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ARE YOU A VICTIM?

Saturday, November 16, 2013

I am an observer of people and see so many making themselves a victim. I read once that at some point in our lives each one of us decide whether we are going to be a victim or not.

I finally read something that explained it to me.

"The trick to growing through adversity is not "becoming a victim" by looking for reasons "why", but by looking for the benefits in the situation." David Boufford

I think the next time I realize I am with someone being a victim I will ask them what the benefits might be in their situation.

I wish everyone a victimless day today!

emoticon

Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GENRE009 7/6/2014 5:12PM

    I don't think being a victim is that easy. people aren't aware of the manipulations! eva

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4EVERNESS 6/23/2014 2:41AM

    Instead of the benefits of being a victim...reminds me of tales of 'heroics' (excuses to gripe and market selves) in many break rooms....

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ELIZACG9 6/20/2014 9:10AM

    A victim can happen once in your life but, it should not be an excuse to feel defeated forever......get over it.

Be a survivor.. emoticon emoticon

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JUDITH316 6/16/2014 11:44PM

    emoticon for sharing a emoticon Blog, well thought and put together..

Sadly I have witnessed this "Victim" behavior more often than I care to number during the many years I worked actively in Nursing and as a Christian Counselor in a Transition Home for Battered Women and their Children...

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WEARINGTHIN 5/3/2014 1:35AM

    Interesting blog that generated a lot of heartfelt discussion. Glenn

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MORTICIAADDAMS 4/1/2014 1:46PM

    I loved this statement. It's so true. Most of us want to be survivors when the difficult times come and we work toward that goal. Victims choose to suffer and never move beyond. There has to be a reason for that. I prefer attention for doing good deeds, not suffereing.

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GENRE009 3/29/2014 1:22PM

    If only life was that easy, that people understood their own behavior. I think that people that are victims have learned to have poor self esteem. Mostly this is from those dysfunctional parents that raised some of us. I think instead of asking people why, ask them if they would like to enjoy something. I think questioning victims intiminates them, and makes them withdraw, some times even attack you. cause that's all they know. They don't feel good about themselves, now think you see that they aren't worthy, see you also as their abuser, so attack back. Instead say," hey I think it would be nicer if wwe did this, or do some role reversal, and have them in the better position. It's always easier to catch a bear with honey, than with bee stings!" Some realities hurt, and many people just don't deal, or sweep it under the rug. eva emoticon

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GABY1948 3/9/2014 7:52AM

    What a emoticon blog this was! And SO needed! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 1/18/2014 4:50PM

    I look on it also in this way. IF we continue to be the victim we are giving the abuser our power. That never ends well! I don't share my personal power well at all! It is beyond difficult in many circumstances to chose to be a survivor, but it certainly makes life better.

HUGS and a fabulous blog.

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JUDYAMK 12/2/2013 11:08AM

    I was from a home of abuse not from my Mother but my Dad. A long story but all is forgiven by me. If I did not forgive I would still be a victim 62 years later . I have 5 brothers they are still victims. I choose to get help when I was 14 years old. I remember one time my Mom sat me down at the age of 5 on the house stoop and told me this is not how a family was to be that fathers are not do be like this and treat Mommies bad and their children I never forgot that. Before I met my husband I was in a few relationships that I knew was not gong to be a lasting one, I got out of them they would have tried to make me their victim. My Mom escaped with 6 kids. Years later when I married our father was sorry for every thing he did too all of us.
When I hear or see the word victim every time, I picture a big poisonous spider trying to lore a person into their beautifully spun web. Once you are in that web it is not inviting any more because you no longer have your freedom. People need to be real strong to break from the web to lead a healthy life not one of entrapment . Freedom is so precious. I know the feeling of freedom and what it can bring a person that has been trapped once free can soar and flit about as free as a butterfly. When a person is finally free you can actually smell freedom!!
Judy

Comment edited on: 12/2/2013 11:09:01 AM

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FLORIDASUN 11/21/2013 5:10PM

    This is such a GREAT blog...gosh...I'm so happy I read it. it will be great conversation fodder for our Saturday night dine in group. Especially one lady in PARTICULAR...you read my blog...she is GREAT about playing the victim. But I have a completely different take on her...I see her actually for WHO I believe she is and that is a MASTER manipulator.

What BETTER way to manipulate people than pulling on their 'guilt' strings. I know the victim role so very well having a mother-in-law who is a MASTER at it and watching her in action for some 39 years.

Geeze...victims actually annoy me..especially the ones that won't do a DARN thing to help themselves but instead expect everyone else to take care of them.

Yes...this will be an EXCELLENT topic of discussion at our Saturday night group..they can't throw me out...since the dinner will be in our own house..but we'll see how many leave early! emoticon

I just MUCH prefer people who are true to their own self and if it's a spade...dag nab it...CALL it a spade!! emoticon emoticon

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TREV1964 11/20/2013 3:50PM

    The best way of getting out of being a victim is to decide that you are not going to be one any more. Once you decide this for yourself you develop a sense of determination and from that date onwards you cease to be one.

Cheers

Trev

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BAMAJAM 11/20/2013 12:47PM

  I too feel so sorry for those who are stuck in the victim role and don't know how to get out of it. Often times these people are so "damaged" by the pain inflicted upon them, that they are powerless to overcome it---without professional intervention. The environment of an abusive childhood can harm individuals for a lifetime.
CATINCJ found her voice and now thrives--- Congratulations on empowerment!
Breaking free from the "victim restraints" is exhilarating and worth the effort. . .

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PMRUNNER 11/18/2013 1:02PM

    Thought provoking blog and some great responses to it.

Thanks for sharing!

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RAINEMARIE214 11/18/2013 12:31PM

    I represent victims of sexual assault, and this was actually a conversation I had with my therapist today! I think even when someone is a victim of a crime, they have to at some point make a choice: continue to define themselves as a victim (and almost certainly never grow), or redefine themselves, find a positive from their situation and move forward.

I was the victim of stalking when I was a teenager, and I was in an emotional abusive relationship when I was in college. Though I can see looking back I was a victim of what happened to me - I never defined myself as a victim. Those experiences are just things that happened to me that helped me define and reshape who I am.

If you cant tell, I get extremely frustrated when people refuse to see themselves as anything but a victim. It's almost like they refuse to take positive control of their own lives!

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BRADMILL2922 11/18/2013 4:41AM

    Definitely no victim here! Very interesting and thought provoking blog!

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SAL1512 11/17/2013 7:43PM

    Yes, I agree that there are personalities that make life "work" for them by being victims. What a sad way to live . . . I like CATINCJ's comment above choosing to THRIVE. Victims choose not to thrive because they have not discovered their voice; their role in life. Life becomes very different when a person decides to take on the responsibility of standing up for themselves. The world loses a lot when they do not.
emoticon

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MOTLEM 11/17/2013 5:29PM

    A victim - one who suffers from some adverse circumstance. Hhmm, well Anne, I guess we are all victims at some stage or other throughout our lives. The thing is to learn from the situation, turn it around (if possible), and make it a positive for you.

People who suffer and/or people who are battlers in life develop a stronger character than those of the 'flitter-bys' and/or the 'silver-spooners'.

emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 11/17/2013 2:28PM

    some people "LIKE" being victims..... that way they never have to be responsible for the choices they make it is "never" their fault..... I own what I do or not do ......

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KALISWALKER 11/17/2013 11:13AM

    Anne that is a great message!

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ADARKARA 11/17/2013 8:16AM

    Victim mentality drives me crazy! Stuff happens, and it's how you move ON that's important. Grow from your past, don't keep hawking on it. emoticon

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DJ4HEALTH 11/17/2013 12:32AM

    I see it all the time., People I guess want to be a victim just to get something. I am a thriver and not a victim.

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LPRUNWALK 11/16/2013 11:33PM

    A profound insight. You might get some funny looks when you ask this question, but it could also be a turning point for someone to help them see that they are in charge of their own happiness. Well said!

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COCK-ROBIN 11/16/2013 10:15PM

    That is such a great blog!

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ALIHIKES 11/16/2013 8:12PM

    Very well said! I see too many people trapped by feeling they are victims

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CAT-IN-CJ 11/16/2013 4:46PM

    I was 28 before I discovered that I had a voice and a choice.
Now I chose to THRIVE!

My heart really goes out to those who are stuck in the victim role and don't know how to get out of it.



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FIFIFRIZZLE 11/16/2013 3:29PM

    emoticon
This is such an important distinction, the victim mentality is so crippling.
I have had a few very bad things happen to me, and for me the key point in moving on is to decide not to be a victim but a survivor. That is the moment at which I began putting the bad stuff behind me.
BTW good luck with your questioning of others, my experience is that people will fight with everything in their arsenal to hold on to the victim position because it justifies a whole lot of behaviors.
But essentially, my view is, the bad thing happens once, someone else did it, the vicitmisation and revictimisation happens again and again and it is you that is doing it to yourself!



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ALEXSGIRL1 11/16/2013 2:21PM

    yes it is all about how you look at things and the ability to change your life around for the better

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JAXMOMMY 11/16/2013 2:03PM

    I have to admit that there are certain things that don't seem to carry any benefits. But, I always try to learn and find something good. Sometimes the benefits aren't mine. But, unless he means that you benefit from being a victim and I think some people do.... The attention, the sympathy, whatever.... Good point. Thanks!

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 11/16/2013 1:34PM

    You make a good point!

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DALID414 11/16/2013 1:24PM

    emoticon

I like watching the ID Channel, crime shows. The boyfriend hates them. I don't remember what the episode was about, but I said one day: if I end up dead, know that I put up a fight 'til the end cuz I refuse to be anyones' victim!

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BECKYSFRIEND 11/16/2013 10:47AM

    emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 11/16/2013 9:03AM

    Important blog: because when we see ourselves as victims, among other things we are "entitled" to excess comfort food.

Each of us may experience being a target of abusive behaviour from time to time-- but we can still refuse to be victims. Resilience!!

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KANOE10 11/16/2013 8:59AM

    emoticon People need to figure out how to stop being a victim and to take charge of their lives.

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CHALLENGER15 11/16/2013 8:06AM

    emoticon

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NELLJONES 11/16/2013 8:00AM

    People like to see themselves as victims because it excuses them from the responsibility to have to change. It easy to think that everyone and every situation around you has to change in order for you to change.

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KAYYVAUGHN 11/16/2013 7:50AM

    Thanks for the advice.
It's good to hear from you!
emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/16/2013 7:40AM

    Get through the adversity and see what a difference it makes in your life-a very positive attitude.

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 11/16/2013 7:31AM

    It truly is all about how you look at every challenge. I choose to be a survivor! emoticon

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10 WORDS TO REMEMBER

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Most selfish 1 letter word......I.........AVOID it.

Most satisfying 2 letter word.....WE.......USE it.

Most poisonous 3 letter word.....EGO.....OVERCOME it.

Most used 4 letter word.....LOVE.....VALUE it.

Most pleasing 5 letter word.....SMILE.....KEEP it.

Fastest spreading 6 letter word.....RUMOR.....IGNORE it.

Hardest working 7 letter word......SUCCESS........ACHIEVE it.

Most enviable 8 letter word..........JEALOUSY.........DISTANCE yourself from it.

Most powerful 9 letter word......KNOWLEDGE ........ACQUIRE it.

Most valued 10 letter word......FRIENDSHIP......MAINTAIN it.


REMEMBER THESE TEN WORDS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Anonymous-

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANAWESOMELIFE 7/27/2014 9:32AM

    Thank you for sharing this.

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NOCALORIES 6/20/2014 12:04AM

    You are a generous lady to share this blog. THANK YOU!

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MSLZZY 11/16/2013 8:30AM

    emoticon

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BRADMILL2922 11/15/2013 1:05AM

    This is great! Thank you for sharing it!

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CLAIREINPARIS 11/12/2013 11:25AM

    Very wise, thank you!

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ELIZACG9 10/1/2013 10:29AM

    Love........nice blog!! emoticon

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GINABUG 12/30/2012 2:23PM

    Thanks for a very thought-provoking post! Now, I must go contemplate these words...

emoticon emoticon


GinaBug emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/30/2012 2:24:13 PM

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WILSON1926 11/18/2012 8:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BARCLE 11/16/2012 2:39AM

    emoticon

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2HAMSDIET 11/14/2012 10:26PM

    emoticon

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SHAREBEAR1963 11/14/2012 3:00PM

    very nice!

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DEBPRE16 11/14/2012 1:37PM

    Thanks for sharing this - I enjoy it.

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RONALANA 11/14/2012 10:53AM

    emoticon

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DOOBIE893 11/14/2012 9:59AM

    emoticon

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RSSSLHB 11/14/2012 9:50AM

    emoticonblog emoticon

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NUTRON3 11/14/2012 8:42AM

    Wow, love it!

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TIPPY211 11/14/2012 7:46AM

    emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 11/14/2012 7:01AM

    Great blog, thanks!

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CHALLENGER15 11/14/2012 6:54AM

    Thank you!

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KAYYVAUGHN 11/14/2012 4:47AM

    That list needs to be on my refrigerator. The word I begins most of my sentences.
Thanks

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WENDYJM4 11/14/2012 4:37AM

    great

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IMREITE 11/14/2012 12:21AM

    I like it

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BROWNCOFIDDLER 11/13/2012 9:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOSPELCLOWN 11/13/2012 8:15PM

    Great list!

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SAMI199 11/13/2012 7:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NANNABLACK 11/13/2012 7:22PM

    So true. Thanks.


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MY1FAN 11/13/2012 6:27PM

    Thanks for sharing.

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PEGGYO 11/13/2012 6:24PM

    emoticon

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SH9719 11/13/2012 5:57PM

    Good thoughts

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JEWELMOTI 11/13/2012 5:38PM

    What a Great Blog! Thanks for sharing!~

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT. #8

Sunday, November 11, 2012

What is the difference between a goal and a purpose? A goal is something you accomplish. It has a beginning and an end - while a purpose is ongoing and gives meaning to our lives.

People go on chasing goals to prove something that doesn't have to be proved: that they're already worthwhile. Goals are very important in helping us get what we want. But, too often we run around using them to get what we already have - our worth.

Worrisome images we create and play in our minds are just as powerful as positive ones. The exciting reality is we can create and play the mental movies of OUR CHOICE. That's power!

We become what we think about.

Enthusiasm, perseverance, determination, etc. Where do those things come from? Inside you - that's the reason for self management. It's not just to help you use your time well - its to bring out the best in yourself!

The self management system is based on this: Goals begin behaviors. Consequences maintain behaviors.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELIZACG9 10/20/2013 11:59AM

    interesting topic to chat about with people

goal and progress.....thanks.. emoticon

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WILSON1926 11/18/2012 8:36AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BARCLE 11/14/2012 12:08AM

    Wise words emoticon

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JOYFULSONG45 11/13/2012 5:38PM

    Very good words. Thanks.

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LOLAINSC 11/13/2012 11:50AM

    I can remember one of my psych professors saying that the secret of a self-actualized life is keeping all our efforts, and goals consistent with our purpose. Indeed great food for thought. chomp. chomp.

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RONALANA 11/12/2012 9:07AM

    Once again, very good blog! A lot of wisdom in few words! emoticon

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RSSSLHB 11/12/2012 9:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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2HAMSDIET 11/12/2012 8:59AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NUTRON3 11/12/2012 8:12AM

    Something to think about

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GAYLLYNNE 11/12/2012 6:35AM

    Very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing.

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 11/12/2012 12:56AM

    Great little blog. Thanks :)

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L*I*T*A* 11/11/2012 9:54PM

    great words of wisdom!!!
thanks for sharing...........
blessings and hugs.........lita

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ENTHUSIASM

Thursday, November 08, 2012


ENTHUSIASM IS THE MAJOR PART OF DOING ANYTHING WELL. SOME PEOPLE ARE GLAD TO BE ALIVE AND OTHERS FEEL THE WHOLE THING IS AN ENDURANCE TEST. ONE PERSON HAS CONFRONTED TROUBLE AND SURVIVED; ANOTHER HAS NEVER REALLY HAD MUCH TROUBLE AND IS BORED WITH HIS OWN BREATH!

DO WE HAVE TO BE THREATENED BEFORE WE CAN APPRECIATE LIFE AND SHOW ENTHUSIASM? OR DO WE JUST NEED TO BE QUICKENED WITHIN OURSELVES TO KNOW GRATITUDE AND THE OPPORTUNITY TO GROW. A SIMPLE CHANGE OF ATTITUDE CAN MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING YOU HAVE ENTHUSIASM BECAUSE YOU ARE AN OPTIMIST.

SOME PEOPLE THINK ENTHUSIASM AND OPTIMISM ARE SYNONYMOUS - BUT OPTIMISM IS THE PHILOSOPHY THAT EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST. ENTHUSIASM IS A COMMITMENT TO MAKING THE BEST OF EVERYTHING.

ENTHUSIASM IS A CHOICE. IT IS THE DETERMINATION TO MAKE THE MOST OF ANY SITUATION OR OPPORTUNITY.

ENTHUSIASM IS NOT BLIND TO PROBLEMS, BUT NEITHER IS IT HINDERED BY THEM.

WHEN YOU COMBINE THE NUMBERS 8 AND 16 YOU CAN HAVE 24 OR 128 - DEPENDING ON WHETHER YOU ADD THEM OR MULTIPLY THEM. ENTHUSIASM IS THE MULTIPLYING FORCE! ENTHUSIASM IS A DYNAMIC THAT DOES FOR THE HEART AND MIND WHAT ADRENALINE DOES FOR THE BODY - GIVING UNUSUAL STRENGTH IN THE FORCE OF SEEMING IMPOSSIBILITY.

ENTHUSIASM IS CAPITALIZING ON THE POTENTIAL OF A SITUATION WITHOUT BECOMING DISCOURAGED BY THE ODDS.

ENTHUSIASM IS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO MAKE IT WORK, RATHER THAN FOCUSING ON REASONS IT MIGHT NOT WORK.

ENTHUSIASM IS DARING THE IMPOSSIBLE, KNOWING YOU CAN'T MAKE IT, BUT TRYING BECAUSE YOU JUST MIGHT.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LPRUNWALK 11/17/2013 10:12PM

    Thanks for this! I am going through a few of your past blogs and finding a lot of helpful insight here. Your first paragraph took my breath away! I will be thinking about this one for a while.
All best,
Lee

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SAL1512 5/13/2013 7:28PM

    Just the blog that I needed to read today!
Sally emoticon

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GINABUG 12/30/2012 2:26PM

    BRILLIANT (she says enthusiastically!). Thanks for sharing!

GinaBug emoticon

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WILSON1926 11/18/2012 8:37AM

    Great Blog
THX
Michael

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HAPPY-DESTINY 11/15/2012 11:35PM

    emoticon

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BECCABOO127 11/12/2012 8:15AM

    emoticon

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SAMI199 11/9/2012 9:15PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WENDYJM4 11/9/2012 6:17PM

    WELL PUT , THANK YOU

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KTISFOCUSED 11/9/2012 6:59AM

    Wow! I've always worked at being positive but you have put a whole new spin on this. I never thought of it in the way you put it. You have really given me some food for thought so thanks for sharing.

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LOSINGLINNDY 11/8/2012 10:01PM

    Beautifully WRITTEN AND INSIGHTFUL.

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2HAMSDIET 11/8/2012 7:33PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CHALLENGER15 11/8/2012 3:36PM

    Wonderful!

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GOSPELCLOWN 11/8/2012 2:24PM

    Let's all try to be more enthusiastic!

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JEANNE229 11/8/2012 2:07PM

    Great wisdom, there.

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CRYSTALJEM 11/8/2012 9:59AM

    Well put. Thanks.

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NUTRON3 11/8/2012 8:49AM

    I agree

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT #7

Monday, November 05, 2012

THE PEOPLE YOU CHOOSE TO BEFRIEND AND THE BEHAVIORS YOU CHOOSE TO TOLERATE ARE A MEASURE AND A REFLECTION OF YOU AND YOUR CHARACTER.

IT TAKES STRENGTH OF CHARACTER TO ACCEPT REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN PERCEPTIONS, ATTITUDES, AND ACTIONS.

VALUES INVOLVE NOT ONLY HOW YOU BEHAVE, BUT THE BEHAVIOR YOU ACCEPT IN OTHERS.

MORALS DON'T INTERFERE WITH LIFE, THEY DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF THAT LIFE.

DON'T LOOK TO
PSYCHOLOGY FOR THE MEANING OF LIFE; LIFE IS MADE MEANINGFUL BY YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO OTHERS AND IDEALS, NOT YOUR FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

A MEANINGFUL LIFE REQUIRES YOU TO RESPOND TO TEMPTATIONS AND CHALLENGES WITH HONOR, DIGNITY, AND COURAGE.

HIDDEN POWER WILL COME IF WE ARE WILLING TO CHANGE. WHEN SELF-PITY AND BITTERNESS ARE ALLOWED TO TAKE OVER WE LOSE GROUND. EVEN A LITTLE ANGER AT OURSELVES CAN BE THE FIRE THAT BURNS OUT EXCUSES AND RESENTMENT.

DECIDE WITHIN YOUR HEART TO LET THE PAST GO. THIS IS A NEW TIME--A TIME TO FORGIVE AND TO GIVE AWAY WHAT WE NO LONGER NEED. EMPTY OUT ALL THE CLOSETS WHERE THINGS AND FEELINGS AND MEMORIES ARE STORED. FEEL YOURSELF ABLE AND ABSOLUTELY UNLIMITED. ANY LEFTOVERS THAT SUPPRESS THESE POSITIVE THINGS MUST GO. IT IS A NEW DAY AND YOU ARE A NEW PERSON.

LIFE IS A BATTLE IN WHICH WE FALL FROM WOUNDS WE RECEIVE IN RUNNING AWAY.

CICERO SAID - ANY MAN MAY MAKE A MISTAKE, BUT NONE BUT A FOOL WILL CONTINUE IN IT. DECIDE THIS IS A NEW DAY AND TIME TO CHANGE INTO A NEW PERSON. WE CAN DECIDE AT ANY TIME TO HAVE FAITH, TO SEE THE GLASS HALF FULL.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEMISLIM 11/7/2012 10:28PM

    Great words. Thanks for sharing!

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MAYBER 11/7/2012 7:52PM

    wonderful blog and so much to think about
one day at a time
emoticon emoticon

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BIGSKYCHERIE 11/7/2012 4:11PM

    So many good thoughts here--any one of them would be enough to chew on for awhile. Thanks for sharing.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JEWELMOTI 11/6/2012 5:39PM

    Loved it!

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STITCH4EVER 11/6/2012 11:57AM

    GREAT INSIGHTS!

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RONALANA 11/6/2012 10:38AM

    This is some serious food for thought! Thanks!

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2HAMSDIET 11/6/2012 8:22AM

    emoticon

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THE_SHAKESHAFT 11/6/2012 1:15AM

    emoticon

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JANEMARIE77 11/5/2012 7:38PM

    emoticon

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BABY_GIRL69 11/5/2012 6:56PM

    WOW!! You gave us all food for thought and I am growing & changing everyday...

God bless & enjoy everyday!

Dee

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WENDYJM4 11/5/2012 6:28PM

    so true, emoticon

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