Monday, November 22, 2010
Its Thanksgiving Time and the holiday spirit is in the air. That food spirit. I talked to one of my good friends this weekend and she is on the glutin free diet. She has lost 16 pounds and she says it costs her $1000 a month for the food just for her. That is not doable. I have made a major attitude adjustment though since I joined the Spark in September this year. I have decided new theme is: DON'T LET WHAT YOU CAN'T DO STOP YOU FROM DOING WHAT YOU CAN DO. I am so motivated since I found the Spark and the thyroid community on the spark because since I have been talking about my thyroid condition instead of hiding behind it, I have found that 2 of my close friends have thyroid issues as well. The same as me. What a missed opportunity for us hiding behind what we have been going thru all alone, especially the weight gain, but almost as worst the brain fog. Who knew? I am pretty happy now. Still like to sleep, just sleep a little too much even for my own taste and that is saying a lot. I want to be better and do better. I am ready to take that step right at Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I don't know what is wrong with me. I do not do nothing. I don't exercise, I don't eat right, but I cry about it well though. I love FourLocos. I say I am willing to change, until it is time to change, then, I don't do it. Just like when I started Spark People, I was down with the program. I even told about 6 or 7 people about it. Life is good right now and usually when life is good, I can follow my diet and do everything I am suppose to do because I am happy. I am happy. I swear I am, but I am not following my diet. What is the deal. I should be mad with myself and I should be angry, but I am happy. No I don't want to be 285 lbs and I don't like it, but even that today is not getting me down, when usually I would be so depressed. Is that a bad thing? I don't know anymore. Most days it is a bad thing that I am 285 but it is not a bad thing that FINALLY I feel happy despite being 285. so again....its good but it ain't Great....ain't it?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
today I am frustrated, I had a cheat day on friday, but since then, I am still cheating. I bought a whole big bag of peanut M & M's when the craving hit for chocolate and in 2 days, they are gone with 1600 calories to show for it. allin the same day when I went to the store and bought bananas and grapes for the sweet tooth along with kettle corn. I hate this. this is a bad day. I have lost only 2 lbs since Sep 16. Can't really say I was serious in the beginning, kinda of just enjoyed the website.
I am uptight because I find out this week if I get to keep my job and though some minutes I am confident, others, I am mush, I don't know why. Actually I do know why. If I don't get to keep this job, I have nothing to fall back on. I have no job. I may get to sustitute teach, but if that don't happen, I don't know what is going to happen to me or my girls. I think this is something to be nervous about. We will survive, we always do, but never have I been in such dire straits. well actually I have when my husband and I broke up and I had to move back to Louisiana with one then 2 daughters in tow. God has been good to me and even though righ not, I really want to bit and moan and say poor poor pitiful me. I know in my heart that God is and will come through for me, just like he has done so many times before. I want to feel dosn, I want to feel out, but truth is, I am not either. I know enuff to know if God don't open this door for me, it because its is not the door for me. I know that about God. Its just that I have this MBA degree and its in Human Resources and I am working in law at 49 years old with not an HR job in sight. I look at others and they have theirs, why am I still struggling especially when I am so diligent in the Lord, why am I tested day in and day out. It is so exhausting and of course I am frustrated, I know I have what it takes, I am smart, I am or at least I was confident and I do have an education as well as the capabilites to get the done, but me being 280 something pounds is killing my self esteem, I can not be happy or confident for more than a few hours at a time and a set back to me is like a set out. I feel like I am not even in the game anymore, I don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself or rejected or dejected. I wan to be me again and there is at least 100 pounds standing in the way and I don't know how with a thyroid condition and negative energy all around me and just sick and tired of being tirec everhwhere how am I going to make it I mean truly make it to the finitsh line.
I wonder if I post all the bad things that it will make me feel better
I am 280 pounds of blubber
I don't look good anymore
I don't feel good anymore
I don't like myself anymore
I feel damaged
I don't have hardly any friends
I don't have a long term job
I don't have money
I don't have a decent car
I don't have good credit
I have not paid my house note
I often feel very lonely
I don't have a relationship with my sister
I feel distanced from my dad, but I do love him
Listing all this bad sucks
I have good
My daughters love me and I love them
I have an awesome mother
I will lose weight
I will get a good job
I will pay off my bills
I get along with dad
My sister & I will be alright
I will have a car in 2011
I can also go work for Parr Inspections if I get laid off and make boocoo money
I have my MBA degree
I have HR experience
I have my TWIC card.
Above ALL I have the LORD THY GOD IN MY LIFE who is not NEVA EVA going NO Where
Dee is a Jr in college
Arri finished High School
I like my job, temp or not
They like me, because they are trying to hire me
I am ungrateful
I found Sparkpeople
I am going to get me a man
I have Mark I and Mark II in my life
I will pay my house off in the next 5 years
I will see Chloe soon
My ex husband is out of my life, not the kids but mine
My food addiction is going away
GLUTTONY IS A SIN!!!!
God Bless Me. At first I didn't know what would happen when I put only negative down, but it has sparked a positive revolution.
The future looks bright.
Friday, October 08, 2010
I am feeling pretty good about myself lately. I don't think I've lost any weight to speak of, but my attitude has changed, and when my attitude changes my weight normally does too. I am finally about me a little bit and not feeling guilty about it. My life has taken a turn where I feel I am about to start working to really have a career again. After not working for a year, it really throws you off target. I finally got my MBA after a long hard fight. I got Arri graduated and the job is coming for her. I just need to worry about me for a change and its nice.
I feel that I have taken a turn in which I can be the focus, not only spiriturally which has been my one and only focus to keep myself on track mentally, but a physical turn. I want to get out and exercise, I want to look good, I want to feel good and I am finally willing to do the things that I need to do to get there. Like giving up the Four Locos in the after noon which I found out were 760 calories. That is like having a big mac a day, no wonder I am a big balloon. Can you imagine what that is going to do for my body to lose a big mac a day from my daily intake. I am hoping for a great difference in the month of October. I want to be happy again and free again to be me and to make a difference in the lives of others and in my life. I am feeling good right now, so good that I can hardly contain it. I love being me again and I have passed the test. A lady prayed for me the other night to ward off depression and to free me from ? well these 2 things I did not consider myself to be and after thinking about it, I was both of those things. I feel great. I do. and I am so surprised. It has been a long time coming and I am so glad that it is here I don't know what to do. I am not sharing my blogs yet. My blogs right now are for me, so I can really be open with myself first, then I can open up to others and be a beacon for them. I still have so much in my heart that I want to do. I feel good. I am woman here me roar
Thursday, September 30, 2010
4 real. 2 days ago, I was frantic, I was upset, I was hopeless almost. Now today, I have set what I feel are attainable goals and I really want to assist in my own sucess. Who is is gonna do it, if not me>? I feel pretty good today and I know that I have the strength to carry this through. even though I just ate 3 stuffed bell peppers for lunch and snack today. whoops
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