Saturday, June 06, 2009
It's hard to start over again.
Starting over always seems to imply that there was faliure beforehand.
It's hard not to be hard on myself now.
But, I realize now that being so critical is the what keeps me in this cycle of unhappiness to begin with.
How can anyone thrive in the face of such ongoing negitive messages?
When someone is constantly under attack on an emotional level, being abused with viscious attacks, then every moment becomes a struggle to survive. The future is a bleak place and the present becomes intolerable.
When this abuse comes from some internalized self-hatred...
well, then you have a real problem on your hands.
My greatest struggle is not with my weight. It is true, I am overweight and most of that is due to unhappiness, but my unhappiness started long ago, before I gained the weight.
Overeating is not the issue. The real issue is why I over eat to begin with.
Eating too much is not a comfort, it is a symptom of a greater illness.
I think I am ugly. This is a delusion. I think I am worthless. This too is a delusion.
Along with cutting back on calories and excersizing more, I will strive to banish negative self-talk and focus on the good things.
Changing my focus on what is good, on the things that make me happy I think is the only way to suceed now.