Wednesday, February 02, 2011
How many of us are struggling? Yeah, I know some of you out there raised your hands. Even though not a soul was there to see you right? Me too. I hid the scale the other day, well no that's not accurate... I had my husband hide the scale the other day. Why? Because that darn number just refuses - flat out REFUSES to move!
And that just was frustrating as all get out. Demoralizing would probably be a better word, I very seriously considered just giving up.
"I won't ever lose the weight! I'll be 375 pounds for the rest of my life, never buying clothes in a normal store and wearing Muumuus when I reach the age of 30".
...Yeah I really said that outloud.
Not many people know that I restarted college this past month. One of the first classes I'm required to take is a speech class. Now I've never really had a problem with public speaking, as I'm sure you've all gathered by my video blogs, so I really thought this would be the easiest A I ever got in a class. The professor then told us what the subject of our first speech will be.
I froze like a deer in the headlights. Sure I could talk about graduating college again, but how does a 28 year old woman stand up in front of 18 year olds and talk about going back to college and STILL not having any idea what she wants to do? Money's always an issue and a goal, but that's not really concrete either. "I want more money" can't really be stretched into 5 minutes. So what does that really leave?
So I sat down and I started on my outline for my Weight Loss Goals speech. Then last night, I wrote my rough draft. Talk about the hardest rough draft I have ever written in my life. I'm still not entirely happy with it. I looked around the classroom and realized there is not a single person in there that will truly understand what I'm trying to say. That will truly understand the struggle of being a woman over 400 pounds. And thank god, really. I would never want someone else to go through that. But how do I convey that message?
Well... I think I have a good idea as to how. And in about 2 weeks you're going to get to see that speech because a requirement is that we have to video record these suckers. Writing this speech helped to re-energize me... and the words of a dear friend helped pushed me back over that edge of motivation.
Trust me y'all. You are about to see me be awesome!