Wednesday, April 09, 2008
So its a new day. I feel really good today although I am kind of tired. I woke up, went to the gym, went swimming, went to a friends and now im home. Nothign overly exciting.
It really interesting to me now how people grow, learn and adapt. Just from watching my friends and family I have come to a conclusion that people can change almost before your eyes and i dont just mean your moods. My dad used to be a very grumpy man, who suffered from depression, and now he is happy. I know he has times where he is not happy but he has excelled a lot in life and in himself. He now motivates me and keep me going when i feel liek giving up.
My sister is another example. she has been over weight he entire lifem and so have i, and now we are doing somehting about it, but she is stronger now than ever before and she is happy and she laughs more. It may not seem liek much, but knowign her for 20.5 years, it is a big difference in a matter of 2 weeks.
And myself. Up until recently I thought Iwas in love with this guy and I thought I could do nothing without him, I wouldnt be abel to go back to school I wouldnt be able to quit smoking, I wouldnt be abel to ever be happy. In the 2 and a half, 3 weeks I have been goign to the gym, I am happy and I know i can do well at school, I quit smokign except for a few cigars, and im possibly almost ready for a realtionship. as wierd as it sounds to me.
I realyl believe that people can adfapt, maybe not change who they are, but adapt to the people thay want to be and move forward in life.
My dad used to tell me life is usually one step forward and two steps back, the trick is to make it two steps forward when step back, and just keep pushing forward. He was right. It took me a logn time to learn that but I did. I'm not saying im perfect by any means i ahve a lot of faults and i know that. But it feels really good and gives me confidence to know I am improving myself, and adapting to the person I want to be.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
so I know i JUST posted a blog, but i reeally have a lot on my midn tonight, so here is anotherone that i actualyl wrote on my blogging site from before i found SP
Life is differently lately. I am happy, sure of myself, getting more confident and it honestly scares me a lot.
I really am used to being the girl who is in the back ground and only talks about cars and trucks and motorcycles. The one that helps the girls with their problems while not beign able to face my own.
I never really thought much of it before i started goingto the gym, and while i am still too overweight to be healthy ive noticed changes in me and my attitude that I never thought I would get back. I'm slowly going back to becomming the person I used to be, and the person I want to be and I NNEVER thought I would be able to accomplish that.
I have quit smoking, im going back to school and I am genuinely a nice person again. I laugh more, real laughter, I can think clearly, and argue logical points.
Now this might not seem like a big deal to people, but it is to me, I lost myself for a long time and im finalyl starting to find myself again and that makes all the difference in what happens in my life. I can now honestly say I can see myself going to university, and possibly one day havign a real relationship.
I also realize I may be older than I want to be when I get everything I want, but at least it will be within reach, my motorcycle, my house, and my truck (already have the car). anything after that is kind of on hold until it happens.
And I'm excited now to see how my life plays out based on my decisions. I dont want to spend the rest of ym life the way I spent the last 2.5 years, looking back and wishing I could change soemthing, so I am not goign to, It's time to move on.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Everyone has different forms of motivation, everyone has different reasons for their motivation, their gains, their losses, they life style, and their changes. Not everythign can be controlled, but the way you handle the situation determines an outcome you can control.
My dad told me once that beign healthy and losign weight is all mental, and if you can get to the point where you dont dread going to the gym, and dont cut yourself off from the things you "shouldnt eat" and only eat them in moderation you will succeed. My dad is my motivation, I turn to him when I need help, as well as my friends on SP.
My dad also explained to me that once you get past the mental part of not wantign to go to the gym, but instead pushing yourself to go when everythign is against you, that is when you have the strength to overcome ANY obstacle in life. And that is the main reason I have decided to change my life.
I want to be able to handle anythign life gives me. I want to be strong both mentally and physically, and i believe that I CANNOT be strong mentally if I am physically not happy with myself.
these pictures keep me going, and hopefully they will for a while... enjoy
Yes i know there are a lot but to me they are worth it
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
So instead of writing two blogs i will just amke one for right now and if soemthign coems up i can blog later lol.
As some of you know i hired a personal trainer who i see ocne a week. Trainer Tuesdays. she kicks my @$$ really far lol. Today i did a total of 40 lunges, 27 hanstring things with a ball, 27 bench presses, 30 lateral pulldowns, jumping on stepping block things, squats with 24 extra pounds, liek hello i already weight 204, i really dont need another 24. and some other thigns i cant really remember. Plus 10 minutes on the elliptical trainer on the "personal trainer" setting. Holy i am not as sore as i thought i would be, but i definately reached my "point of failure" with my muscles today. Then i went tannign and it was definately better lol, nice relaxing hot bulbs and tannign lotion.
As for the CHALLANGE
I didnt get to eat a very good breakfast, beign as i woke up super late, so i ate an apple cause someone told me they had fibre? so that held me over till i got home, ive drank about 4 bottles of water so far today, id say im doign pretty good. i got in a healthy breakfast in little time, ive eaten every 2.5-3 hours so far and drank water. YAY
Oh and i met this guy last night thats actually kinda cool so i had a fun night. it was definately nice to be away from my drama filled girll friends for a bit
Monday, April 07, 2008
or Pain is Gain....seriously i hurt. i jogged 2 miles in the last two days, ran up flights of stairs, did weight training, used the ellipitcal, and the stair master, and i stepped wrong running up the actual stairs today and now my knee severely hurts. i knew before i started runnign them that it would probbaly push me to far, but im stubborn, and i did it anyways.
Now i can barely walk, although i wotn readily admit that out loud. i have a meeting with my trainer on tuesday to work out and it is going to kill me so i think i might end up going to get a knee brace to help hold me together.
Long story short, stupid girls should not drive pickups, they end up hurting people like me. Tire moves, leg on tire, knee turns, stop truck, repeat. then walk on it all day in the bush...not good!!!
So now im paying for it. But oh well once i build the muscle up in my leg it will be fine. im just kinda kicking myself in the @$$ for pushing myself so hard. so of course im in pain, so im in a bad mood so i smoked 2 more cigars!!!!
which makes me more mad at myself for smokign them btu seriously i just feel liek crap the last few days im bitchy, im moody, im tired, i think i need a real days sleep. which i cant have because i work until 8 am, then have a dentist appt at 4 pm then i get to sleep tonight so i can go for my tranin appointment at 9 am on tuesday. then i get all of wednesday off from working and appointments. i just want one full day where i can sleep enough to make me forget about everything!!!!
On top of that my sister and co worker expect me to go to the gym whenever they want to go, but yet I end up going days by myself...how does that one work??? I went yesterday by myself because my sister had to work, fair enough,but amy was suppossed to come, i called her at 815 and she said she would meet me there at 0900 when they opened. okay works for me
9 am, shes not there, call her cell a few times, call her house, not answering, turns out she fell asleep. which sucks for me cause i got to go for 2 hours by myself, but gaunrenteed next time she goes shes gunna want me to go with her.
Then she calls and apologizes for fallign asleep. i told her i dont care and she was talkign about how she really wanted to go and now she felt bad she didnt go (this was before noon) so i told her to go then if she really wanted to go shed be fine to go on her own. She didnt go, apparently she is sick again.
It just kinda really makes me angry that i am pushing myself to EXTREMES to be going with both them. 6 days a week, at least an hour, and im pushign myself so that they will at least put some effort into it and now they dont really seem to be putting any effort into it so i feel resentful towards them and i shouldnt but i do.
Some more effort on their part would be great. Even if they just showed enough motivation to go on their own a few times, or if they actually wanted to see some of the stuff my trainer teaches me...
Anyway i guess this is a long enough rant im going to go stretch so i can hopefully have my knee for morning...
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