think you should come in. Just a phone call for a little peace of mind. :)

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ROCKCHICK75 7/7/2010 11:52AM

    No, I don't want the amnio. We just had a tough time getting pregnant, and I don't want any unpleasant surprises. However, I'm thinking that if there was something to worry about, the RE would have said something about an amnio, which he didn't.

I'm not sure if I'm considered high risk, now, or not. I know they were worried about it being tubal, since I was told my tubes were blocked, but that's obviously not the case. My only real risk factors are my age (34) and my weight (which we won't be discussing here, lol). Aside from that, my health is perfect. My blood sugar is about 93, and my blood pressure is 120/70. I was just under the assumption that they did an amnio for anyone over a certain age.

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SHADESI 7/7/2010 11:38AM

    Congrats! Have you seen a perinatal doctor since you are high risk? A "perinate" would be watching those risks with you, and probably relieve a lot of stress! [My RE had me see one right away, since I'm almost 40, and I only just had my HSG today.]

I'm so happy for you!!!
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XENA1956 7/6/2010 11:32PM

    Hopefully you will have no problems. Congratulations. I was high risk with both of my kids and was very lucky to go full term and both be healthy. Just follow your doctor orders, watch your salt intakes and walk if you can to help keep a healthy weight. Do you have a reason for wanting the amniocentesis? Are you looking for a problem that runs in the family or because of a medical condition you have? That is about the only time they do them if your insurance is going to pay for it.
Once again good luck and blessing on you and your family. emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/6/2010 10:23PM

    Congratulation and best of luck to you. Relax and enjoy your pregnancy.

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JAZZIELORI 7/6/2010 7:46PM

    Good luck ..I think it is a blessing..Spark also runs a site called babyfit.com you might want to check it out

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TLN-NOW 7/6/2010 4:51PM

    Maybe the catheter cleared something out of the way! However you look at it, it's a blessing. congrats and best wishes!!!
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BAHIAGIRL 7/6/2010 2:23PM

    Congratulations! It looks like the right time has come for you. Just remember to take it one step at a time. Sometimes it is easier to look at the small picture instead of the big overwhelming picture.

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BEARDMUSIC 7/6/2010 1:08PM

    Congratulations!!! I found really great pregnancy message boards when I was pregnant with my son (5 years ago). You should try to find some.

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ROCKCHICK75 7/6/2010 12:23PM

    my due date is 1/27/2011. I'm excited, but scared.

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GRANDMAAMIE 7/6/2010 11:34AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ANNAGIBBS0113 7/6/2010 11:18AM

    Congrats! I'm pregnant too. When are you due?

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VANESSA2PT0 7/6/2010 11:13AM

    Well first off congratulations. I hope everything goes smoothly for you. I'm not a doctor so I know nothing about amniocentesis and how early they can detect but call your ob/gyn and tell them your concerns, they will be able to tell you and then you can stop stressing. I wish you a safe and stress-free pregnancy :)

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MUSIKGIRL 7/6/2010 11:13AM

  emoticon

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JWOOD635 7/6/2010 11:10AM

    Congratulations! Take a step back and a deep breath. Just think about this as an exciting new journey! You can do it!

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FATROCKSTAR 7/6/2010 11:09AM

    I know that this is a really hard time for you, and I hope that you just hang in there! I don't have any answers (I don't even know the questions-lol!) Anyway, keep us posted on how you are doing! Normandy

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Getting nervous...

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I'm having an HSG done on Friday. I did some research, wanting to be prepared for whatever comes my way. Well, I should have left well enough alone. It's either going to be "uncomfortable," or agonizingly painful. Lovely. For those of you not in the know, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes which allows visualization of the inside of the uterus and tubes. The picture will reveal any abnormalities of the uterus as well as tubal problems such as blockage and dilation (hydrosalpinx). A small catheter is placed into the cervix and the dye is injected. You may feel heavy cramping during, and for several hours following the procedure. So, I get to spend Friday in the Dr's office. I have a diagnostic ultrasound at 8, and Dr. appt. at 8:50, and my hsg at 12:30, and my husband can't take off work to go with me. I'm trying to put on a brave face, but to be honest, I'm scared to death.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VICSICKLE 3/31/2010 11:48AM

    Wow that stinks! Hopefully if you have to go through such a rough experience, your test results will at least be good! emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/31/2010 10:27AM

    Maybe it won't be as bad as you think. I find that most times the dread is worse than the procedure.

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DIANNE023 3/31/2010 9:32AM

    I had it done. I can't say it was the most fun I ever had but it is bearable. I was told it would be cramping (by a male doctor) - I don't know what kind of cramps he ever had! My mom went with me - make sure you take some feminine products with wings for the ride home. The pictures when you see them later are very cool! Good luck - it will be OK!

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LIQUIDJEWELS07 3/31/2010 9:11AM

    Good luck & best wishes! Hope everything goes okay.

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CAROLINAGIRL377 3/31/2010 9:10AM

  good luck

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HAASESH 3/31/2010 9:06AM

  best wishes

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Is it the weekend yet?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I realize that it is only Tuesday, really I do. However, last night, I was kept up by a raging sinus headache, and half of a sandwich that sat in my stomach like a rock. This morning, I awoke at 7:40 to be at work at 8 am. Luckily, I live 5 minutes from work, so I stuck my head under the faucet, brushed my hair, slapped on some deodorant and got got dressed, and walked in the door with a minute to spare. I almost threw up this morning brushing my teeth. My husband and I, who are trying to conceive, found out it probably wouldn't be our month, which SUCKS, because my in-laws are coming in from Wyoming to visit, and it would have been so cool to be able to tell them, "Guess what? You're going to be grandparents!" I'm really just ready for this week to be over. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I'd really love to go home and go back to bed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMESKEW 3/24/2010 7:16PM

    So sorry you are having a bad week. It is week's like these that make us cherish the good weeks. It is almost over.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/23/2010 2:25PM

    So sorry your are feeling bad and I hope you have a speedy recovery. Try to get some rest.

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