Wednesday, July 07, 2010
"Something we were withholding made us weak, until we found it was ourselves."
- Robert Frost
I just got done reading Spark's Healthy Reflections from yesterday and this is what it said:
"Who is standing in your way?"
"Imagine someone regularly tying small weights around your ankles as you try to climb a mountain. Doesn't sound fair, does it? But that's exactly what you can do to yourself, a little bit at a time, if you don't watch out. When you think of who and what is standing in the way of your dreams, it's easy to forget your own responsibility. Even the best of us can be guilty of unknowingly hurting our own progress. Procrastination, lateness, being disorganized, pessimism, not being honest with yourself, severe self-criticism, downplaying achievements, focusing only on weaknesses while ignoring strengths, keeping goals a secret, demanding perfection, giving up after a small setback--these are all ways you can make it tough to be (and do) your best. Smart systems, the right attitude, and a promise to keep going no matter what will make a world of difference."
This topic couldn't have come at a better time. Even though I had such a great month! I was completely down on myself this week. It stemmed from not being able to watch what I was eating at 4th of July BBQ and then a trip to the pool where I felt like the biggest girl there surrounded by nothing but bikinis and I was down on myself from that point on. I was so unhappy with myself that I cried in the shower and loathed myself. That one moment of weakness made me forget every wonderful life change I've made.... all the weight I have loss... all the strides I've made in exercising!!.... I was nothing but fat, ugly, and pathetic. Well after I slapped myself a few times and got over it!! I realized.... well for one... it was brave of me to go to that pool which I wouldn't have done not too long ago. I wore a bathing suit which I really wouldn't have done. I am feeling better about myself! Not 100%... far from 100% but I am getting there. I also realized that I have got to stop being jealous of people who are thinner and who look good in bathing suits because when I finally get there I am going to be wearing a bikini too and I hope that some woman at the pool isn't glaring at me hating me because she hates herself. Plus my poor husband thinks I'm perfect and even though I think he is much mistaken I don't want to look at him like he is full of crap when he tells me I am the most beautiful woman on earth... which he does and I sometimes give him that look... I know bad Jessica... bad!! He can see it and it is time for me to see it too....................
But can all you skinny girls do me a big favor and just not look so completely hot until I can catch up with you a little bit?? Is that too much to ask?? I love you guys :)