Monday, January 30, 2012
So I've joined Sparkpeople in order to get a little more motivation and support while I take on the changes necessary in my life to lose weight and get healthy. Unfortunately my best friend has put a stop to our training times together as she works out some heart problems and I hope it turns out to be nothing serious but I completely understand. It is hard going into this alone now, particularly because my small overstuffed apartment is not the place to be throwing down a mat and picking up some dumbbells so I am frustrated to say that I really have not gotten anywhere at all with the beginning stages.
I am the type of person that needs an obligation in order to complete something. And also someone to go along with me and share my "burdens". So we can work off each other.
This past weekend I went with my fellow bridesmaids shopping for our bridesmaid dresses, and the experience left me depressed and deflated. We are all women of different shapes and sizes but it seemed like I was the one that would be "the final say" on the dress and no this was not a good thing! Basically once all the other girls had tried on a dress but they were having difficulty making a decision about it, they would ask me to put it on, and if it didnt look good on me they would scrap that dress. Needless to say most of them didnt look good on me. Yes you can argue that the dresses are all not sized to me and that anything not fitted would look horrible on anyone (anyone but a size 0) and I'm sure Stacy and Clinton would tell me that I shouldnt be upset because clothing didnt look right on me and yes we did end up finding a dress that looked good on all of us, but in reality it was so discouraging and demotivating. For me when I have something that causes me to feel horrible about myself I tend to shut down, I have been getting better though which is part of why I am writing this today. I have more faults as well, looking more at the cons then the pros, envisioning failure rather then success. All of these are blocking me right now and I have no idea how to get passed it. I'm trying to just push through but it still feels like so many things are just in the way of getting started. I know a fairy godmother isn't going to appear and wave her magic wand and make everything perfect. I need a severe brain makeover, or takeover rather.