RIVERDLC   5,362
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Hating Myself, Again

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

It has been a long time since I have made a blog entry. In fact, it has been a long time since I have even been on SparkPeople. I really miss this place but life has a way of taking over. I have put back on maybe 20 to 25 pounds since I left Vegas. I hate living back in MI. I have the added responsibility of raising my grandson. Now please don't get me wrong I love him with all my heart. His mom, my duaghter is useless. He is mine to raise. I so want to leave the state and travel again but until I get custody, which she won't give, I am stuck here.

We think we might have found a gym here that is very much like the one we worked out in in Vegas. DBF is going to check it out Friday. Cost is about the same, hoepfully the atmosphere is the same. Also thinking about starting yoga, I have some serious muscle tightness issues causing me to walk wrong. I am hoping that slowly I can get into a routine. It does not help that I do not have a staff job and I travel an hour one way to work. i then have to feed the lil guy and wash dishes. My DBF does a lot but with him being Mr Mom, we have to share more. I miss the way things use to be but there is no turning back now.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLE_QUEEN 9/18/2012 8:26AM

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TIMLINLUVER 9/18/2012 7:25AM

    emoticon
Sounds like a yoga class is just the ticket. Good luck. I hope things start to get better. Don't hate yourself. You are doing what you can.

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GINNJEN1974 9/18/2012 6:27AM

    Hope the gym works out. I also hope that in time maybe your daughter will see giving you custody is the best she can do for her son.

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BAYSIDE07 9/18/2012 6:12AM

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OMG. I can't believe what I saw.

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Yesterday was my last day at my gym. I had been going three times a week for six weeks. Didn't lose a single pound tho. Did lose a few inches here and there. I am not worried about the scale I know I am building muscle and that weighs more. My energy level is better. I do more active things now.

When we were there yesterday I was asking him for more tips. He asked me how much I had lost so I told him. He then told me he could see a physical change in the six weeks. Then last night while combing my hair I saw it. A lil bulge each time I pulled the comb through my hair. Then I realized it was my muscle! Yeah. We left Vegas today. I don't do much driving... DBF does most. I drove for eleven hours today. We were half way through to Denver before I noticed.....my stomach does not touch the steering wheel. Can u believe it? It has been years since I could run my hand down my stomach and not feel the steerig wheel a all


This is a perfec example to not always believe the scale. I know I have a long wa to go. I have many things I still need to change. I really need to stop drinking soda. I switched to diet a long time ago. Gave up my addiction to mt dew. Have not regretted it at all. I love ice cream. In fact I eat a skinny cow every night after dinner. That has to stop. I need to drink way more water. I need to decrease my red meat intake. Find new tasty ways to cook that we will both enjoy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NURSE_FAWN 4/2/2011 8:36PM

    Way to go!! The scale doesn't know everything. LOL!!

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ONESTUBBORNTART 4/2/2011 3:13PM

    Good for you!! emoticon

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CHAR1970 4/2/2011 2:26PM

    Awesome job on your way to a healthier lifestyle! I say that because it isn't a journey of weight loss but of healthy changes. You'll get there with your nutrition. You can't expect to change everything all at once, that's a recipe for failure. You're doing it the right way, small changes over a period of time.
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BOSOXGYRL33 4/2/2011 1:24PM

    emoticon on your changes you have made! Isn't it nice to notice the little changes that you didn't see before. Sometime just little things like that can make your day and keep your motivation up when that stubborn scale doesn't want to budge. Keep up the great work! emoticon

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RABID1ST 4/2/2011 12:16PM

    Great news about your steering wheel. As others have said, there is more than one way to measure success. Feeling better and looking better are the best sort of rewards. I hope you continue your gym routine so the hard work you've done continues to reap benefits.

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PRETTYBLKGYRL 4/2/2011 11:40AM

    NSV's ROCK!!!

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SANDRAFIVE 4/2/2011 10:02AM

    This just goes to prove that there is more than one way to see success. Way to go. emoticon

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MEL_UNRAU 4/2/2011 7:34AM

    That's awesome!!! Yea you!!!

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SHAWFAN 4/2/2011 7:20AM

    emoticon emoticonIt's so great that you can see the difference in inches and the way you feel! The scale will move. Give it time. Keep going at what you're doing and you'll see it move. Cardio really helps in that department. Keep on moving! Have a great weekend!

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CHIBIKARATE 4/2/2011 2:04AM

    i love water I drink water 15 glasses dy with a splash of lemon and it yummmmmm emoticon

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HANKENSTEIN 4/2/2011 2:03AM

    Everyone should read this blog who is trying to lose weight.

Way to go! Way to understand! Get it girl!

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two more weeks

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Two more weeks and I will be heading back to MI. I will miss my trainer and the boxing gym I started going to. He did introduce to me boxing and kickboxing. I am really enjoying working out. I think I may have found one to go to when I go home. We are thinking of buying a bag and stand. I will hate being tied down again. Although my daughter is open to the idea of relocating. The only issue will be her childs father. If he keeps up his norm he wont be too active. He has no way to get an hour away to see the child. Plus he just told my daughter that his mom and moving and he will not have anywhere to live. I told her that is his problem. She asked me if he changed if I would let him live with us. I told her there is a whole bunch he needs to change but I am not going to point him in the right direction. I explained to her that he needs to figure out for himself what he needs to change and figure out how to do that. Her priority is to do what ever she needs to do for herself and that baby. She did tell me that she has decided to tell him that she does not want to live with him....she just cant go there again.

I pray that she means that. She has been helping out at my DBF parents house. has baked brownies for dad and brother, takes out the garbage, cleans up. I am seeing changes but I do not know how long it will last.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILDFIREKRISTIN 3/20/2011 1:51AM

    Where in Michigan? I am in New Buffalo, MI. I am sorry to hear about your daughter's boyfriend and I hope she can do what is best for her and the baby. Good luck to you all!

Take care of you,

Kristin

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Daughter update

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Well the first night via friends we got her to a hotel. A few hours later my DBF got word that his parents will let her stay till we get
Home. Of course she has house rules she
Must follow, the same as my dbf's brother. She is safe now but heart broken. Praying she makes smart choices and thinks things through.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAINIESNEWLIFE 3/15/2011 8:38PM

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JANE1216 3/15/2011 7:55PM

    sending thoughts and prayers to you and your family --- some of our children just need to learn the hard way --- let's hope and pray this will do it for your daughter and that she can get things turned around for the better

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CHAR1970 3/15/2011 4:30PM

    This may be the catalyst that makes her change her life around. Here's hoping!

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REDRUDY5 3/15/2011 2:46PM

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/15/2011 9:28AM

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Rescuing my daughter

Sunday, March 13, 2011

My daughter turned 18 on Friday. What a great milestone. although her 18th birthday was not a good one. She is pregnant, no insurance, chose to run away many times. She made her own bed and is stuck in it until I get home. My DBF and I had plans that when my contract was done to return home and help her and her bf get on their feet. Over the last few months I have learned the truth about the kind of person this bf was. Not a good one. Very verbally abusive. I would have walked away already but my daughter was stuck there until I got home the early part of April. Well for a few days before her birthday she was wanting to leave and knew that it would only be a few more weeks. He started in on her on Friday and she said that's it I am done. Well, where they live is no where near my friends. Getting her out of there was not easy. I had been working and had to bust my butt to figure out something.

My daughter has a bad history of many different issues. It makes it hard for people to trust her. We had to ask my DBF parents to take her in for three weeks. It took them a few days to get back to us. Simply becuase the mom was out of state at a business conference. We had to move quickly. Last night she had to stay at the house any ways becuase she had no where to go. Today they told her she had to leave. Let me say I am proud of her. She spoke with a friend of her dads and he was able to come pick her up, at least an hour one way drive. My ex-bf took her from him and took her to a hotel for me. Due to their living arrangements they were unable to take her in.

We did get work from mom and dad that they would take her. Of course there would be rules. HA hope that goes well, she does not do well with rules. But I am hoping my tough love has taught her to appreciate what she does have and the people aroundher who love her despite what she has done in the past.

It is not a perfect arrangement. She cussess like a sailer, actually her mouth would make some of em blush....and they are very religious. I told her to really watch her mouth. She is in for a long road...I hope that she has learned something.

I am usually excited to stay up late on a night off....but I am so mentally drained. Thanks to all my friend and family for your help.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASRMOM 3/14/2011 9:54PM

    Sorry to hear she put you in the spot. Mistakes are a part of life--butI'm hoping she will learn from them. Prayers and best wishes. Keep us posted. emoticon

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CHAR1970 3/13/2011 5:58PM

    I too have a daughter who turned 18 recently and she has put me and the rest of the family through some tough times. I feel for you. I hope all works out and she sees this as a second chance. My thoughts are with you.

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PINKNFITCARLA 3/13/2011 4:44PM

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 3/13/2011 10:41AM

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HDHAWK 3/13/2011 10:09AM

    Now that she's out of that situation she can hopefully focus on her future and the future of her child. Sending support to you in this tough situation. emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 3/13/2011 9:44AM

    emoticon I hope she is able to learn from this and grow.

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HOPE2011 3/13/2011 9:30AM

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REDSHOES2011 3/13/2011 1:50AM

    I feel for you, emoticon..

I had to put my youngest most impulsive ADHD'er in a foster family from the age of 8.. He needed rules and tough love.. I couldn't handle his behaviour disorder and a dying husband all at once..

xx
Red






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