Monday, August 09, 2010
My precious cousin, Adam, passed away on August 2nd, 2010. He was 32. He left behind a heartbroken family (including his 1 year old son, Noah), and many confused friends. He had a substance abuse problem, and an overdose is suspected.
I have spent the last 7 days eating and crying, crying and eating. My baby appears to be fine, but this has been a truly tragic, and stressful week for everyone who loved him. One of the hardest things to swallow has been that he will never meet the baby cousin he was SO excited about.
I'd really like to forget last week ever happened, but that's just not possible. Adam was a huge guy, with an even bigger heart, and my world seems smaller now that he's gone. He was practically a brother to me. My mom and his mom were close, his sister and I were close, and he and my brother were literally best friends from the time they could walk.
I can't put the anguish I feel for his mom, dad, sister, fiancee', and son into words. I keep thinking to myself, how is my aunt going to make it through the rest of her life, knowing that her son's life was tragically cut at LEAST 40 years short?
I'm going to have to get myself back on track this week. My goal was to not gain more than 15-20 lbs through my whole pregnancy, and I've gained that NOW, and I just started my 2nd trimester. Last week certainly did not help me any.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I've heard all my life what a beautiful thing pregnancy is. While the ultrasounds are amazing, the constant need to pee, inability to go #2, sleeplessness, and overall feelings of disgustingness are not. I have never felt so bloated, tired, and just generally gross in my whole life. I'm constantly STARVING. Not a little bit hungry, but so hungry I feel as though I am going to die. Then, I eat, and feel so full that I can hardly move. For lunch, I had 2 small soft tacos, and a handful of tortilla chips, and I feel like I'm going to explode. Honestly, I just want to get home, take off my bra, and put my crappy sweats on.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
I've known for a couple of months now, and it just doesn't seem real. After being told my tubes were blocked, and I'd probably have to have IVF, to be honest, I was shocked. I don't know what made me decide to test the night that I did, but I'm glad I listened to that little voice inside my head. So, now that I'm pregnant, I have a whole new set of worries. I was getting an ultrasound every two weeks. Now I'm being sent back to my ob/gyn, and I probably won't have another one for months, so I'll be freaking out, worrying constantly, until I see that everything is ok. Nobody has said anything about amniocentesis, either, so is that a non-issue at this stage (between 10-11 weeks), or is it still too early to test? The person doing my ultrasounds said everything looked perfect, so does that mean no amnio is needed? I'm FREAKING out. I just hope everything goes ok for the next 7 months. I don't want to be neurotic!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I'm having an HSG done on Friday. I did some research, wanting to be prepared for whatever comes my way. Well, I should have left well enough alone. It's either going to be "uncomfortable," or agonizingly painful. Lovely. For those of you not in the know, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes which allows visualization of the inside of the uterus and tubes. The picture will reveal any abnormalities of the uterus as well as tubal problems such as blockage and dilation (hydrosalpinx). A small catheter is placed into the cervix and the dye is injected. You may feel heavy cramping during, and for several hours following the procedure. So, I get to spend Friday in the Dr's office. I have a diagnostic ultrasound at 8, and Dr. appt. at 8:50, and my hsg at 12:30, and my husband can't take off work to go with me. I'm trying to put on a brave face, but to be honest, I'm scared to death.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I realize that it is only Tuesday, really I do. However, last night, I was kept up by a raging sinus headache, and half of a sandwich that sat in my stomach like a rock. This morning, I awoke at 7:40 to be at work at 8 am. Luckily, I live 5 minutes from work, so I stuck my head under the faucet, brushed my hair, slapped on some deodorant and got got dressed, and walked in the door with a minute to spare. I almost threw up this morning brushing my teeth. My husband and I, who are trying to conceive, found out it probably wouldn't be our month, which SUCKS, because my in-laws are coming in from Wyoming to visit, and it would have been so cool to be able to tell them, "Guess what? You're going to be grandparents!" I'm really just ready for this week to be over. I'm tired, I have a headache, and I'd really love to go home and go back to bed.
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