Monday, January 03, 2011
I've blogged about the fact that I was having difficulty finding a dress for my son's wedding, which will take place in the Caribbeans less than two weeks from now. I did find a dress, but it wasn't the right size. When I took it to the seamstress to have it adjusted today, she told me that the top would have to be completely redone, and that the style was not flattering. She recommended I find something else.
I was grateful for her honest feedback, but to say that I was discouraged would be an understatement! Not only because of the cost, but also because of the short lapse of time left to find another one. Then I remembered that my sister had told me that I was welcome to the dress that she wore at her daughter's wedding, and hadn't worn since. I wasn't sure I'd like it, and I was even less sure I'd fit into it! In my desperation, this afternoon, I went to try the dress on. It was *the* dress I'd been looking for and could not find.
My niece was there, and she called her cousin (who works for a fashion manufacturer) to come over and give her recommendations. Not only did she give advice, she loaned me a silver purse and the accessories to go with the dress! All I have left to buy are the silver sandals. I'm so grateful for the Lord's provision!
Since my heart attack, last January, I've only been able to work at my secretarial job between 20 and 28 hrs per week. I get by very well when it comes to ordinary day-to-day expenses, but financing this kind of trip is something else altogether!
Monday, December 27, 2010
I've reached the place where I've always given up before. The weight just isn't coming off any more, in fact I'm gaining a little. I've always found Winter to be the hardest as far as physical activity is concerned. I'm not getting my 10,000 steps in, often not even 5,000. My focus and motivation are down.
I'm going to take advantage of this week before the new year to work on new goals and refocus. The pounds come off fairly easily when going from morbidly obese to overweight, but getting from overweight to normal weight is a lot harder. Losing more weight and maintenance are both acceptable options, but regaining the lost weight is not. I need to reflect on what I really want and what I'm willing to do to get it.
My weight chart from March 3rd to December 27th 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I was sad to read about Mark Madoff’s suicide. It made me think about his father, Bernie Madoff, an old man in his 70’s, sitting in a prison cell (where he belongs!) deprived of all financial or relational wealth, his family the object of shame, hate and ridicule. What a pitiful man! And he could have ended his life in luxury, loved and honored by family and friends. I read that he was a millionaire several times over even before starting his ponzi scheme. Then he let greed take hold of him and through fraud, he became a billionaire.
What Bernie Madoff and I have in common is denial. Thinking that we won’t reap the consequences of our choices. He’s in prison, and I had a heart attack.
Maybe in the beginning, Madoff intended to “pay back” the money he stole, but in time theft became a lifestyle. How many times did I eat unhealthy fast foods, kidding myself into thinking it wouldn’t affect my health, until unhealthy eating became a lifestyle. How many times did I sit on my butt, thinking I’ll be more active… tomorrow.
Maybe Madoff thinks he got caught because of the financial downturn, rather than admitting his imprisonment is the result of his own greedy choices. How often did I blame my unhealthy lifestyle on circumstances. Too busy. Too tired. Too whatever.
Did Madoff’s conscience bother him during all those years he was lying to his friends and stealing from them? When we crush that inner voice often enough, it gets so we can’t hear it anymore. I knew that I was morbidly obese. I knew that I had diabetes, high blood pressure and a high-stress job. I knew that I had a genetic predisposition to cardio-vascular disease. Sometimes that inner voice would warn me that I needed to do something about my weight. But I was also in denial.
I thought that I could fix the problem “later”. I was in denial about the fact that we don’t control “when” we reap the consequences of our choices. When my body said “enough”, and I had a heart attack, that was it!
Denial is thinking that we can continue to do what we’re doing without reaping the consequences of our actions. Sometimes the consequences are a lot worse (or better) than we ever dreamed they could be!
Not only is Bernie Madoff sitting in jail, but his son has committed suicide. His grandson will grow up without a dad. Bernie Madoff could not have foreseen the horror of the consequences of his decisions upon his own life and upon the lives of his family for at least 3 generations.
I’ve been given a second chance, and I intend to make the most of it!
Thursday, December 02, 2010
I haven't worn a bathing suit in probably over 20 years, but with my son's up-coming wedding in the Caribbeans, I figured I'd better get one. Today, I finally worked up the courage to get professionally fitted for some undergarments. I've lost so much weight, that I no longer knew what size I was. While at the boutique, I noticed that they had bathing suits - in December! The saleslady brought me one that I liked, but said that they'd just sold the last size 18. All she had was a size 16. I never thought that I could fit into it, because I've been shopping in plus-size boutiques for years. I wore a size 24. But, it fit perfectly! Tears welled up in my eyes! Was that actually ME wearing a size-16 bathing suit? And I looked pretty good too! Can't say I'm thrilled with my 60-year-old legs, but if I want to look like Caz, I'll have to strength-train like Caz!
I'm still not sure what dress to wear as the groom's mom. I've been getting mixed messages from the bride and groom. My son is kinda laid back and says, "Just a casual beach wedding. Very casual. Not to worry. He's not wearing a tux, but rather a silk shirt and kaki-coloured pants. But, the bride will be wearing a full-length gown, and the bride's mother too. So the message I get is casual & formal too.
Think I can just wear my new bathing suit?
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