RESERVED1948   1,675
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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I am in love with this fellow who tells me I must lose weight before he finds me desireable. I have been seeing him for six months exclusively. We share meals and time together and he is affectionate to me. Interestingly or ironically since I am a Christian lady, premartial sex is not on the table. Lately he is suggesting that he might marry me but he insists I need to go through the process of losing weight. Needless to say, I am emotional eater and haven't been able to lose any weight since I find myself trying to quell my feelings of sexual frustration and rejection with food. I do believe I belong with this man and that this man needs me in his life because he is alone. He has led a life of being a Casanova and asserts he has never been attracted to heavy women and alas I am 150 pounds overweight. Worse, he has seen a picture of me from 40 years ago (when I was 25) and I weighed 140 pounds then. He wants me to look like that and then he could be attracted to me physically. He says he loves me and I am extremely attracted to him. I am wondering what kind of feedback I will get from this post because for the life of me I am baffled as to why I continue in this relationship except that I do have a need to be needed and this guy needs me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NWME4EVRMARYANN 2/27/2014 10:44AM

    I agree with all the posts.
He is an abuser, emotional right now,
but they only get worse and eventually
abuse you physically.

Let the loser go!

My prayers will be with you.

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ROBBGIN 2/25/2014 6:31PM

    Sorry, but I agree with all these ladies....especially BLONDEE53. She hit the nail on the head. You and I are about the same age (I'm 63) and I was married to someone similar to this guy. It is EMOTIONAL ABUSE and it is just as mean spirited as the physical. My ex told me right before we split up.....I had gained about 30 pounds or so....... that all the men at church have these beautiful, good looking wives and look what he If you have never been married and are so "in love", then go ahead and marry him, but if you don't lose the weight and keep it off, he'll make your life miserable and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. Good luck with your situation and keep praying about it. Prayer works!

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/25/2014 6:33:08 PM

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PRESBESS 2/21/2014 1:49PM

    I hate to say it, but, you sound a little desperate... as though this is you last chance at love. It isn't. Let me say it again, "it isn't your last chance at love.

Your heart is conflicted and you are motivated by the lack of sex and the desire for a relationship. I get it. There is nothing wrong with wanting those things, afterall, they are big components to our lives, however, your situation is a disaster waiting to happen, mainly, because of his criteria set upon you.

Stop spending time with him because the more you do, the harder it will be to see and think clearly about the situation. In the meantime, continue to work on you. You've not lost weight after trying for 35 years. Something isn't right. Get additional help in this area. Also, talk to your Pastor and his wife to get their feedback.

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JAZZYGF 2/21/2014 10:32AM

    think and really look at this situation. You cannot change him and telling you to loose weight is horrid. Don't cave in. You must take control of your weight. Don't loose weight for this man he is not worth it. You are a good person their is someone out there especially for you.

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RESERVED1948 2/19/2014 9:15PM

    to clarify, my friend needs me as much as he needs air. When I met him he was a homeless Viet Nam vet who slept at our church. I had a crush on him for about 2 months when I started being on his bus as he was taking a computer class to keep his food stamps. When he told me his situation I was astounded because this man kept himself immaculate and had a great amount of dignity. I never would have guessed his homeless situation. Later I learned that he built his own shower in the church. I don't think I am mixing up pity with love. I just fell so totally in love with this man and have been helping him. Since I met him he is now in his own apartment and has a decent job and may soon be getting a better one. He is trying to get his life on track and I think he is being bluntly honest when he says I need to go through the process of losing weight. I do not accept myself at this weight either and am anxious to lose weight and have been trying to lose weight for 35 years but only gain weight. I appreciate all your feedback because it gives me something to think about. I have been alone a very long time without a love interest (18years) and along comes this man who I fall for hook, line and sinker. It is a good thing I have my faith in Jesus Christ. I am praying and asking God for guidance and direction which is my heart's desire to do the will of Christ. Thank you all again for your input.

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SUGARSMOM2 2/19/2014 4:17PM

  emoticon hold the phone . if he is laying down rules that you must lose weight to be with him then . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon you had better stop and think this one over . You will never look like you did twenty five years ago . that time is gone . i know even if you lose the weight you will not hold it in the same spots that you once did . honey walk away . he is not the one for you . he wants much more from you then you should give up . its not just the weight . He is not good hubby material . if he loved you then you are good enough for him the way you are right now not thinner not with different colored hair or that new dress you are you. you want a guy who loves you for you . you are enough

Comment edited on: 2/19/2014 4:19:17 PM

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BLONDEE53 2/19/2014 3:49PM

    I'm sorry, but I'd be "insisting" he hit the road and take his condescending attitude with him. You deserve more and will never "please" someone who says you must change to be acceptable...

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NELLIEC 2/19/2014 2:52PM

    I have learned over the years that someone who wants you to change or wants to change you is not one to get married to. Of course, the same goes for you. Don't marry someone thinking they will change.

That kind of marriage is miserable! Been there, done that!

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LIVENOW2012B 2/19/2014 2:49PM

    Let me ask you a few questions:
1) Are there other things that he finds fault with?
2) What if you don't lose the weight? Will you be happy with him always commenting on it? What about him "watch-dogging" you after you lose the weight, since that is obviously an important issue to him?
3) If you saw your daughter, niece, best friend, or sister in this situation, what would you advise them?

Don't shortchange yourself by being with someone just to be needed.

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JANE-DOE 2/19/2014 2:24PM

    Run away. Fast.
Think about what your future life would be like....You've lost the weight & are now married. You really think he's going to be a great husband? No. Not a chance.

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EVIE4NOW 2/19/2014 1:14PM

  Personally, I would run like hell and get away from him. I will be accepted for who I am regardless. You are 65 now and can't be expected to look 25. You say you share meals... who pays for the food and decides what to eat? You say he needs you but in what way? To fix (and pay) for his meals? To nurture him in his old age? I would be so leery of this. Good luck and prayers with you.

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I need God's grace

Sunday, September 23, 2012

We all know insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. I keep trying to do this in my own strength and then it finally hits me, I cannot change me. Only God can change me! I am willing for God to take over my life and restore me to sanity. I have finally learned to trust God and I am grateful for my salvation in Jesus Christ. I've had this all along but I kept trying to do it myself. I will do this. I will get to a healthy weight but it won't be in my strength it will be in the strength of Almighty God.

Thank you for letting me share.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TONYVAND1 9/28/2012 11:15AM

  Wonderful message. We need to turn to God . Only with Him can we do it.

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WILDFLOWERR_ 9/23/2012 11:52PM

    Now your talking! Thats how I did it! emoticon
When you feel weak, just yell out, "Philippians 4:13!

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DIANEMAR 9/23/2012 5:10PM

    So true, isn't it interesting that we know only God can do it but we keep trying to figure out some system to 'help' Him along. I came to that realization recently and what I am doing now is since I know generally the calories I need and use, He has led me to start culling processed foods from my menu. That isn't easy, but I know it is God cause it is good for me. Good luck and listen to Him, He knows the best way for you!

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MAYLEE425 9/23/2012 1:48AM


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BSTOBIE 9/23/2012 1:46AM

    Amen! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

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No more excuses

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My weight is the same this year as it was last year. Actually, I gained a few pounds and struggled to get back where I am. My goal, after all, is to lose 150 pounds, not stay where I am and maintain. Diet and exercise are the only solutions since I would not go for a lap band or surgery. This requires discipline and resolve. My true fault is my lack of discipline. Only I can self-discipline myself. This is up to me. This is something that will take courage and endurance to change. I cannot change what has occurred in the past but I can take responsibility for today, tomorrow and all the days following. Growing up is hard to do but it is possible, I believe! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NELLIEC 12/31/2010 6:31PM

    Yes, the past is in the past. What we deal with is the NOW that can lead to our future!

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 12/31/2010 3:33AM


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LINDEE6 12/30/2010 2:56PM

    You are absolutely right! Why does it take us years and years of struggling to see this? I pray for every success for you during the new year.

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JUDAHL 12/30/2010 2:21PM

  I feel the same

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ANGEL7903 12/30/2010 1:07PM

  Yes! You so worded this right. This is how I feel to. emoticon

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Exercise self control

Monday, August 30, 2010

About eleven months ago I resolved to lose a pound a month for two years which would be 104 pounds off of my then 307pounds. To date I am weighing 314 pounds and was all the way up to 319 pounds. Obviously there is an issue here and I would like to be able to keep my mobility and get back to a weight where I am not morbidly obese. My latest device which I have been successful at, is to fast from 8:00 pm until breakfast. I do allow myself water and have found that water does indeed appease the appetite. Also, by cutting off my food day, my food is more compressed so that I can analyze what I am eating better. I do have difficulty making myself exercise and need to create an exercise habit. I am good at coming up with excuses as to why I don't exercise. Being in this position is teaching me a lot about my character. I sneak in all kinds of foods that I shouldn't allow and just who is it that I am cheating? I am happy that I have been successful in finding a cut off in my day for food intake. I have very far to go and know that with God's help I will succeed. It is just hard to remain patient with myself since I have been so unsuccessful with this weight issue for so long. I must love myself right where I am!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZEFIRO 8/30/2010 4:05PM

    I share the issues you are struggling with and I really admire your honesty!
I wish you the very best,


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MAGGIEYE 8/30/2010 2:04PM

    I am in the same place as you. I'm meeting my goals in reverse, gaining the pounds I'd resolved to lose. But I logged back in to SP today, and so did you. That's a good step for both of us. Your idea of fasting from 8 until breakfast is good. I'm going to join you in that. As for the excuses for not exercising and for sneaking in foods, yeah, I'm with you there, too. I focus so much on where I would be if I'd stuck to my goals and it's discouraging. But you're right, I need to love and accept myself where I am. Thanks for writing this post. You've given me some inspiration and encouragement to start over and try again!

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Sorting things out

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

It occurs to me that it is obvious that I eat to make myself feel better. A gray, rainy day and some sweets left around are like an alcoholic finding liquour! However, when I look in the mirror, I do not like what I see. When I try to buy a belt and realize even if I could find one my size, that it would not look very attractive on me, I do not feel good. I had my wake up call this summer when I went to a party where I would see people who hadn't seen me for decades. I almost didn't go because I was embarrassed to show up looking the way I do at 306 pounds. I realize, I am not happy with my size but I don't know how to stop eating the foods that sabotage my diet. Six weeks ago I resolved to lose a pound a week and so far have only lost a half pound. I am becoming more and more conscious of how I use food to help me improve my moods. Sometimes it seems the only thing between me and sanity is if I allow myself that Snickers bar. I know, you can hear that candy snickering at me right now!

I realize this is a day by day process and I am trying to change a lifetime of habits. The real challenge is to continue to persist in spite of my shortcomings.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANYPOUNDSTOGO 10/29/2009 5:59AM

    You can change - take baby steps. It is so easy to go back to your old ways (I know for me it is very easy). Food has always been my best friend.

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MIMAWELIZABETH 10/28/2009 12:51PM

    Your blog could have been written by me word for word... I SO understand and relate to what you're feeling. In some dark moments, I ponder going back to drinking - despite being sober for over 30 years.

I'm sure it would be easier to deal with the aftermath of being drunk than binging; after all, when you stop drinking, you get sober; when you stop binging, the added weight doesn't go away.

Sometimes "Day By Day" isn't enough to keep us strong - it's still too much to face - so I take it decision by decision. I've "wanted" to lose weight for two years now, but am up 10# overall (after losing 22#).

All I can say is:
emoticonHANG IN THERE!
We're here for you! emoticon emoticon

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What? You too? Thought I was the only one.'"(C.S. Lewis)

Take care, Elizabeth~

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SIMPLYSCRIBE 10/28/2009 12:38PM

    Oh my gosh! I could have written this blog. Why do we do that to ourselves? Deep down, are we thinking that we aren't worth it? Try this. A friend is going overseas to Afghanistan. He tells you that you can drive his car while he's gone since you don't have one of your own. When he comes back, would you give him a filthy car with fast food wrappers all over it and a crumpled fender and no tail lights? Of course not!
Well it's the same thing with our bodies. Most of us were born these adorable little perfect beings. Then temptation got the better of us and we got more and more out of shape and did terrible things to our health. These bodies are on loan from God and one day He is going to want them back. Do you want to present yourself to Him the way you look right now?

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BLUEANGELLK 10/28/2009 12:17PM

    Good for you. You have made some incredible changes already and you are seeing the benefits. Keep going. You will get there!!!

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