Sunday, April 22, 2007
You have to be willing to do this for yourself.--- I have come to the realization, that I can not do this for anyone but for myself. I have been to the point where I asked my husband, " Do you think I am fat?" and he said "No." I felt fine with it at the time, and I accepted it. Why? Because I was looking at him to complete me. Now I know I cannot let anyone complete me because its all up to me for me to be happy. I have to step up my game and live for me. This is one body, one me, and one life. I cannot live another day like this. I look back at my 281 pictures and I think to myself, Who is that girl?? Honestly, she is not how I envisioned myself. I have decided that I have to do this for me and that its not up to anyone else. I have to do this and I have to be doing whatever it takes to achieve this goal.
No Negotiations.--- I have decided that my health and my happiness is no longer under negotiations. I am going to keep doing me and taking time out for me, to make sure I do what I need to do to continue making my health get on track and increase my confidence. Don't get me wrong my weight loss is not about looks, it is about me LOVING ME........this brings me to the point of How much do you love yourself??? I heard Oprah say this on the After the show special on Oxygen and its so true because if we loved ourselves and took out the time needed to take care of ourselves we wouldn't be where we are today. I truly believe this and I know that I doing better by myself for finding out who I am, and what I truly mean to myself. I am going to do this for me.
24 hours in the day, take one for yourself!!! last but not least, I have to take time out for me, this has become such a habit that I cannot go a day without taking an hour out for me. I have to do this, even if I go to the track tell my daughter sit there in the bleachers, ( she has her toys, paper, crayons, snacks and a juice) and she does not bother me. I have to get my ME Time in. I am so glad that I finally have come to the realization that I needed to do this for me. I am Finally being the best me that I can be......................
Sunday, April 22, 2007
This week I plan to work on drinking my water to reach my goal of 122 oz. That is half of my last weigh in weight. So when my weigh in change I will be able to drink less water. I like water, but when you are trying to drink half of your body weight its kind of hard, I will just have to pace myself drinking the water at a steady pace. We will see how this goes.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Referring back to yesterday!!!!
Okay my body is wacky!!! This morning, I was not going to go to the gym, because I had so much to do, and I guess out of habit, I put on my sweats, and my t shirt, put on my gym shoes, grabbed my IPOD, my water bottle, my body was saying to come back home and go back to sleep for 1 hour, then finish my paperwork but my mind said you have come to far to stop now, My body was calling for the sleep but when I got to the gym, I ran my 2 miles first to wake up my body and even then its like my body was trying to fight it, I dont know, now its 1217 midnight and I am wired, my body is full of energy. Am I reverting back to European time. Hmmmmm...............
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Today is a good day, I had to answer a question yesterday that made me look at myself deeper because I had never been asked the question before.
The question was "How did you get that big?"
I had to give it a thought and once I started typing it just flowed out of my soul. Here's my response.
For one I was never small, I weighed 199 in 9th grade but I was really active, and it wasn't flabby or anything, So my mom never pushed the weight issue with me. I weighed 210 at 18 but I still wasn't unhappy about my weight I figured I was just thick, but cute, living life and hanging out no one ever complained about it, and I didnt see anything wrong with it. Now when I was 20 and weighed in at 245 ( going through alot of problems with my boyfriend at the time) I had gotten comfortable, my mom and I went to a weight loss clinic in Texas where I started taking Phentermine and she was taking Adipex, I lost 10lbs in the first week I was doing really good, then I stopped taking the pills when I got back down to 210 and gained the weight back really fast, I got pregnant, married, and then I would try to lose the weight but would lose a little bit but then I would gain more back, we moved to Italy right before my daughter turned 1, I was working, going to school, and not taking time out for me, plus I was going through a depression over there, small community where everyone knows everyones business, hubby was out doing his thing and I wasnt doing mine, and the weight just came on, last year when I moved back to the states, I went to a gym in Georgia, and I weighed myself and saw the 281 mark, I nearly cried because it's not something I was proud of I started working out, July will be my one year anniversary where I started putting me first. I joined SP back in Feb 07 to get extra support, but now I can talk more about it, Any questions you have I can answer I am not ashamed, I just reached my breaking point, where I wanted to do something for me, trust me now my husband is trying to make up for all the stuff he did in italy, because he sees how I am putting me first now. LOL, I just didnt put me first.
Now to those of you who come here I ask you the same question, "How did you get this big?" Do not let it offend you, because it is something we need t come to terms with.
Monday, April 16, 2007
1. Will I be able to maintain my weight once its all gone, I don't ever want to gain it back.
2. Will I get a big head once I lose all of my weight???
I know that I am doing this the right way, but at the same time, I don't want to lose what I am working so hard to make a lifestyle. I am doing my best here and truly want to accomplish this goal, but then I am worried that all the attention I am starting to get will make me get a big head. LOL, HELP!!! Getting more attention, not just from other males, but hubby too. Hmmmm.........
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