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The First Wall

Friday, January 18, 2013

I've hit my first motivation wall. It started last night and I haven't quite shaken it yet. I knew this would come, though. My mood fluctuations are almost predictable now, and the HIGH usually lasts anywhere from a day to a month, usually fizzling out after 2-3 weeks max. The problem is that the LOW usually creeps up and can last six months or more (2 months on average)

Why am I posting this? Preventative measure! If I drop off spark I am hoping that someone will call me out on it!

emoticon I'm fairly whiney at this point. Read at your own risk... emoticon

Yesterday was a normal enough. A lot of tiny frustrations/obstacles just kind of added up:

emoticonMy son has gone on chore strike all week. I know it's because of the school change. They used to ride the bus and get home an hour before me, so they had an hour to play. Now they go to an after school program at their new school, so they come home and it's time for chores, homework, dinner, etc...
emoticonMy daughter cut her hair again. Not nearly as bad as she did once before (I need to remember to share THOSE pictures one day!!!) but it's the straw that broke the camels back for her. She wants to grow it out long, but doesn't brush it, fights me when I brush it, pulls out her ponytail holders and headbands once she gets to school. Now with cutting it, she has lost the privilege to wear it how she wants and we will be getting hair cuts tomorrow.
emoticonI was planning to make a clean eating pizza but in a moment of forgetfulness, I didn't prep the dough on my lunch break (it needed to rise for 4 hours) . Trying to stay somewhat on track, I went to buy some dough from the store instead of just ordering pizza. It wasn't as healthy as I would have liked and left me feeling sluggish and kind of gross.
emoticonI used the sluggishness as an excuse to not workout, which just increased the slothful feelings!
emoticonI bought Hershey's dark chocolate squares and ate a full serving (210 calories) now, this isn't huge and it fit in my calorie range, but I did it mindlessly and I don't buy those to eat 6 pieces at a time! I buy them because sometimes I just NEED chocolate. 6 squares are 210 calories, which means just one is a little less than 40. And 40 calories is a small "price" to pay for savoring a bit of dark chocolate. I didn't savor though. I sat at the computer and had eaten 6 before I even realized it!
emoticonI stayed up WAY too late studying ( and mindlessly snacking) which led to me over sleeping this morning and not getting my workout in. Which leads me to know, at work and grumpy because I didn't run when I know I should have.

None of those things are huge insurmountable issues. I know that. But once the down slide starts its hard to pull myself out if it.

(Mindless whining done)

I'm trying to formulate a plan to put an end to this ad quick as possible. After all, one of my goals this year is to be more optimistic!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
(You have to be able to laugh at yourself, right?)

emoticon(1) talking to my psychiatrist to adjust my mood stabilizer (yay for using one of my bosses to manage my meds, makes this super easy to do!)
emoticon(2) working on a schedule for next week so I can sleep better
emoticon(3) sharing my baggage here so that I don't retreat into myself
emoticon(4) pulling out the visual motivators that I made when I started spark people so that I can remember what my goals are!
emoticon(5) drinking my water! Not meeting one goal is no excuse to slack off in all areas!
emoticon(6) meal planning so I don't repeat my dinner fiasco!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BREW99 2/5/2013 4:15PM

    Once and a while we all get this, it depends on how we treat it is the difference between success and failure. You sound like you have things figured out though and are willing to work on it getting better next time. I'm sure you can do it! emoticon

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NYHARDHAT_1 1/20/2013 9:50AM

    Ok, it was a rough week. Whine all you want and get it out of your system. That's what we are here for. Support, encouragement, hand holding, butt kicking.
I know all about retreating into yourself. It's what I do best. Reaching out and asking for help is hard. Staying focused on goals is hard when there is so much going on with life. You my friend have a ton going on. Don't beat yourself up when it doesn't go as planned. Just keep going, one foot in front of the other. My take you longer to cross the finish line but I don't think we have a deadline to do that. I don't. I doubt you do either. It's not a race, it's life.
I am here for any and I stress any help you need to stay motivated and on track. If it's just to vent. Life is tough, we gotta be tougher. You got this. Take your meds, don't spiral down and hang there. Help is only an asking away.

Cindy. emoticon

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POKAFLYZ 1/19/2013 9:08AM

    Getting it out there really does help. I can totally attest to that!
We all have our moments, or days, or weeks… you just have to pull yourself up and try again. I usually aim for Monday as my “restart” day when I mess up. Not that I blow the whole week prior. I try to keep doing what I know I should be. Monday is just my mark to say, “Forget my mess-ups last week. I’m doing this thing now and no one can stop me. Not even me!”
Since I am totally guilty of mindlessly snacking, I will share this: try talking to yourself. I’m sure I look crazy, but if I tell myself, “This is your last handful of chips, and then we are putting the bag away.” I usually do it. And then if I say, “Okay, we are closing the bag and putting it in the cabinet so we won’t be tempted.” Then I follow through! I think hearing it helps me. And it’s worth a shot, right??
You’re doing fine lady. Just keep on keepin’ on!

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DESERTJULZ 1/18/2013 7:23PM

    Get the heck back on track, lady! emoticon

Hey, we all mess up. Admit it. Own it. Let it go.

I have a pizza dough suggestion (smile). I use sprouted whole wheat flour tortillas OR simply whole wheat tortillas. The whole purpose of the dough is just to hold the goodies on top anyhow, so I like to keep it super-thin and spend the calories on the toppings.

Like you, I keep dark choc on hand. Store it in a high cupboard that requires a stool. I am allowed to get the stool, obtain ONE serving, then I must put the stool away. That helps me focus on enjoying the treat and not eating it mindlessly.

Hope that helps.

Remember, we're all here to help each other. Keep in touch!

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SKYMYST78 1/18/2013 2:30PM

  Ok first thing is first. emoticon Relax - we all mess up - been there done that will do it again. emoticon At least I know I will .... emoticon

I say forget it! Do not focus on all that stuff you do not do. Tell yourself you are going to start from this moment (or first thing in the morning) and go from there.

You already have your to-do list set up - so say forget it, yesterday/this morning (what?) we are starting from 5 minutes ago right emoticon

emoticon Do not give up! If I can not quiet neither can you, ok? emoticon

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GYMRAT_AT44 1/18/2013 12:39PM

    Good list of to do's to help. I am struggling too, blogging seems to help.

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WALKINGMAMMA 1/18/2013 12:33PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Week Two in Review

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

emoticon Weigh In:
Today was my official weigh-in day. I'm down 2.6 lbs from last Wednesday (1.4 lbs from the last time I snuck a look at the scale). That's a total of 6.6 lbs in my first 2 weeks on Sparkpeople!!

While I know that the scale is a small measure of health and success, it's still nice to see those numbers getting smaller.

January Goals:

emoticon Drink more water
emoticon Drink less soda

This one is going really well. I'm getting 80oz of water or more each day and I've only had soda once this week (when I went out to dinner Saturday night) I'm going to try and skip soda entirely this weekend and see how that goes.

emoticon Eat more fruits and vegetables
emoticon Eat fewer convenience foods/eat out less

The fruits and veggies are no problem- I'm getting at least 5 servings a day. I've only bought one convenience food this week (an impulse buy when I was stocking up on groceries Sunday). I brought foods with me when we went out of town, so instead of 4 meals out there were only 2 (and I tracked both!)

emoticon Exercise more consistently
emoticon Spend less time watching TV

This is not going as well as the others. I skipped my workout yesterday and I really didn't have a good reason to. But the TV time has definitely decreased!

emoticonI'm still struggling to get up and workout early in the morning. I definitely need to look at my time management and plans
emoticonI've been planning meals and focusing on clean eating again which makes me feel pretty great!
emoticonMy classes resumed Monday, so my sleep habits took a hit. Again, I need to rework my schedule!
emoticonThe kids have changed schools and my anxiety levels are high. Their first day went ok, and my daughters teacher has agreed to to quick conference tomorrow morning so I am cautiously optimistic

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNING-LIFE 1/16/2013 9:37PM

    You are doing great for your second week- keep it up! Looks like you have lots of good goals. Just remember not to beat yourself up too badly if you mess up. this will take time! emoticon emoticon

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SKYMYST78 1/16/2013 3:52PM

  All and all it sounds like you are on the right track! emoticon

Your weight it dropping off much faster than mine is; mine is like a on a slow (very slow) trickle! You are on the right track with food, water and such - you only need to make a few changes (which all seem to be in your schedule) to have a perfect week!

I think you are doing amazing for your second week!!! emoticon


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School Thoughts

Monday, January 14, 2013

This is my daughter. She's seven (eight in April). Gifted, funny, quirky, and stubborn as the day is long. She has a knack for words, a love of dogs, and a fascination with 80's chick rock.

She started second grade in the fall and loved it. She had a teacher who knew how to work with her ADHD and bring out the best in her- while challenging her academically. After two years of struggling every day with school, it was fantastic to see her smiling every single day.

Tomorrow- she is officially leaving that school and entering a new environment mid year. It goes against everything an ADHD child needs, we're disrupting her routine, and pulling her out of a classroom that works. I'm very unsure about this move. But, big picture, it's the best choice.

Because this is what my smiling, sassy daughter looked like on the last day before Christmas break...

Some little seven-year-old punk on the bus grabbed her neck and smashed her face into a wall on the bus. Why?

Because her teacher gave her "special" treatment with advanced work.
Because she doesn't respond to social cues the way people expect her to.

I hate this.

I am extremely anxious about tomorrow. Safety, of course, is the number one priority when it comes to my kids. It just kills me that I have to pull her away from an academic environment where she is finally thriving.

My hope for my daughter is that she will take this new challenge and come out stronger because of it. My wish is that she wouldn't have to.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DESERTJULZ 1/16/2013 8:44AM

    Your daughter is adorable. How awful that she was bullied! That little boy should be removed from her class and not allowed to ride her bus rather than you having to move her to protect her. Terribly sad. I so hate to see children hurt.

Hopefully, she will thrive in her new environment as well.

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DRAGONCHILDE 1/14/2013 10:59PM

    Holy $HIT.

Honey, it is far better to protect your child than any reservations you may have. I seriously burst into tears when I saw her face, because my daughter is the same age, with the same trouble, and it scares the crap out of me that this could happen to her, too. Children can be so cruel. Dear lord. I will be praying for you tonight, because you're doing the right thing for your child. No matter what struggles she may face in the coming months, it won't be worst than this!


Comment edited on: 1/14/2013 11:01:07 PM

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SUNSHINE99999 1/14/2013 10:56PM

  wow, I'm so sorry. She is cute and my daughter's name is April and she was born in December 1986. Blessings to your family.

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Planning Ahead

Sunday, January 13, 2013

This upcoming week promises to be a busy one for us. The kids are returning to school (finally!) and my online classes begin as well. I'm taking a full course load (15 hours), working full time, and continuing to play single mom each week while my husband is away, so it's easy for me to get overwhelmed and throw in the towel.

I'm trying to do a little pre-planning for the week, though. I made out our weekly meal plan and went shopping this afternoon. Right now I am waiting on some of our meals to finish baking so I can store them and go to bed. I baked blueberry muffins for the kids ( emoticon Sparkpeople recipes!) and I am currently baking a Lime cheesecake ( Double emoticon for Clean Eating magazine!!!)

I washed and prepped all the veggies for my green smoothies and my lunch time pita (pita, hummus, spinach, tomato, and cucumber) so I'm feeling on top of things right now!

Hopefully I can keep my optimism high and drag myself out of bed early enough to work out each morning, so I will have evenings free for school work!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKYMYST78 1/14/2013 1:25PM

  I can relate to busy week! My classes have started back up and I too am feeling the pressure of trying to do it all, plus keep my motivate up. So here's to both of us staying on top of it all! I know we can do it! After all we are female right! emoticon

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DRAGONCHILDE 1/13/2013 11:01PM

    I really need to be innovative this week. With my husband magically deciding tonight (independently!) that he wants to lose weight, I would like to help him out by taking the initiative and making some new, healthy treats.

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Actions and Feelings

Friday, January 11, 2013

"You are more likely to act yourself into feelings than feel yourself into action" -Jerome Bruner

As long as I can remember, I have struggled with depression, anxiety, doubt, and a general feeling of disconnect from the world around me. It comes and goes. Sometimes there are prolonged periods of depression and at other times I feel like I can take on the world- making plans with a somewhat manic grandiosity.

One thing, though, is always constant. When I am active, I simply FEEL better. Sometimes a walk will calm my mind long enough for me to push anxious thoughts aside and be able to finally get some sleep. Sometimes a brisk run, or a new workout will improve my mood and make me feel invincible. Whatever form it takes, it always helps.

I've been thinking about that connection this month. I have noticed that I'm much more optimistic on the days that I begin with a workout, and I am much less stressed the days I turn to exercise when my anxiety kicks in. What I need, I suppose- is a flashing neon sign that follows me around and reminds me of this! !

I have to keep the connection between my physical fitness and emotional well being first in my mind, which isn't always easy to do. I am hoping that, when the next downward spiral begins, I will be able to turn to spark people and my treadmill to ward it off!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGSTARDADDY 1/11/2013 6:04PM

    Keep the faith!

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CUPKAKE137 1/11/2013 3:28PM

    I think I may be the same way I felt way better yesterday when I worked out and today I didn't work out and feel a little more down. Keep up the good work.

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MICHIGANLORI 1/11/2013 2:42PM

    I fully understand. I suffer each year with SAD and the key for me is exercise and eating healthy.


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NWLIFESRC 1/11/2013 1:55PM


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