Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Yesterday I blogged about wanting to get rid of the last of my fat that is living happily around my belly button. I thought it was a valid goal for my 50th birthday. Apparently I have been going on about it around the house and looking at myself in the mirror ( it's a guy thing, we like to see our muscles flex) far to much. This was enough to get my wives devious mind churning.
My perfect little wife has never had an ounce of fat on her. She was a star athlete all through school. Swim team, volleyball, running, you name it and she was on it. I have never seen her over eat. She eats small amounts all day long and never eats when she is not hungry.
Yesterday it was 110 degrees and my wife was running around the house in a pair of tiny shorts and a half tank top. Her hot flashes have been getting worst so she wears as little cloths as possible and wraps herself in a blanket when she is not having one. Her Dr. can't get her hormones straightened out, and I'm not even going to talk about the mood swings.
Last night we were relaxing on the couch after dinner and Melissa lays her head in my lap and tells me " I am getting so fat". I laugh and say very funny Dear. I rub my hand over her belly and tell her see no fat, just skin over muscle. She just keeps going on about how she needs to go on a diet. By this time I am starting to get worried, she is under weight and the Dr. is always trying to get her to put on some pounds. She goes to the full length mirror and starts looking at herself and complaining about all the fat and how terrible she looks. I am trying to talk her down from the edge when she just starts laughing and asks me if she reminded me of anyone.
The light bulb goes on. I have been exposed as a fool by the master. I always forget that she was an actress, and her sweet little face makes me take the bait hook, line, and sinker. As my mind races back over the last few weeks, I realize I have been obsessing on the negative and not enjoying the accomplishment I have made. I must have looked ridiculous staring at my flat belly and complaining about the fat and then running around the kitchen counting out each raw almond I ate and making sure everything I ate was exactly one serving.
While I am standing there like a deer caught in the head lights. My wife reaches over and pinches me and then takes off running down the hall laughing hysterically. We chase each other all around the house and end up having a water fight in the kitchen and across the dinning room. Thank goodness we installed all ceramic tile. We have a wonderful evening together, but in the back of my mind I am wondering what is going on in the dark devious corners of that creature I call wife. I guess us men will never know.