Friday, May 18, 2007
Words escape me today although my thoughts are many, just can't jot them down today, because my mind is going in 10 different directions. Multi-tasking and multi- thinking is crazy right now. I have to sit down and think...................take a moment and breath, just relax and get some order in these thoughts clouding my head for the moment.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I cannot wait to see what my weigh in will be on the day of Memorial day. I really hope to reach my goal of 229. I started out 244 and planned to weigh in at 229. So we will see. I will be going to the GNC that morning to do my weigh in and reveal the results, We have 12 more days, I am still not eating meat, I want to see how it goes, I am eating my eggs, and beans. I have stepped up my plan to work out 2 times a week a few days a week. I did that Monday!!! I am going to aim for today. I really want to lose this weight, and I am trying to avoid hitting a Plateau. I want my body to lose more than its usual 5 lbs this month. My goal this month was to knock off 8.5, but I have til the last day this month. I am just glad to be losing in all honesty. There was a point where I felt like I just couldn't lose, I wasn't in the right timing though! Meaning I was going through some things, I didn't have the support I needed then and I wasnt focused enough.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Okay here it goes, I have finally started working again, (monday was my first day) I have to Thank God, first because I was off for 9 months, which gave me time to work on losing my weight, and slowly get back into the mix of things. I went to the gym on Monday after I got off, however yesterday I didn't have time to go to the gym, so I rushed home, fed my daughter and then I went to hit the track. I am just taking every thing one step at a time, because I have to lose this weight, I really want to reach my goals, I definitely don't want to gain it back, I am going to do this. I even took my lunch so that I would have something to eat, instead of running out to the fast food joints, or the snack machine. I will just take some snacks to keep there for me when I get a munchy or feeling lethargic. LOL..............needing energy. This lifestyle is just something that I have to keep working towards. I just have to be DETERMINED not to let anyhthing get in my way!!!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Listening to the radio today, I heard Michael Baisden say that if you lose weight, gain weight, stop taking care of yourself in the course of a relationship that should be means of breaking up. It got me to thinking.........hmmmm..........How did my spouse feel when I gained weight? I asked him many times before, and his response was always that of " I don't care about your weight" or the "If you want to lose it I will help you" or the " YOu look good the way you are" Its funny though because looking back I look at my own pictures I think, UGH!
I kind of wonder how would I feel if my spouse started gaining weight???? I would actually have to approach him about it, before it got of hand. I think that if you love and care for your spouse that you should be looking out for their best interest. I look back at my own weight gain and think to myself would I want to be my spouse, with me looking the way I looked?? The answer is no, because you would have to take into consideration did I care for myself, I think that its up to us to help take care of one another, think about it health wise, I want to be there to live a long healthy life, see my daughter have kids, and that kid have kids, and so on. I don't think you should leave someone because they gained weight, but if anything
We sometimes confuse looking good, nice clothes, hair done, make up done, and the right shoes as looking good, and yet when we strip away all of that, we are not what we want to be. We have to do this, we cannot just let ourselves go, it's not even about keeping a spouse its about BEING YOU!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 12, 2007
I'm looking to be me, looking to be free, to find the girl who is deep down inside of me. She is slowly coming back out, like she was buried beneath the fat. She is me, the long lost me, the me I used to be, I need her to come back and live life like I'm supposed to be, I missed that girl, never realized til layer after layer started peeling away she slowly started coming back alive, its funny how I forgot how to live, like it was lost in the wind but now looking back I realize that I had not forgotten, but had put on a suit of shame, a suit of discomfort, a suit of excuses, a suit of laziness, a suit of so many things the list could go on and on. I am glad that as th suit is peeling away she is showing her face, the new suit is filled with energy, life, love, comfort, motivation and determination. I am proud to wear this suit yet it doesn't fit right just yet I am growing into it, because it is in a one size fits all and as my weight comes down it will be just right, maybe a little big but thats okay its to share with others on this journey as well.
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