Saturday, February 08, 2014
Every day is a struggle... I'm sure my mood will lift considerably when Spring comes. I always get a *touch* of seasonal depression during this time of year. Illinois is having one of the worst winters on record and it sure ain't helping anything! I also realized yesterday (while I was sobbing in the gym locker room Ugh) that there's a general sadness over my life - obviously - but it's because every passing day is another day FURTHER from the last time I saw my parents. Instead of feeling better (time heals all blah blah blah), I'm feeling worse because I'm feeling further and further away from my parents: our interactions, words exchanged, etc. It feels like being separated from a loved one for vacation, deployment, whatever, and the longer you're apart, the more you miss this. My only problem is there's no "end" to this separation. I have to live the rest of my life without the two people who raised me - whom I turned to for advise and guidance.
I've realized that I probably re-joined the 5% Challenge too soon. I'm not capable of being an effective teammate at this point. I still get on and log my exercise on the few days each week that a manage some, but my LTGL points are non-existent. Plus, I'm up five pounds since starting the challenge! Oiy. Part of that is that my eating is not in check - and part of it, I'm sure, is because my only exercise has been strength training. Well, one thing at a time...
And then I find something like this immediately after finishing this blog and tell myself to keep going...
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Today marks THREE YEARS on SparkPeople and I'm so thankful for it. Unfortunately, I don't feel much like celebrating/blogging etc. You see, today also marks three months of my daddy being gone from this world and three months plus one week for my mom. It's been an emotional week, especially yesterday, of missing them terribly.
I thought I had reached a point where things possibly couldn't get worse and it would be a steady climb up hill. No such luck. My only living grandparents just found out that they both have to undergo treatment for Multiple Myeloma, a type of cancer most often caused by previous cancer treatments, which is their case. I can't even begin to tell you how strong and brave they are being. Me, on the other hand, I'm terrified of losing my last remaining elders.
I don't think I'd even be seeing the inside of a gym these days if it weren't for my husband encouraging me to go with him. This is so different from his usual habits. I used to be the one begging him to go with me and he would say that he preferred to do the gym thing alone. But here we are hitting the weights together twice a week. He's pushing me in the fitness realm and I'm doing pretty well to see to it that we're eating clean.
So three years on Spark...
I'm down 90 pounds, although I'm sitting at about the same place I was this time last year. I've gone from a size 26/28 to a 16/18. My face is unrecognizable from the one that started out three years ago. Wow.
I'm going to carry onward come Hell or high water. This year, hubby and I are getting fit for ....
.... BABY! (We'd like to start trying in October.)
Sunday, December 29, 2013
I'm sticking my head into SparkLand for a moment to see how everyone is doing. This feels good - I'll try not to stay gone so long next time. The new start up page befuddles me every time I log in. It took quite awhile to find out how to get to my SparkPage to post a blog!! How is everyone else liking the new layout?
I continue to have good days and bad days and I'm sure I will for quite some time.The two days leading up to Christmas were incredibly hard - I'd say harder than the week(s) immediately following my parents' deaths in October. However, Christmas Eve turned things around. Spening time with my family was very therapeutic. My husband and I hosted Christmas Day at our house for my mom's family and my in-laws. It was also very very nice.. and happy, which was unexpected. That afternoon, my husband had to go to bed because he works the night shift so I was invited over to my brother's in-law's where we had a nice evening and enjoyed playing with the kids.
Shortly after my parents died, I hit my goal weight of 225 pounds (100 lost) mostlybecause I was too stressed to eat - food actually made me nauseous quite frequently. Since then, however, my weight has jumped back up to 236-240. I'm happy that that's all I've gained and that I've managed to maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle inspite of the stress. Now that Christmas is over, I'm more focused on getting the weight back off.
For Christmas, I recieved a "Smart Body Analyzer" by Withings. It measures weight, BMI, and body fat percentage, syncing it all wirelessly to an app on my phone. My hubby recieved the Withings cordless blood pressure cuff, which also syncs with our phones. We're very excited about the two presents. After Christmas, we decided to take the plunge and compelte the Withings set. We ordered each of us a Withing "Pulse" which is an activity and sleep tracker that syncs with the same app. Armed with all this awesome techy gear, we're ready to roll!! If any of you have a Withings Pulse, drop me your email address in the comments and we can compete with each other in a weekly step challenge. :)
That's all for now - I wish you all health and happiness in the New Year! xoxo
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