RAVENFAIR   13,193
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Shine brighter then a shooting star, no matter where you are.

Monday, February 04, 2013

My blog title is from a song called Shooting Star by Owl City. Not only does it have a great up beat tempo (perfect for working out!), but the lyrics are so happy. Here is just an example of what they say:

"When the sun goes down and the lights burn out
Then it's time for you to shine
Brighter than a shooting star
So shine no matter where you are

Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light
'Cause it's time for you to shine
Brighter than a shooting star
So shine no matter where you are tonight"

I think that those lyrics say so very much about how we need to believe in ourselves. Even when we are at our darkest (and I know we've all been there) we have to just tell us we need to shine. It may be hard to convince ourselves that we are worthy of shinning or that we even have the energy, heart or will to shine. We must remember that even in the hardest times, we have reason to shine. Think about it. Think about what you like about yourself, think about how you stuck to your healthy meals today or maybe even though you were tired today, you still worked out. That my dears is worthy of shinning!! It doesn't have to be a big thing to shine, little things are shine worthy too because even those little things aren't so little when you are doing your best.

Sometimes it's hard remembering that though. Sometimes it's so dark that you feel that even if you did shine, it wouldn't make a bit of difference. But it does! Shinning is one of those things that is contagious, kind of like a cold, but with less runny noses. If you shine, then maybe you'll get someone else who needed to shine, to shine themselves. Once you see them, maybe you'll then start shinning more! When you shine that much, then no matter the darkness that is around you, it won't feel so dark because you are too bright for it. It's time we stop let things and people take it away from us and make us tarnished. So when those days get to dark and things hurt too much, shine anyway. Shine because you deserve it, we all do.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUZANNE65203 2/6/2013 10:34AM

    Well said. Don't hide your light under a bushel! emoticon

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GOANNA2 2/5/2013 2:43AM

    Thank you. Lovely words. emoticon

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Back to the basic, back to something good?

Friday, February 01, 2013

It's been a few years since I have been on here. I had so much going on in my head, heart and life at the time that I stopped coming to Spark People. It was hard enough going through my day remembering to tell myself to breath and that maybe everything would be ok; I couldn't add one more thing in to remember. Life has still had it's up and downs since then, as life always will. I put my heart out there again and it was hurt, thankfully not as much as before and it is healing fast. I gained friends, I lost a few (but maybe they were never really friends to begin with I guess) and I've learned quite a number of things about me. I guess at 32 it is never too old to keep learning about yourself.

People always want to make January their time for renewal and starting over, but as January was just plain crappy, I'm making February my new year. Why be like everyone else; I have never been like everyone else anyway. So starting today and from now on I do for me. I don't give in and I don't back down. I have let people use and hurt me, not just this year, but in past years. Not this time. I am getting my ass in gear and not only working out so I can feel good, but because I can (hopefully) look good. Plus I have some vacations coming up this summer and I am determined to be more toned then I am now.

Sometimes I need a bit of a push. As much as I keep saying I am not giving up, it's hard not to. It's hard to envision an end result of me being toned and without jiggly thighs because the only time I didn't have them when I was about 12-13. It's a battle with myself. How do I know if I can get to that end, if I was never that "end product" anyway. Maybe I will never be the picture in my head... which I have to say IS realistic and not some crazy supermodel look... maybe I will always look like how I do. Granted it's not bad, persay, but can I do better? I don't know. I hope to try and be surprised and find out I can, versus trying and finding out I can't. So while this road is very long and I know bumpy and the longer I go probably even bumpier then I can even imagine at this point, I will work. I will hold on with 2 hands and take the bumps when they come and I will do my best to deal with it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAVENFAIR 2/4/2013 12:47PM

    Thank you all for the kind words and thanks for the welcome LALMEIDA and Ruth Ann! It is nice to be back.

Suzanne, I do have faith that this is where I am supposed to me. I just wish sometimes I got a little more heads up beford hand :)

Kutey, I would like that. I'll message you :)

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LALMEIDA 2/2/2013 8:24PM

  emoticon emoticon

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SUZANNE65203 2/2/2013 2:29PM


Welcome back! You are on the right path but you can't know where it will take you right now. Have faith and just keep going.


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ANTIOCHIA 2/2/2013 9:21AM

    Welcome back!!
~Ruth Ann

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KUTEY5041 2/2/2013 3:22AM

    Raven, I am so sorry you were hurt again. Sometimes I feel that it is not worth the pain. I guess if we don't try even though we put ourselves out there with a chance of getting hurt, we will never know if the right one is out there waiting for us. So much of what you have written sounds exactly like me. It is eerie. If you want to, we can make it a buddy system like they used to talk about and keep each other on track. I am determined to try to get to where I feel better about my looks and health this time. I am so tired of being jiggly everywhere and having to get such a large size of pants. I used to be so small till my late 20's or early 30's without doing anything. then all of a sudden, I blew up like a balloon. You will make it this time. Don't give up on me

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God gave me a little bread crumb trail, to bad I like carbs.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Well many many things have changed since I last wrote a blog entry. I wish I could say my life changed in a way I never saw coming, but that would be a slight lie. I think I really did see it coming, I just chose to ignore it and hope that I was wrong. Sadly I wasn't. Now I'm on a new path. A new beginning to my life and some days it is beyond scary. Starting over and trying to find the person you might have once been, along with trying to mesh that up with the person you now are can be difficult. Finding "yourself" after years of being yourself, but with another person is just as hard. So you think about how you were "back before" but knowing that you are so much older now. Hopefully a bit wiser too; even though there are times you feel more stupid.. but you're not, not really. You think back to how you grew up during those years together and how you changed. In many ways for the better, in some ways not. You learn as you go how to add the bits and pieces of yourself back together. Sure the pieces of your heart are still scattered all over... but the pieces of yourself in the before, during and after slowly come together and form the you of now. That's where I am now. Learning about me again. So why the bread crumbs? I'd like to think that God is trying to help me (in his usually oddball way) on a path back to me or even maybe on a path to something great (I hope!!!), but sometimes I get hungry and eat the crumbs. Which is when I get lost and stop listening not only to myself, but also what the world is telling me. This is also when I jump in to fast and we all know what everyone says about swimming after eating... I don't want a "cramp". So here I am learning how to just follow that bread crumb path and not eat it. Sometimes the path moves very slow and as much as there are days where I want it to move faster; I found out yesterday that it's moving that slow for a reason. God knows you can't and shouldn't go faster and he knows that your heart and you are not put together enough yet. He knows that you'd just beat yourself up in the end and since you've done so much of that to begin with, that your poor little heart couldn't handle anymore of it. Sometimes he even has to have some help from the outside for you to realize this and you're thankful for it, as you tend to need a more obvious sign saying "DO NOT ENTER" because you can be a bit oblivious. Ok a LOT oblivious. But once all that happens, you get all of this. It dawns on you that he was right; which is hard coming from a person who doesn't like to admit they were wrong sometimes, and you kick yourself a bit, but vow to remember this and keep it close to you. Then you start to learn that maybe that bread crumb path isn't supposed to be there for you to munch on, but it's supposed to lead you to the treat. Which just might be that big loaf of bread that he made just for you and then you'll finally be happy. Really.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PIEGRRL 1/5/2011 9:31PM

    "Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, it's not the end"

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QUERIAN 1/5/2011 3:49PM

    Oh you are going to be just fine. I have been where you are now and believe me it really does pay off in the end! You have a beautiful opportunity now to reshape yourself, not into the old you, but into a newer and better you, into the person you truly want to be, starting today. Hugs!

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UMUCGRAD 1/4/2011 5:34PM

    All the best to you as you heal. Feast on the Bread of Life and all will be well.

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GOANNA2 1/4/2011 4:16PM

    emoticonYou are back and just take one day at a time.
Hari has said it all and I agree with all she says.
Take care and God bless

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GREEKGIRL71 1/4/2011 1:37PM

    Hey there koukla, I'm glad to see you are back with us. I think you'll be just fine. Although you've been through alot, you are still able to see that there is a reason for all this madness. You are a tough cookie and even though the wounds may still be fresh, you're on your way to something better. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we can't understand why at the time.
Take care,

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Bad times and good... life is always changing.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Well, got some bad... or shall I say scary new this weekend, as well as some wonderful new today. So lets start with the scary, get it over with and get to hoping that things are going to be ok. Well on Friday actually I found out that the bf's little niece has a growth on her thyroid along with something happening to her pituitary gland (I believe). This is very scary as she has been in remission from cancer for over a year now. She was so little when she was diagnosed with cancer.. at just only about a year old. So she grew up in hospitals and with tubes in her. She went through all that for a few years before finally after everything she was in remission. Now this comes. More bumps, more tests, more hospital. His mom is flying down.. or well over.. there this week. She'll be there to help with the other kids while the parents are trying (and praying I'm sure) that this will just be a plain old nothing growth and everything is fine. Meanwhile we're here praying and still wearing our Team Alexis bracelets. The only reason I take mine off when I get home, is because it's too big and it can fall off my wrist; if mine fit it would always been on. I try and be optimistic because she is such a strong little girl. So fun and filled with laughter and boy she knows what she wants. I have no doubt that she can kick cancers butt again, but why should she have to. Why should any little one.. or any person have to instead of just being healthy. These aren't questions I or anyone else for that matter can answer, although I wish I could. Maybe I wouldn't like the answer though. So if you just happen to be reading this, say a little prayer or send a good thought up into the universe for Alexis. She could use it and so could the whole family. Thanks.

Now on to the good news. I just found out that one of my good friends is pregnant. Her and her husband have been wanting and trying for a baby for a few years now, and while they said they would leave it up to God, it still was hard. Just a few months back they were thinking about going into the foster program so at least they could help and love a child who needed it very much. Now they are preparing for their own little one and she is very excited and I am sure very nervous. I haven't talked to her directly yet, she text messaged me (oh the wonders of technology!) with the good news a little bit ago. So I am very excited for her and her husband. I'm sure they will be wonderful parents.

Times they are a changing. Just goes to prove that just when you think life is standing still, we get a jolt and realize that maybe it's not so still after all. Sometimes the changes are good, sometimes they are bad and sometimes nothing changes at all; or at least that we know of. We just have to deal with them as best as we can and know that either way, like the weather... just wait 5 minutes and it'll change.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARIKA1974 4/7/2010 7:50PM

  What is Team Alexis? Is it local b/c I'm from FH too.

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QUERIAN 4/7/2010 11:01AM

    Things really are changing! Congrats to your friend and prayers to the little girl!

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An award for me? Really?!

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Well apparently I was on SP enough in the month of January that I received an award for it! I can't even believe that. I saw in my email that I had received an award from SP and I was a bit shocked. I was thinking "what in the world would I be getting an award for?". Well now I know. I commented, tracked, spun the wheel, read articles and all that and I received an award. It feels good to be rewarded for doing something that I want and need to do. Yes, usually our reward is seeing our pants fit better (heck even fall off!) or being able to walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath, or being able to do a pushup or what have you, but sometimes those rewards don't come as fast as we need them. Sometimes we hit that place where those pants just don't seem to fall off, and we just can't quite get that push up. We try and try and try some more and the real rewards we are looking for are just out of our grasp, but then we log onto SparkPeople and we see goodies our friends gave us, posts on all our different teams of encouragement and we know that there are other friends that are there to help us and who are going through the same thing. So when I get an "extra" award for just logging on and being here it makes me feel good and makes me want to keep going and do even better. Amazing how one little picture on one little page can be such a huge thing. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZORGLUBB 2/9/2010 1:50PM

  I know the feeling of happiness when the rewards come in the mail, I love that feeling. It is so silly to get so happy about it, but I do. And it is a huge motivator for me to try to get as many sparkpoints as I can possibly get each day (without cheating, I have to EARN every point). It makes me really annoyed on the days when I am too lazy to work out, I know it will set my points total back a lot.
Silly but effective way of staying motivated.

Keep up the good work and keep logging in and spinning the wheel!

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