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Still not myself but moving forward

Saturday, November 15, 2014

What does that mean, not myself? I'm not sure. I am just in a bit of a funk here and there. I miss my Boy. I was thinking earlier that is like living without my crutch, my crutch that made life so very much easier.

I am focused too much on weight something and not enough at other times. I need to find a balance and continue to see what works. I dreamed last night that I had a cookie, how sad is that. I hate when I dream about food. I think it is a bad sign.

Utah was in my dream for two nights this week. One night was upsetting but the other I felt like we were back together for a bit.

I think I get stressed, not sure why, and then I of course miss him more. It is very logical.

Now why all the stress. It is not like something bad had happened. I am a very blessed person and have so much.

I think it had been work. I want to do better. I want to make a difference and be seem as an asset. All is fine. It is not like a am doing a bad job. I just want to do great.

I need to trust the process and give it all time. I am not doing a great job of that when I comes to work.

I did catch up on blogs a bit today and that feels good. My DH is planning to go to the acreage today with Sierra. We were supposed to go but I have kind of wimped out. It is 27 now and is supposed to drop to 25. The high is predicted to be 46, but that of course will be later in the afternoon. Not sure if I should just bundle up and go or not. I am thinking that instead I need to work on the house. I have not dusted in forever I hate to say and really need to vacuum and at least attempt to declutter some as well. I think this may help me feel a bit better in general.

HUGS to you.

Oh and update on the pup. It has gone to another family. I am now on a waiting list of approved applicants. I had the phone interview and a home visit may happen at some point. No idea when a match will occur. Again...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLESSED2BEME 11/17/2014 12:22PM

    I am starting the process of declutering my whole house. Such work but taking a tiny area at a time and attempting to make a difference.

So sorry to hear that you don't feel yourself. You'll get back on your game again. I know you. You don't let anything keep you down for long at all. Utah is just reaching out to you cuz he knows you are out of sorts. I have very intense dreams when anything is going on with me so I can feel for you and your dreams.

Praying for Sierra. Did she hurt herself somehow? Piper is still limping. So frustrating.

Thanks for catching up on my blogs! I hope you have a terrific and balanced week.

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IRON_RESOLVE 11/16/2014 12:38AM

    To declutter, start and stay in one corner of a room, untill it's done. And yes , track nutrition. It works!

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/15/2014 6:56PM

    Ok, I think something's wrong with my computer. I don't know why it posted so many times! Sorry!

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/15/2014 6:55PM

    Hmm, I would LOVE it if it were 25. We have had subzero temps 6 days in a row now. Bundle up! Go to the acreage! Take Sierra for a walk! Life doesn't stop because it's cold. Enjoy every day! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/15/2014 6:55PM

    Hmm, I would LOVE it if it were 25. We have had subzero temps 6 days in a row now. Bundle up! Go to the acreage! Take Sierra for a walk! Life doesn't stop because it's cold. Enjoy every day! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/15/2014 6:55PM

    Hmm, I would LOVE it if it were 25. We have had subzero temps 6 days in a row now. Bundle up! Go to the acreage! Take Sierra for a walk! Life doesn't stop because it's cold. Enjoy every day! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 11/15/2014 11:49AM

    I am sorry you are still waiting for a new furbaby.The right one is out there for you,

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LOPEYP 11/15/2014 8:23AM

    It sounds like you are moving forward and not getting caught in the funk. That is great!
I think that all things will work out for you including the pup and your weight. Maybe this week make a small goal to track your food. I use myfitnesspal and love the message you get when you close out your entry for the day. It tell you what you would weight if you ate this way for 5 weeks. so motivating!

Stay warm, my friend. Have a great weekend! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Wow, me again

Friday, November 07, 2014

I finally did good today. My weight has been bothering me so much I did not even get on the scale the last 3 days. I weigh myself each morning.

Anyway, I drank much more emoticon water today. I have not been drinking much for quite some time now. I did not munch or at least when I did I chose fruit and nuts and not too much. Now I just have to make it through dinner. A salad is what I plan to have. NO chocolate today either and no grabbing a pringle here or there.

YEAH me! emoticon emoticon Well at least for a half a day emoticon

It just kills me that I have been like a totally different person. I typically am so much better. Enough of that. I figured out this morning that I really NEED a KICK in the pants.

emoticon I got in 3.5 treadmill walking miles at a little more of an include and a little faster pace.

emoticon Two walks with Sierra.

emoticon I have really missed my coffee. I only had 1 cup today. I told myself today I would focus on hydration.

I also reached out to a Rescue place to check into...

I had the picture up on my computer this morning and he thought it was an old picture of Aspen. Crazy huh? He suggested I reach out. I e-mailed but then realized this afternoon that I need to print out paperwork and snail mail it in.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Fingers crossed. I need to make time to print and mail this weekend. Her name is Chloe Mae and she is 2 and a half.

Well, that's it for now.


Oh and still very behind on blogs. I am trying not to stress about it. I hope to make time this weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIRIDDELL 11/14/2014 4:28PM

    What a beauty! I think you are doing well never stress about blogs .We all understand life gets busy.Everyone will be here when you get time. hugs my friend !

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BLESSED2BEME 11/10/2014 11:22AM

    I'm super far behind on blogs and my friend feed. Good to hear from you. Praying for the right process in adopting another family member!

Good for you for kicking it back in the pants!

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/8/2014 8:32PM

    X:)X fingers crossed that you get the RIGHT dog for you! Sound positive, hope things go well! And the blogs? I can't remember the last time I blogged! Just don't have anything to say I guess! Ok, I will try to blog tomorrow!

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HICKOK-HALEY 11/8/2014 4:47PM

    Is that Chole Mae in the pic? Beautiful dog. I am just getting caught up with my blogs as well. I am behind with my spark friends too, but I will get there. Have a good week-end!

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LOPEYP 11/8/2014 7:49AM

    Cute doggie!

I think half the battle is identifying the problem. You have done that with the water and cutting down on coffee. Now you are putting the plan in action.

Stay focused and keep moving forward!

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WINE4GIRL 11/7/2014 5:38PM

    Beautiful pup! You can do it... Just stay focused!

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KEKEIKO 11/7/2014 4:58PM

    Chloe Mae is a beauty! I hope you will be able to share your home and she is a good fit.

No worries about the blogs. Take care of you first.

I've been slacking on the water intake as well. Something I need to work on when I get back home.

Take care & gentle hugs m'dear friend.

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Hello again

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Hello. I think of you all often and it helps me. I have been a bit moody lately and not getting enough exercise or eating my best. It is not like me.

Yesterday and today were goof though, for the most part.

Things did not go exactly as I wanted yesterday, the timing of things but it ended out working out for the best. It reminded me that I really do in fact need to ...

Today I was able to work from home and that helped a lot. I am still not able to get all I want done but it is what it is.

emoticon I got up early, no excuse not to with the time change.
emoticon Paid bills
emoticon I walked Sierra. i haven't even been doing that. It is real bad. I have been coming up with excuses. It is so not like me & is very irritating.
emoticon got in 2.5 walking miles.
emoticon worked for a few hours
emoticon 2 loads of laundry that I finally made the time to do.
emoticon Hit wal-mart at lunch. And got gas in the car.
emoticon came home and worked a while longer preparing for a meeting tomorrow.
emoticon took Sierra for another walk
emoticon changed sheets
emoticon Fed DH and I. I had made crock pot chicken and garlic pineapple thingy. It was pretty good :)
emoticon worked some more and will try to relax soon.
emoticon DH is not feeling great so he is trying to go to sleep early so I ma trying to be very quiet.

I will leave you with some pictures.

This an area we worked on the other weekend. This is what I mean by my DH wanting it to look like a park I think. All mowed and perfect.

Got two pieces cut and up.

This is the building we started forever ago it seems. I am so glad we stopped and started the shed. It is a much better place/size to learn with.

HUGS to you my good friends.

I really need to remember this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBBYFROMMT 11/7/2014 9:21AM

    Sorry I'm a couple days late responding! Sounds like you had quite a productive day! I love those days, unfortunately not every day is like that. The shed looks like it's coming along, although to you maybe not, but as we only see the pictures and not all the work you do, it seems like it's going well to us! Have a great day and a wonderful weekend! Hope your DH is feeling better soon!

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CHERIRIDDELL 11/7/2014 12:01AM

    Thanks for the update loved the patience quote and pictures of the lovely Sierra are always welcome.

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BLESSED2BEME 11/6/2014 11:16AM

    Hope you fall back into a good place very soon. Love the photo of Sierra the best of course. I'm sure you and she will be back to your regular walks soon. Its important for both of you.

The acreage is looking great!

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LOPEYP 11/5/2014 7:33PM

    Thanks for the update. It is nice to hear how you are doing. Sounds like you are still in a transition but improving.
Wow you guys are doing some serious work at the acreage. What is the goal? Is it a vacation area?

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Finally blogging

Thursday, October 30, 2014

I figure if KEKEIKO can take the time to check on me and BLESSED2BEME can type two days in a row (great blogs btw). Then I can get off my lazy rear and type.

I think of you all, all the time. I am just on the computer all day long and don't feel like blogging at night. I am a bit too rushed maybe in the morning. EXCUSES, EXCUSES. I really should blog it helps.

OK the most important thing... NO pup. It ended up being a weird and stressful situation. I think BLESSED2BEME can understand. I got close to when we need to make a decision and I got physically sick. It was like the flu came back on Sunday. I slept and my DH went to the acreage with Sierra. It was so odd. I did not realize until days later that I think it was stress. It just didn't feel right and things got quirky.

I just wanted it to work so badly. I wanted it to be the right fit but wanted to be sure it was the right fit, sure that I wasn't forcing anything. Utah was a perfect fit and I knew it immediately. Never a doubt in my mind. It was seriously the same with my DH. I knew he it the man for me, never a question. Crazy feeling both times. I want that again.

It is hard for me to even look. It stresses me out completely. It is crazy. I suppose I need to listen to my own words and TRUST THE PROCESS.

A bit more stress when I looked at Sierra's docs and realize that she will be 10, YES TEN, next month... my baby girl. It scares me. I don't let myself think about it. Crazy.

emoticon Work is still real good. It is week 5 already. It is starting to get a lot busier. I see gobbs and gobbs of work I could and should be doing. I get to meet my "boss" in person next week. She is in town from NY. That should be very nice. On the down side I will have to be in the office all week or should at least.

I have been spoiled rotten working from home. I honestly feel like I really seriously need it. I am not sure how I would get anything done around here otherwise. I am having a bit of a challenging time fitting everything in.

DH and I were awful sick Saturday and Sunday (18th and 19th). Last week I was real down on exercise & steps in general. My weight is up again. I am trying not to stress about it. I know the stress just makes it worse. This week I am doing better.

Sierra has been a bit quirky too. She seems to get a bit of separation anxiety now. Part of it may be my imagination but part is definitely NOT. She ate the cover of DH's book. She NEVER does anything like that. And then Saturday before going to the acreage, we went to Home depot and she did not understand and she got into a plant.

It is crazy but true that if I explain to her the situation she is ok but if she does not understand she gets upset. I can tell if she understand because she will be accepting and just go lay down. I could go on and on.

Let's see, what else? Not much.

Oh the acreage. We are working like snails. Last Saturday we got 1, yes, just ONE piece of plywood/OSB on the roof. I have pictures I should post. DH wasn't feeling great so we stopped early. I could have gone on for hours more. Then Sunday it was me that was feeling bad. Crazy.

Well, I'll try to get some pictures posted. Thinking of you. HUGS!

A friend posted this the other day. I am a blessed person.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIRIDDELL 11/4/2014 5:29AM

    Take some time to take care of yourself !Hugs Cheri

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BLESSED2BEME 10/31/2014 10:49AM

    So glad you took a minute to catch us up. I think about you every day and pray that your busy schedule doesn't overwhelm you.

Yes, I totally understand about the pup and your decision. I've had such stressful feelings all this week as I dealt with making a decision about Pinon. I will be blogging about that later today. I made my decision late last night and I am finally at peace with it. So huge! Non-pet people just don't get that it is a MAJOR part of your family & life and can't be done lightly. You'll know when the right fit comes along and at the right time too.

Praying you are getting the rest and downtime you need. Don't worry about not blogging all the time although I also completely agree that it helps. I do so much better when I blog on a regular basis.

Oh my gosh - your poster - perfect! Made me cry. So true.

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LOPEYP 10/31/2014 6:04AM

    Deep breaths!!

Firstly, when you don't feel well it makes everything ten times worse. Concentrate on getting better first. Secondly, don't get too ahead of yourself. I think we, as women, tend to try to plan the next 20 years. LOL! I do it all the time. Live in the moment and enjoy. I hope that you have a great weekend! emoticon emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 10/30/2014 8:55PM

    Wow, sounds like you need to spend some time just for you! Even if it's down time. If you don't feel well, sometimes exercise is not the thing, rather take time for you. TCO R (sorry don't know your first name!) Take Care Of Remember2beme!

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Trying for a super quick blog update

Thursday, October 09, 2014

I want to blog but also want to walk Sierra, have time for the treadmill and get to work early today. Anyway... It hit me yesterday that I was feeling really happy. I was feeling fulfilled in what I was doing for work.

emoticon This scared me. Does this mean a shoe is going to drop.

Then this morning I thought maybe not necessarily. The last time I felt this fulfilled and useful in my work was with my Project Manager position at EnPro. I of course got my EnPro job immediately after I lost Aspen. Interesting. Now this one after Utah.

I had a chat with my big boss yesterday and she confirmed that it is completely fine for meto work from home. Just be in the office if there are meeting where I am actually meeting with someone. This is great because the one thing missing with this job is friends. It of course is only week 2 but I don't really have any friends. This is fine of course, but different. I am used to having someone to chat with or walk with or eat with.

emoticon This is great. emoticon

emoticon Yesterday I of course walked Sierra.
emoticon Got in 3 miles on the treadmill. I was proud that I did not do more. I wanted to still start work around 8:00. Days not at home I can't seem to fit in more than 1 treadmill mile.
emoticon I took an hour lunch break and made the carrot muffins/cup cakes and also a small batch of banana. I used wheat flour, egg whites, protein powder, apple sauce and spices. It is great. I seems to work real well for me in that it satisfies my craving for a bit of carbs and at the same time is super filling. YIPPEE.
emoticon I got a good amount of work done.
emoticon Got a load of laundry done.
emoticon Walked Sierra again around 6.

It was a good day. This could work. Interesting.

I am of course missing my boy. It is odd being home working and not having him here. Also, Sierra is doing things that remind me of him. She also did an "Aspen move" the other day. It was wild! When I am busy, straightening my hair for example, Aspen you to lay there looking at me then she would hit the ball with her nose and roll it to me. I would then grab it and throw it for her. Yes, I am thinking a lot about getting another pup, can't wait.

Friday I am supposed to pick up the roofing for the shed. I am starting to get nervous. We are planning to work on it this weekend. Ug, now weather is changing again. Who knows.

Better get going.

for being there and listening!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIRIDDELL 10/10/2014 10:20AM

    That is wonderful that everything is going so well keep us posted if you decide to get another dog !

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HICKOK-HALEY 10/10/2014 5:32AM

    That's great working from home. When I am home alone, I talk to the dogs. Actually I talk to the dogs all of the time. They are great listeners lol...Sierra should get an ear full about your job etc. emoticon

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WINE4GIRL 10/9/2014 8:13PM

    Such great things happening around you! How cool to be able to work from home. I do (sorta, kinda) and a friend that just started confided she is nervous working from home. Just like weight loss and exercise, plan for it and you have a better chance of success!
Enjoy Saturday and hope for Sunday.

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BLESSED2BEME 10/9/2014 7:14PM

    So good to hear the happiness in your voice. You deserve to be in this place. Do not look for a shoe to drop! Enjoy where you are.

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KEKEIKO 10/9/2014 10:36AM

    Life is good!
You're sticking to a routine which is excellent! emoticon
Muffins sound delish! emoticon
The weather forecast is messing up my weekend plans as well. UGH! emoticon
The thought of a new pup is exciting! emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 10/9/2014 9:37AM

    You SHOULD feel happy and fulfilled at work! A happy person can do anything! Sounds like the rest of your life is as productive! Can't wait to see more pictures of your shed!

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PUPPYWHISPERS 10/9/2014 9:02AM

    Sounds like everything is going well for you--I'm so happy for that!

I'm thinking about you a lot, and I'm excited to see more pics of the shed work you get done. I'm racing (well, I use that term very loosely) Saturday morning, and it's supposed to be nice, but cool, here. I will send happy, sunny vibes that you're weekend weather is perfect.

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TWEETYKC00 10/9/2014 6:07AM

    Glad things are going so well for you. I hope it all keeps up. Hugs.

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LOPEYP 10/9/2014 5:30AM

    I am glad that the new job is working out and you have the option to work from home. Good luck with the roof!

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