Monday, December 20, 2010
I really started out today as a good day and then I got mad, for something stupid. My weight is bothering me since my relatives are here and I feel ashamed. I can't take that out on somebody else for real. I am happy till they come cause I know how they talk about people and I feel self conscious, especially today because somebody else bought candy and oh my God.... Enough is Enough. I feel ok now, I need to get some anti freeze before I hit the road, so that is a challenge unless I go now.... which I might.
Went and got antifreeze and found some in the car. Made the best of it though. Will just use it next time. I am determined to get above all the drama and get it back together. I just knew it was my time....boy was I wrong...
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Today is here. WOW. With it I have 2 cars with engine problems and the "good car" the shift is sticking and here I am just starting to work after being laid off for 15 months. At least my youngest daughter has a job where she makes about $250 every 2 weeks. that helps, my college student doesn't seem to get that she needs to bring something to the table as well because her car will cost $1500.00 to fix, my youngest car will probably cost around $500.00 "the good car" and o my truck, well I haven't even gotten a price yet for having to take care of theirs. Truthfully, when I get my income taxes in February, I am planning on buying me something, which is hopefully paid for.
Also my oldest "the college student" is transferring schools and needs $80 registration fee and $300 to pay off her old school so her transcripts can be released and $75 - $300 for a deposit on an apartment depending on whether we get the money before the special runs out". Did I mention, that I also have to rent a UHAUL at the end of this month to move her furniture from her previous apartment? Yet with all this going on, I feel good today. I have a workable plan and we will see what God says. God is good and I know this and I am standing on this. I am confident and faithful that God will fix this situation and it will all come out better than I ever imagined.
Actually, I am excited today. I don't know why, I just am. I am immensely joing SparkPeople. I havent't really lost any weight yet, but I know I will start being healthy and exercising and be my sweet joyous self. I have the desire in my heart with no action yet. I am blessed and I know it. THIS TOO SHALL PASS in terms of the adversities. I am so excited because I hope to be on the payroll soon as an employee cause I love my job and the people I work with. We just delivered to a needy family this week where one of the family members has aids and I am psyched about this. This is my passion, helping others, especially on Jersus's birthday. God be with me and mine and beyond.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Its Thanksgiving Time and the holiday spirit is in the air. That food spirit. I talked to one of my good friends this weekend and she is on the glutin free diet. She has lost 16 pounds and she says it costs her $1000 a month for the food just for her. That is not doable. I have made a major attitude adjustment though since I joined the Spark in September this year. I have decided new theme is: DON'T LET WHAT YOU CAN'T DO STOP YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU CAN DO. I am so motivated since I found the Spark and the thyroid community on the spark because since I have been talking about my thyroid condition instead of hiding behind it, I have found that 2 of my close friends have thyroid issues as well. The same as me. What a missed opportunity for us hiding behind what we have been going thru all alone, especially the weight gain, but almost as worst the brain fog. Who knew? I am pretty happy now. Still like to sleep, just sleep a little too much even for my own taste and that is saying a lot. I want to be better and do better. I am ready to take that step right at Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I don't know what is wrong with me. I do not do nothing. I don't exercise, I don't eat right, but I cry about it well though. I love FourLocos. I say I am willing to change, until it is time to change, then, I don't do it. Just like when I started Spark People, I was down with the program. I even told about 6 or 7 people about it. Life is good right now and usually when life is good, I can follow my diet and do everything I am suppose to do because I am happy. I am happy. I swear I am, but I am not following my diet. What is the deal. I should be mad with myself and I should be angry, but I am happy. No I don't want to be 285 lbs and I don't like it, but even that today is not getting me down, when usually I would be so depressed. Is that a bad thing? I don't know anymore. Most days it is a bad thing that I am 285 but it is not a bad thing that FINALLY I feel happy despite being 285. so again....its good but it ain't Great....ain't it?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
today I am frustrated, I had a cheat day on friday, but since then, I am still cheating. I bought a whole big bag of peanut M & M's when the craving hit for chocolate and in 2 days, they are gone with 1600 calories to show for it. allin the same day when I went to the store and bought bananas and grapes for the sweet tooth along with kettle corn. I hate this. this is a bad day. I have lost only 2 lbs since Sep 16. Can't really say I was serious in the beginning, kinda of just enjoyed the website.
I am uptight because I find out this week if I get to keep my job and though some minutes I am confident, others, I am mush, I don't know why. Actually I do know why. If I don't get to keep this job, I have nothing to fall back on. I have no job. I may get to sustitute teach, but if that don't happen, I don't know what is going to happen to me or my girls. I think this is something to be nervous about. We will survive, we always do, but never have I been in such dire straits. well actually I have when my husband and I broke up and I had to move back to Louisiana with one then 2 daughters in tow. God has been good to me and even though righ not, I really want to bit and moan and say poor poor pitiful me. I know in my heart that God is and will come through for me, just like he has done so many times before. I want to feel dosn, I want to feel out, but truth is, I am not either. I know enuff to know if God don't open this door for me, it because its is not the door for me. I know that about God. Its just that I have this MBA degree and its in Human Resources and I am working in law at 49 years old with not an HR job in sight. I look at others and they have theirs, why am I still struggling especially when I am so diligent in the Lord, why am I tested day in and day out. It is so exhausting and of course I am frustrated, I know I have what it takes, I am smart, I am or at least I was confident and I do have an education as well as the capabilites to get the done, but me being 280 something pounds is killing my self esteem, I can not be happy or confident for more than a few hours at a time and a set back to me is like a set out. I feel like I am not even in the game anymore, I don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself or rejected or dejected. I wan to be me again and there is at least 100 pounds standing in the way and I don't know how with a thyroid condition and negative energy all around me and just sick and tired of being tirec everhwhere how am I going to make it I mean truly make it to the finitsh line.
I wonder if I post all the bad things that it will make me feel better
I am 280 pounds of blubber
I don't look good anymore
I don't feel good anymore
I don't like myself anymore
I feel damaged
I don't have hardly any friends
I don't have a long term job
I don't have money
I don't have a decent car
I don't have good credit
I have not paid my house note
I often feel very lonely
I don't have a relationship with my sister
I feel distanced from my dad, but I do love him
Listing all this bad sucks
I have good
My daughters love me and I love them
I have an awesome mother
I will lose weight
I will get a good job
I will pay off my bills
I get along with dad
My sister & I will be alright
I will have a car in 2011
I can also go work for Parr Inspections if I get laid off and make boocoo money
I have my MBA degree
I have HR experience
I have my TWIC card.
Above ALL I have the LORD THY GOD IN MY LIFE who is not NEVA EVA going NO Where
Dee is a Jr in college
Arri finished High School
I like my job, temp or not
They like me, because they are trying to hire me
I am ungrateful
I found Sparkpeople
I am going to get me a man
I have Mark I and Mark II in my life
I will pay my house off in the next 5 years
I will see Chloe soon
My ex husband is out of my life, not the kids but mine
My food addiction is going away
GLUTTONY IS A SIN!!!!
God Bless Me. At first I didn't know what would happen when I put only negative down, but it has sparked a positive revolution.
The future looks bright.
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