Wednesday, June 04, 2008
So no school now, not for forestry, as much as it interests me and as much as id love to do what I want to do, I do not have the patience and the drive to do it all...However i was thinking of all the things that make me hapy, forestry, excersize, helping people, being in beautiful areas, friends etc etc
And I came to this conclusion...I want to be a medic...not the kind that drive ambulances, but the first response they use on job sites, I could travel a lot of places, see a lot of things, meet a lot of people and help and maybe make that split second difference in soemones life. I realize bad things could happen and people could die, but I know id do everythign I can to prevent that. I am going to save all the money I can over the enxt while, and take the course...It is an intense 2 week course but once I have it I am good.
Had an AMAZING workout with my trainer today, after my brother and law and i got into yet another fight, 2nd one in 4 days yay. And i broke down on the phone to my mom...But i pushed myself better and harder than I have to date and i love that feeling.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
this time not health related. I decided in the last couple days I am going back to school. I am capable of so much more than I am doing and I need to do more. So tomorrow I am dropping off resumes (today i suppose june 4) And I am goign to call ym dad, see if he can cut out my rent, im going to register for college asap and get an application in for a student loan, and talk to my dad about cutting my rent out of my bills and having him help me with school if I need it. He said he would before, Im hopign he will now. I need to make a lot of serious changes in my life, so I might as well start now, I was determined to get my life in order and that is what I'm goign to do, even if it takes everything I have.
Granted this may mean my workouts kinda fall to the background for a while but ill do it. all of it
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
So the last...36 hours? have been pretty intense. My coworker came into work at 6...she knows JPs Baby momma lol...and i guess she was talking to her sister (coworkers sister) and her sister doesnt like BM, she thinks that JP is too good for her, and I had thought I was doing okay with it...apparently not so much lol...But thats okay, because everntually it was goign to coem up and I was going to have to deal with it...I mean its only so easy to hide...and I needed to face the truth again...And im glad I did...I still lvoe him, but im not goign to be where I'm not wanted.
And then I helped my sister fold soem laundry and we went to the lake, planned for a couple hours, went with her friend and her friends 2 kids, 3 year old and a 5 month year old. It was fun, I locked my keys in the car 45 minutes from town, and that kind of sucked but we were at the lake for almsot 12 hours, it was soo relaxing. I got a bit burnt but its turning into a nice tan now, which is awesome..AND HERES THE BEST PART!!! I went swimming in a bikini top and board shorts!!! Granted there wasnt anyone around for most the time but it felt good to haver the confidence to do it...
And then I came home...my sister was drunk haha...her DH and his friend were drinking, we got in a big argument over soemthign supid, My friend called and ivited me to his place to ahng out...and so I did and his brother rbought up soem emxican tequila...HOLY SMOOOTH...
Needless to say I got pretttty drunk and dont remember what happened. I remember going for a walk and puking watchign a grusome movie hahaha. Other than that the night is a blank... but i think I had fun, my friends say I did haha.
Then i woek up, drove home after 3 hour ssleep...went back to sleep lol and woek up and went downtown...
Unfortunately I'm not going to the gym today..i figure the walkign while drunk, jogging sober at the lake, playing on the playground and swimming made enough excersizing for both days lol... Plus my knees are sore from running in crocs which have no support at all lol... And I have a trainign appointment tomorrow So I will be okay to take today off...work harder tomorrrow.
That was the start of my 4 days off...today is day 2 haha...i have 3 days and 3.5 hours till my next shift starts...I enjoy my life now...
I bought my dad a fathers day Card today that almost made me cry, it brough tears to my eyes because I miss them so much but I'll make it through.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Well I'm insanely sore...didnt do ANYTHING T ODAY too sore haha it hurt to get out of bed...and usualyl id whine and complain but you know what? I really dont mind it. It means I did a really good workout...So i cant walk very well haha it isnt the end of the world...I can still walk :D
And tomorrow I shoudl feel better..tuesday I have another appointment with ym trainer so that should be good :D
and I'm doing okay without ym parents beign here...Dad called me this mornign to see how I was. I didnt get the call as I was driving and my phone was on vibrate then I didnt check it before I crawled into bed. but thats okay I text my bro just now whos with them and let them know everything is okay here.
I hope I am way less sore tomorrow so I can at least go rollerblading.
Emotionally everythign is still stable
Sunday, June 01, 2008
So After a conversation with Chris today, I decided I like me, well I've always liked me but ive always hated parts of me.
I am much more calm and relaxed now that I have been workign out more, I still have my random anger mood swings, but life just seems easier. I mean I made it through my parents moving today, went rollerblading after a killer workout, and then cooked a healthy dinner and ate one portion and saved the other for work.
I think about things now, i am quite content lying outside suntanning in my backyard, I dont always have to be moving and going out to make up for that stillness inside me that used to drive me insane, I actually like spending time with just me...Tomorrow I am dragging my sister to the gym, she wont do university hill with me (where my trainer and I went today for out workout) but thats okay she will be ready for it eventually.
Even when I was working out with my trainer today, It hurt, and she pushed me, andduring the jog down university hill we talked and she actually sounded proud of me, asked me how my smokign was going and if i had quit yet, I told her no, she asked why not, and i told her honestly I didnt know...she asked if things were stressful and i said extremely, but thats an excuse not a reason, And now that I have had time to contemplate that, that was a wierd answer for me, usually I would have said not ready yet, cant get my motivation, stressed, upset...but it was mere;y a honest i dont know, and at the end I thanked her for pushign me and making me do it, even though she gets paid for it I totally could have slacked, but I didnt and my thanks was sincere, and we were laughign when we were done.
It has definately been a wierd day, I really enjoyed it though, I am determined to make tomorrow jsut as good, especialy for the cardio :D
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