RITAROSE   111,061
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Goodbye Mom

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Today my mother died. Last Tuesday she stopped taking food and water. We had a difficult relationship since my birth. She let me know that she only wanted two kids and had five. I was the fourth.

Three weeks ago she was in a nursing home recuperating from an infection. I visited her quite a bit even though it was very difficult for me to do so. I listened to her go on about my different siblings and how they had mistreated her. One day she started on me. I was so done with her and her hatred. I knew that would be my last time to see her. I left with a heavy burden that comes with a broken relationship.

When I got word that she was not taking any sustainable I prayed and asked the Lord to help me visit her. My husband was so sweet to go with me the first time. It was 8:30 at night and he was just getting home from a 12 hr day at work, but he picked me up and we went to see her. She could not talk. I presented the gospel and told her that I loved her and kissed her goodnight. I saw her every day after that. This morning before church I read the 23 rd Psalm to her and prayed for her.

AT times she seemed to be at peace and glad that I was with her, other times she seemed very drugged up.

I am so very thankful for God's gift to me of the past few days. He gave me HIS love, HIS kindness, HIS WORD, HIS compassion to share with my mother.

I pray that I would heal from this emotional upheaval. I had a good visit with one of my brothers today. I will probably not talk to the others. Sadly, my mother divided her children. How sad that I don't know my nieces and nephews and my children don't know their cousins or aunts and uncles! I thank God that he gave me such a great desire to teach my children to love each other and to be kind to one another.

My goal was to not rant. Sorry I couldn't make this shorter! In one sentence I would say, Praise God for his tender mercies to me!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 7/31/2011 11:13AM

    I happened across this blog after I'd read the one you wrote about your friend Cindy. You've had a lot of ups and downs this year, haven't you? I hope you have the assurance (and I'm confident your relationship with God gives it to you) that you did the right thing for your mother, and yourself, in her final days. What a tender, loving heart you have, Rita.
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ALMMOM 6/20/2011 10:37AM

    Good that your rose above the childhood issues to simply be there are show love to your mom. Her passing is easier for you because you have no "I wish that....." May you be filled with comfort at this time.

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4DOGNIGHT 6/20/2011 8:11AM

    Stumbled onto this blog today and it was very timely. My best friend's mother is dying in the hospital. She called her at 5:30 this morning and asked her to bring her a dress to put on. She said she just wanted to look good! I guess she knows the end is near. I am glad that you were able to come to terms with your mother. My father was very mean to me at times and when he was on his death bed, I stood by him and forgave him for everything and told him I loved him. As a result, I was and still am at peace with him. Forgiveness is such a great tool. If we only remembered to forgive ourselves as well. We are a product of our environment. Keep in touch!

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MIDORITHOMAS 5/20/2011 12:58AM

    Thank you for your comments on my blog. As long as there is a God (and He is eternal), there is hope for reconciliation. You have precious memories thanks to your faithfulness and trust in the Lord. Blessings to you. Midori

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HOLLIE90038 3/31/2011 1:17PM

    My grandmother died in February as well. She was a vibrant but complicated woman. She divided her children in some ways, particularly one aunt of mine. She and I had our issues as well.

You absolutely were an amazing person to recognize that not only did you need to see her but that she needed you and you reached for a source of love and compassion outside yourself.

That is a mature, intelligient and thoughtful process. Many people don't think that way but I am proud to know you because you do.

My sympathies on your loss and the loss of a different kind of mother.



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IAM_HIS2 3/24/2011 3:58PM

    I just read this. I read it twice because I can so relate. My father was very abusive to me and my mother. It was very difficult to care for him the year after my mother passed. He never showed any effection or kindness towards me. I too prayed and cared for him only through God's mercy and love.

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URSULA125 3/9/2011 4:24PM

    A beautiful blog Ritarose! I have a similar situation. Thank you for sharing this. God Bless You!

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JUSTA123 3/6/2011 10:22AM

    I'm so glad that you had the opportunity, to use the love that God gave you to forgive your mother, making peace inside of yourself was important. Hugs dear friend.

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WOODSYGIRL 3/2/2011 7:33PM

    Rita, I am so glad that you felt God's love with you during all of this. I'm going to send you a spark goodie to deliver my message to you privately, but wanted to share everyone's thoughts of hugs and prayers right here with you. xoxo

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LINDA! 3/1/2011 2:52PM

    You have such a loving spirit. I am sorry for your mother's passing. emoticon

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HAPPY1049 2/28/2011 7:11PM

    Dear Rita, I am thinking of you with sympathy, and praying that you will heal and be at peace. I hope that something good develops between you and your brothers/sisters. Keep on trying. I am so glad you had a chance to show love to your mother and tell her how to be saved.
Love, Vera

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JANETELIZABETH1 2/28/2011 3:11PM

    Dearest Rita, thank you for sharing those feelings with your sparkfriends.
We actually have so much in common, I could have written that after my mum died too...
I'm glad the Lord gave you a tender heart and the grace to be with your mom right to the end.
Praying that some of those wounds will now heal now.
Hugs & love,
Janet


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MELRON042900 2/28/2011 10:47AM

    Thinking of you.

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SAMODER 2/28/2011 12:16AM

    I had a difficult relationship with my dad. After he and my mom he remarried. His wife was truly crazy and made it difficult for us to spend time with our dad. She committed suicide 2 years before my dad passed away. Anyway we had those 2 years to sort of reconcile, but the the hurt and distrust never went away. Still I too am thankful that I had time at the end with my dad. It has given me more peace than if I left things as they were.

I hope you too can find this peace.
Love, Sam

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TERRYT55 2/27/2011 10:51PM

    My heart is hurting for you..........

I want you to know that spending time your mother in the last days of her life will lift you up and help you to heal from the emotional upheaval of your life. You did the right thing even though it was SO difficult for you.

Alexa (Teddybabe) said it so well.....the sweetness in your heart and the beautiful person you are will help you find closure and heal.

Know that you gave your mother the amazing gift of your love and yourself.........I am in awe of your goodness.

God bless you, Terry

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REJ7777 2/27/2011 10:07PM

    Please accept my condolences! I'm so glad that God gave you the grace to spend those last few days with your mother, in spite of the past. Your presence seems to have been a comfort to her in her final hours, and you'll never regret having presented the Gospel to her one last time. I hope that the love you showed to her will become part of your own healing. May God comfort you in this time of grief.

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MKPRINCESS007 2/27/2011 9:48PM

    Hey there......I can empathsize with you......I lost my Mom about 15 years ago, and believe me, our relationship wasn't sunshine and happiness. She had her positive virtues, but she also poisoned my mind against my Dad when they divorced. She was so bitter, she allowed that bitterness to affect my relationship with him. I could go on, but i won't.

So, I understand about forgivness, and letting the burden go of those that raised us but were human to a fault.

Peace with you and your family right now.

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DAISYTERRI 2/27/2011 9:12PM

    Thinking of you.

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DAISYTERRI 2/27/2011 9:12PM

    Thinking of you.

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DEBRITA01 2/27/2011 8:21PM

    Your blog saddened me so and it brought me to tears thinking of my dear, Rita growing up feeling unwanted. You are such a beautiful and loving person, despite your childhood, which is a testament to God's healing power and love in your life.

I am so proud of you for reaching out to your mom. God was working in you and through you. Rita, you have the peace of knowing you were there for her, although I am sure it was rough on you.

May God bless you and wrap His loving arms around you. I know His love, and the love of your wonderful family, will sustain you in the days ahead.
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SUNNY332 2/27/2011 7:46PM

    My heart really goes out to you, Rita. I am so sorry for the relationship lost prior to and now due to her death. We will never understand but Jesus does and I am grateful you have Him to lean on my friend.

Our Dear Heavenly Father, Please be with Rita right now in her hour of grief at the loss of her Mother. While we don't know the why of things, Lord Jesus, we know that You do and that it very comforting. Thank you for Rita's relationship with you and no matter her the relationship with her Mom, I give thanks to the woman Rita is in that she was able to let that go long enough to share the good news of You with her Mom. Now, Lord Jesus, comfort Rita though the next few days ahead and help her to remain steadfast in Your arms as she deals with the varied emotions that will come from this loss. Give her Peace for this day and Your Hope of tomorrow. In Your Precious Name, I pray, Amen

Consider my prayer a hug and know that I care about you, Rita.

Sunny



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JCEDIT89 2/27/2011 7:22PM

    Praying for you, your family, strength, and peace. God bless you. emoticon

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HANKENSTEIN 2/27/2011 7:18PM

    This is very powerful, as I'm sure it was in living it. But you know, maybe God gave you those days with her silent to not soil the time and to let her hear stuff from you maybe she needed to.


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UNSTOPPABLE_ 2/27/2011 7:10PM

    oh sweetie I'm so sorry for the hurt that has been inflicted on you. I'm also sorry that your mom has passed. God is so good though, He gave you the strength you needed this week. Praise the Lord for his mercy & grace.

I'm adding you to my prayers...
May God Bless You
Teresa

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TEDDYBABE 2/27/2011 7:08PM

    You are a beautiful person. And if any good came from your mothers life, you are it. I believe that your closure can come because of the tremendous sweetness in your heart. Hugs.

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BEYOURBEST1 2/27/2011 7:08PM

    I am sorry for your loss. May God grant you peace.


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A Prayer Request

Monday, December 06, 2010

Greetings Spark Friends!

This is my second blog on this subject, please forgive me, I'm a MOM! This afternoon my son and I are traveling to Bozeman for my son's military interview tomorrow morning at 8:20 MST in front of 6 military officers, including one Brigadier General. He will be questioned and grilled for 20 minutes in his quest for an appointment to the Air Force Academy.

I am asking my praying friends to please lift Levi up in prayer! Our prayer request is that he would be clear thinking, calm, full of passion for the appointment and that no matter how it turns out that God would be glorified!

The man who has interested Levi in the AFA put him through a mock interview with 5 other military people. What a great thing that was to expose weaknesses and see what he needed to bone up on. This has been a most amazing experience for our family!

Thank you to those who will pray! God bless you! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MKT-PLAN 12/7/2010 11:43AM

    Praying for you and Levi, my friend!

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SUPERDUPER26 12/7/2010 12:47AM

    Prayers on the way! emoticon

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BNSPIRD 12/7/2010 12:33AM

    prayers for sure!

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RITAROSE 12/6/2010 11:18PM

  THANK YOU SPARK FRIENDS! We are going to turn in early to hopefully sleep well and get an early start. Your support means so much to this sparky! God bless you all!

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CATAGRL1 12/6/2010 5:51PM

    i will definately pray for your son.


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JUSTA123 12/6/2010 4:47PM

    prayers are on there way!

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SROUS1340 12/6/2010 3:35PM

    Here's a prayer for him from me.

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REJ7777 12/6/2010 2:25PM

    I will pray for your son to have clear thoughts and for God's will to be done in his life. Please let us know how things work out!

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SUNNY332 12/6/2010 1:45PM

    How exiting for you all. I will definitely be praying for God's will concerning this appointment.

Do keep us posted.

Hugs, Sunny

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DEBRITA01 12/6/2010 1:43PM

    emoticonPraying for your son and hoping this is what God has in store for him. You must be terribly proud of your son's accomplishments so far... God bless you both.

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55TUCKER 12/6/2010 1:09PM

    Done and continuing as led.....

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REMIAM 12/6/2010 12:28PM

  Me too!

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HATABLOCKAZ 12/6/2010 11:27AM

    God will be with him!

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KARIANN8 12/6/2010 11:24AM

    he's in my prayers

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WANT2BEFIT10 12/6/2010 11:24AM

    You've got it! emoticon

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TEACHDIANN78 12/6/2010 11:23AM

    Oh great!! My husband is in the Air Force...a great way to go. Praying for your son!! He will do great!

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A Mother's Full Heart

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Greetings Spark Friends,

My heart is overflowing with thankfulness at God's provision in my family's life.
A few years ago my youngest child, Levi (almost 18 now) came home from a leadership camp that his youth director took him to in NM telling his dad and I that he wanted to go to the Air Force Academy. (We have home schooled our 5 kids since 1983 and him being the tail end, I have to say, I'm tired! ) Our youth director is a grad of the AFA and took the three students he had with him on a tour. Over the years we've watched several friends prepare their kids for a nomination to one of the academies and know it's very labor intensive. I told Levi that he would have to do another year in high school just so we would have enough time to complete everything. He didn't balk at that for a moment. He really had a desire to go. Last summer he went back to the same leadership camp in NM and they once again stopped at the AFA for another tour, this solidified Levi's desire more!

He trained for the physical test with his youth director and me. I know nothing about coaching and I would have him do his test in the order it was to be given with the rest time prescribed and record his results. It looked impossible at first. He was quite slow at running, he could hardly do 4 pullups, not many pushups or situps either. He was very faithful in training and a week ago he said he was going to cal the liaison officer to come and implement the test.
He ran 40 seconds faster than the average cadet from 2009 on his mile run, he did 12 pullups which is one over the average from last year, 60 pushups, average amount, 80 situps, his shuttle was the fastest he had ever done, beating the average slightly but he was short on his ball throw. We are hopeful that won't matter too much!

He is completing his writing sample revisions and will turn them in next week leaving only the military interview in front of a panel of military officers scheduled for December 7th to complete the application.

A few weeks ago I was feeling the heavy weight of this project when Levi told me, "Mom, no matter how this turns out, I'm glad we did it!" That brought tears for me! He understands the value of hard work and trying your best! What a great lesson. I had thought the same things as it has brought us so close!

There have been so many occasions in the last year when I've had to say to him, "you should study for your SAT, you need to call to ask people to write a letter of recommendation, or have you filled out this form? The list is endless with what has had to be done. Levi is my child who used to say, "I don't do homework on the weekends, the weekend is for rest and play!" The kid has hardly had opportunity for any social life for many months with his obligations to school and the ap work! He took the SAT on three occasions to get his scores as high as he possibly could even though twice would have been all he needed to meet the academy guidelines. That was his choice, not mine.

We asked a man at church teach Levi chemistry one on one last year. He is a retired Captain in the Marine Corps and a high school Biology teacher. He was fantastic, tayloring the course to Levi's ability which took him to the college level. He was asked last summer to accompany a team of college students to Malaysia to help our sister church there learn to put on a puppet show on peacemaking for kids. He has been blessed over and over by opportunities we would not have looked for, but they appeared on his doorstep. Levi's siblings all live 1000's of miles away and they have been a constant source of encouragement to him, sending him letters, cards and messages to bolster him!

My husband and I are so proud of our son, and thankful to the Lord for blessing our family!
No matter how it turns out, if he gets the nomination or not, this has been a very great challenge in our lives!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBRITA01 12/6/2010 1:40PM

    What a beautiful blog and truly a testament to the loving, dedicated family you have created. No matter what God decides will happen next, you are both the richer for having had this experience together... emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/6/2010 1:40:38 PM

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MT-MOONCHASER 11/20/2010 11:49PM

    I applaud you for the chances you have given your children in home schooling and readying them to be caring, successful adults in this world. I have no doubt that Levi will be successful.
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HAPPY1049 11/20/2010 9:37PM

    Thank you for sharing what's on your heart. You are blessed to have such a fine son and family, and he is blessed to have such a caring mother. I hope he gets his wish. I know that whatever he does, he will always try to do his best. And you will always be there to help him and encourage him.

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ONEKIDSMOM 11/20/2010 12:52PM

    This is such a great celebration blog. Thanks for sharing your blessings! God works wonders, especially when we work along with Him.

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BUGGYS 11/20/2010 9:45AM

    What a wonderful example you have set for not only your son, but the rest of your family...hard work and determination and love. A great blog that I am going to share with my family! Your son will have many successes in life!!! emoticon

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SUNNY332 11/20/2010 9:43AM

    Awesome. You definitely have a full heart and I am so glad you share this with us.

God Bless you all, Rita.

Sunny

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WANT2BEFIT10 11/20/2010 9:43AM

    What an AMAZING blog! I'll be praying for Levi to get in! And kudos to you...so many kids today don't understand that it takes hard work to achieve goals in life...Keep us posted! emoticon

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IAM_HIS2 11/20/2010 9:30AM

    What a wonderful blog..thank you for sharing. The outcome of this will be awesome because of all the love and obedience both you and your son have shown our Lord. Your blog brought tears of joy to my eyes. God bless you and your son.

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Vegetable Soup

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Recipe: The best vegetable soup ever, no kidding
Mark Bittman, New York Times columnist and author of "The Food Matters Cookbook"
Ingredients
3/4 cup olive oil, more or less
2 onions, peeled and chopped
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
2 celery stalks, peeled and chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 bunch parsley, washed and chopped, thick stems discarded
2 or 3 cabbage leaves, chopped
1 bunch chard, preferably white, washed and chopped
1/4 cup tomato paste
3 to 4 cups cooked white beans, like cannelloni, with their liquid if possible
Preparation
Put about a third of the olive oil in the bottom of a deep pot and turn the heat to medium.
Add half the onion, carrot and celery and cook, stirring occasionally, until they soften, which takes about 10 minutes.
Add about half of the remaining oil and repeat the process, seasoning with salt and pepper as you go.
Add the remaining oil with the parsley, cabbage and chard and cook, stirring occasionally, until everything is softened but not browned.
Add the tomato paste and stir.
Mash the beans so that they're about half mashed and half more-or-less whole. Add this mixture to the pot, along with any bean cooking liquid and enough water to make the whole mixture stewy but not watery.
Continue cooking, tasting and adjusting the seasoning as necessary, until all the vegetables are very tender and the soup is hot. Serve hot or warm.
Serving Size
Makes about 10 servings

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BASILIC 10/23/2010 9:01AM

    I may try this soup today. I will probably cut back the oil by 1/2 and plan to substitute the onions with leek that I already have. I also will use colored chard that I have growing in my flower bed. I prefer the white chard, but I've been using the colored chard as an ornamental and white chard isn't easily available at my local grocer.

Comment edited on: 10/23/2010 9:08:47 AM

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CAROLFAITHWALKR 10/15/2010 5:22PM

    emoticon

Yum yum yum sounds great.

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NIKIMO11 10/14/2010 12:44PM

  The recipe sounds great!! Can't wait to try it!! emoticon

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URSULA125 10/14/2010 3:23AM

    Yum! Thank you, Rita! I've been looking for good bean recipees! emoticon

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HAPPY1049 10/13/2010 9:36PM

    Sounds great! Yummy!

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USMAWIFE 10/13/2010 4:42PM

    Considering how the recipe reads, the amount of olive oil could easily be reduced in the browning process for the veggies.

SOunds like a good recipe. Most likely would not even miss the potatoes.

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DEBRITA01 10/13/2010 1:01PM

    Sounds good Rita...love anything with cooked cabbage! I agree with Buggys about substituting vegetable or chicken stock for some of the oil. Although olive oil is healthier, 3/4 cup seems like a lot. Wonder if this could be prepared in a slow-cooker...

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SUNNY332 10/13/2010 12:23PM

    I will try this recipe - definitely but agree with the others about the oil.

Thanks so much. Sounds great!

Sunny

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BUGGYS 10/13/2010 11:57AM

    I agree...don't think you need that much oil...can use chicken stock instead...

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MARYLQ11 10/13/2010 11:34AM

  Way too much oil

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September 1-- A New Beginning!

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

I am tired of failing to work my plan! It's been a challenging two months of being sick and having all of my family home for my son's wedding, changing jobs, losing a dear friend that I worked for and starting two new jobs. The excuses need to be put back in the drawer and a new plan has to be implemented. I have composed a list of my goals for the month and will check back in at the end of the month to tell how I did. I made them do-able goals. Since I've been out of the practice of going to the Y since my water aerobics instructor had to quit my goal for strength training is very minimal.


September 1, 2010
Goals

1. Stop emotional eating, especially at night.
2. Exercise aerobically 3 x a week
3. Track food
4. Track water
5. 50 situps a day
6. go to the y and do strength training at least 1 x a week
7. read my Bible daily; including a Proverb a day
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COLD_GOLD 9/28/2010 8:07PM

    hey! these are really good goals... sounds like you went through a lot in the past little while... keep on keeping on!

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COLD_GOLD 9/28/2010 8:07PM

    hey! these are really good goals... sounds like you went through a lot in the past little while... keep on keeping on!

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KASEYCOFF 9/2/2010 7:33AM

    Attagirl, Rita! Those are all SMART goals, and your plan sounds really good. (I might crib a couple off your list, my own self, lol!)

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ANDI571 9/1/2010 10:35PM

    I started fresh again also. I think Sept. 1, 2010 will be our time. emoticon

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DEBRITA01 9/1/2010 10:26PM

    emoticon Your goals are specific and measurable and more importantly, doable. With so much happening in your life lately, you are now back in control and ready to do this! I know you can, Rita!

Summer fun is over, "Class" is back in session - for all of us! Wishing you a terrific September!
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HAPPY1049 9/1/2010 2:56PM

    Those are reasonable and good goals. You're on the right track! Good for you!
I especially like your Bible reading daily, and a Proverb daily. I know that the Lord will help you when you call upon Him.

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SONYATAYLOR1 9/1/2010 11:45AM

    emoticon

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REMIAM 9/1/2010 10:22AM

  September 1 is a great kickoff date for recharging! Good luck with your reaffirmations and goals. emoticon emoticon

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BUGGYS 9/1/2010 8:11AM

    I'm with you on your September goals! I made way too many excuses over the summer which I have to work through. We'll do this together, Rita! emoticon

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SUNNY332 9/1/2010 8:04AM

    Best of wishes on your September Goals. emoticon and I will be here to emoticon you on to victory.

Take care, Rita, and have a Super September!

Sunny

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PMAY0313 9/1/2010 7:52AM

    Keep the faith!
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