Saturday, October 27, 2012
I have been really very motivated for about 2 weeks. I have lost about 6 pounds, and am happy with that. Today, I am stressing about a big exam tuesday, and running around doing errands with the kids, and POW it's lunchtime, and POW the kids want pizza, and I walked in the pizza shop thinking I'd just get a drink and eat something healthier when we got home, and I ATE 2 BIG SLICES OF PIZZA. Seriously, 2 HUGE slices. I probably wouldn't be so mad at myself with one, but really, I did not, do not need TWO! Not sure where the willpower went...but it went. Feeling pretty gross right about now, and more than a little disappointed with myself. I am right about to break into the 180s, and I am sure I blew that for a day or 2.
The good news is that I still have a shot at staying in my ranges for the day. This is what I keep telling myself. That a weight loss plan has some wiggle room for pizza or ice cream or anything else, as long as I stay in range, and don't make junk food a habit. THis is a distance race, after all, not a sprint...and I need to hang in there and keep chipping away at this weight. So, here's to not allowing my pizza slip to turn into a day where I say, "ahh, to hell with it, i already messed up today..." I WILL STAY IN RANGE TODAY (albeit barely:) and do better tomorrow
Friday, October 19, 2012
i am obese. i am obese. i am obese.
hard to say. hard to read. hardest to believe. i was not a chubby kid. i do not see myself as a fat person. but i am obese.
i sit in class, learning all about how obesity kills, causes stroke, diabetes, cardiac disease, and i think...are they looking at me? is that professor looking at me as they talk about the obesity epidemic in this country? in a short while, i'll be sitting across from patients..telling them how important it is that they maintain a healthy weight...and they'll no doubt be thinking that i am a HUGE HYPOCRITE.
i am obese. obesity kills. these things are both true...but one, not for long.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
SO, first of all, the putting the scale away business lasted like 3 days. Then I broke, and weighed in. It's probably a bad habit, but I like seeing daily progress. Which I WAS seeing, until we hosted a bbq last night. There were chips and guac and burgers and drinks OH MY. I ate, not too badly....tasted a bit of everything but very much controlled my portions. THough I am showing a gain this am, I am okay with that....I know there will be occasions when I am not "eating to live" and I will just get right back on track the next day. I woke up this am...went for my walk/jog with the dog, ate by nuts and berries breakfast, and will give these extra pounds 48 hrs to disappear before I change my ticker. Onward and downward (on the scale : )
Monday, July 11, 2011
i keep reading about all the people who have put their scale away and are feeling renewed motivation, inner peace, etc etc. i have to admit, this is a big struggle for me. i am a scale addict. i know it is not helpful, but seriously, i must weigh myself 3x/day. this causes alot of frustration on my part, and a general scratching of the head...but also, it gives me a little perspective. you see, i might weigh myself when i wake up, then go running and come home and WEIGH MORE after sweating for 3 miles. OR, i might be really good for 2 days with almost no loss, then eat something i shouldn't and be lower the next day. i always worry that if i weigh in once a week and the scale is having one of it's schizo moments that make no sense, i will be disappointed for no good reason. on the other hand, it would be kindof liberating to put the darn thing away for a week at a time. or even 2.
full disclosure here, the scale is kindof pissing me off these days. i've been eating well since the beginning of june or so, and exercising consistently...yet i am not really seeing much weight loss. i feel better, have more energy, and feel like i oughta look fabulous by now (in fact, i am often surprised by the fat girl in the mirror when i am feeling like such a rockstar on the inside-there goes that reverse anorexia again!)...only to be let down by the number.
okay, so a plan..i weighed in this morning at 182 on the money. i am putting that flat bastard (the scale) in my closet until the day i leave for vacation (about 10 days from now). We'll start there and see how it goes....
Saturday, July 09, 2011
so, i just got in a huge, admittedly stupid fight with my husband. i was so ticked that i was plotting to get in my car and leave for a while to blow off some steam, when what does he do but LEAVE before i could go! this is a relatively rare thing...and will probably be funny some day (we were fighting about laundry)...but i am STEAMING. to make matters worse, i have no one to call because i already know how inconsequential this argument is. so here i am, blogging to kindof imaginary people about what a jerk my husband can be. why? because writing into cyberspace is better than eating random sweet yumminess that might be hiding in my freezer (damn you left over haagen dazs!) or pantry(hershey bar left over from slumber party smores). because eating for comfort will ultimately make me MORE UNHAPPY. because "comfort food" is a big FAT lie. comfort food made me fat, and fat does not equal comfort. in fact, fat is the greatest source of my life's DIScomfort, both physical and psychological. i will not eat away this unhappiness. i will keep the laundry situation in perspective : ) i will wake up tomorrow and see a change in the right direction, and not wake up hating myself for the backslide. i wlll make him sleep on the couch : )
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