Saturday, February 26, 2011
Since I eat alone a lot more often I've been experimenting with salads. Just ate a deliciously strange one with broccoli, iceberg lettuce, black olives, feta cheese, soft-boiled egg and quinoea. Got in 7 ounces of broccoli and a lot of good nutrients, had a lot to chew on and enjoyed every bite.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
I saw this quote on Aprillscott's spark page:
People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened! (Author Unknown)
Unfortunately, I recognize more of myself in the latter two than in the first, those who make things happen. Since my husband died, I seem to be in some kind of identity crisis. Turning 50 later this year will be part of it, I'm sure, but the catalyst is my husband's passing. He was a strong, passionate man who left his mark on me, my life, our home and our family. It was a good mark, but I often made the decision to do or not do things with him in mind. Now I am alone and it's all up to me. It's going to take me a while to get used to this, I think.
I will need to move from seeing my life pass by to havng the idea that I made things happen and have decided to make that my goal for the rest of this year. Deal with my husband's passing, which has left a big hole inside me, and get a grip on my own life.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
It's been a while since I wrote a blog entry. Fred was diagnosed with esophagal cancer in Sept. 2008 and after that, life became one big rollercoaster ride. Hope, fear, invasive surgery, several bouts of pneumonia, treatments, stopping treatments. Hospital in, hospital out. He died at home on April 6, 2010, with me sitting next to him. We spent the last months grieving together and talking about my future but also just enjoying life, our children, our families. We travelled some and tried to create good memories for our children in spite of his illness. Fred had the attitude that even if there were only 5-10 "fun" minutes each day, life was worth it.
Both my husband and I worried more about what the cancer would do with him than his actually dying. We are Christians and know that he is now with his heavenly Father and welcomed with open arms. He died peacefully with a smile on his face. This has given us great comfort, but seeing my strong, never sick husband with an athlete's condition deteriorate has been hard. Before his illness, people thought he was much younger than he was. At the end of his life, he weighed 40 kg. (down from 76; from 168 lbs. to abt. 88), was practically blind and had trouble walking. He had become an old man, and he hated this and the dependency on me. Although I was glad to be there for him, it was hard to see him like this.
We were surrounded by great family and friends who were there for us, both for him and me, as well as for our children. This support was incredible and priceless.
One thing that showed me how SparkPeople has affected my life is that during this period, while I had some really bad days in terms of eating, I did not gain any weight and my diabetes remained stable. In the past my weight would have mushroomed, causing me more despair than I was already feeling. I am getting back on the SP wagon, to pick up losing weight and being conscious about exercise, esp. by tracking food. But mostly just to take care of myself.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
I've started a 4-wk purge to cleanse my body of impurities. It's herb-based and I can eat healthy foods so don't have to worry about diabetes.
I've also decided that it's more practical for me to do weight exercises at home, at least until I have my driver's license. I walk and bike MILES each day, so get enough cardio at the moment. If I do the weight exercises at home, I'll be able to manage each day without going crazy.
I've also been taking better care of myself; for example cleansing my skin, using moisturizer, also using a bit of make-up and jewelry, which pleases Fred I've noticed.
In the past, I've had these moments, now I've got to keep it up and not let go of this progress in stopping the neglect of myself.
Will start Iytalian half September, excied about that, and though I failed my 1st driver's exam, understand what I did wrong and feel better abt the 2nd. I didn't reak out and not take the test (major victory), nor did I freak out abt failing (another major victory)!
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Nou, het wordt tijd om mezelf niet mer te verwaarlozen. 's Avonds tanden poetsen, gezicht wassen, gezond eten, weer lopen en fitness. Een hele tijd weer mezelf wegcijferen ivm kinderen, vooral Matteus, Fred, verbouwing, vakantie enz. Ben mezelf weer aan het verliezen maar wil dat niet. Tijdom alweer neiuwe start te maken.
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