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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I'll admit to being a little on the cranky side this morning. Went to bed basically on time last night. About 8:30. Read for a little bit, and asleep by probably 9. But woke up at 2:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. That is so very frustrating for me!! It's happened a lot in the last couple of weeks, and I'm not sure why!! But it's driving me bananas. I go to bed with enough time to get 7 hours of sleep, but my body craps out on me between 5-6 hours of sleep. Does this mean that I don't NEED 7 hours of sleep?? Should I just go to bed a little later and see what happens?? I'm really afraid to do that for a couple of reasons - this is something of a "new" phenomenon - I was doing really well getting closer to 7 hours a night and feeling good about it. And I'm also worried that if I go to bed later, and I still wake up at 2:30 or so, that then I'll be getting even less sleep.

I just wish I knew why I was waking up in the middle of the night and tossing and turning. It's getting real old, real fast.

Did get up to work out this morning w Jillian, and then a walk w the dogs. So I'm not letting this get me off track. But I'd really like to get back to sleeping well through the night...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANDYLOVE_76 1/30/2014 11:30AM

    Sorry to hear you aren't sleeping. Maybe it's the weather. My wife isn't sleeping well either.

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Goal setting with friends

Monday, January 27, 2014

I find myself a part of a local group of women, which is very good for me. And this past weekend, six of us sat down together to ruminate on our 2013 goals and results, and to share our 2014 goals. I did not share all of my goals because we did not have time for that many (I have 21+ and continuously growing), I did share some of my bigger goals for the year, and a few small ones as well. And I learned from others while I was there too.

We also did a guided meditation, which was a learning experience for me, and we just spent some time together talking about philisophical things.

I think sharing goals not just here on sparkpeople, where few people will ever see it, and fewer will hold me accountable to any of them, is critical to success. Accountability in one way or another is really important. Sometimes it's enough to hold myself accountable to things. But sometimes I feel like I need the support of others. So this experience was one where I felt I could garner a little support, while offering some of my own.

I also had something of a realization this morning. During the week, I exchange emails with my best friend every morning with a theme. Mondays are "inspirational", Tuesdays are "funny/punny", Wednesdays are "word of the day", Thursdays are "spiritual", and Fridays are "factoids". Anyhow, today one of the quotes I sent her was "People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, and all life for happiness". I see so many people who dread Mondays - who wish that day away every week. Or who count down to a vacation without enjoying the time leading up to it, or who wish away the winter because they would rather the weather were nicer. These are moments, days, weeks, etc - that we can never ever get back. Wishing away your life for one reason or another is a complete and utter waste of time and energy...

Anyway, on a physical note - I got some exercise in over the weekend, and I got up and worked out w Jillian this morning, and walked my pooches 2.5 miles.


Jan 21 - a year later.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

So on this day last year, at about 10:00am, my little ordered and planned world fell apart.

It was on that day that my partner of 11 years told me that the plans we made for starting a family were not something she could be a part of anymore - that she just didn't want to be a parent, and that she was sorry that she had let me plan and dream for so long about it before breaking my heart.

A lot has changed for me in the last year. We went through a period of trying to make it work, of couples therapy, and finally in May of ending our relationship. During that time I also began to forge new friendships and I put more effort into my health and worked to focus on the good things in my life rather than on what was crumbling around me. I began to train for my first triathlon, and I began to spread my wings and experience new things - new foods, new friends, new activities, etc.

I look back at who I was a year ago and I have a hard time recognizing the me that I was then. I have regrets, but I also have a lot to be thankful for. I wish beyond belief at times that somehow we could have made things work. But at the same time I'm grateful for all the new experiences I have had this past year. I sometimes wonder and worry if I'll ever meet someone to share the rest of my life with, but I also realize that things happen at the time they are meant to happen, and worrying will not speed the process.

I also wonder... with such huge changes last year, what will 2014 bring? I have goals for the year of course... but I never could have predicted at the beginning of 2013 that the year would end so very differently than I had pictured it. So while I have an idea of what 2014 holds for me, I certainly am not going to attempt to predict what really will occur for me this year. I can only trust that I am strong enough to take on whatever the year brings my way. And I fully intend to find joy in every day. I have been practicing gratitude - really focusing on it - every day.

On my walks in the mornings, I used to listen to music - pop music, etc. Now I listen to meditation music, and I focus on positivity for a solid 30 minutes every day. I focus on my personal mantra "I am strong, confident, healthy, capable, beautiful, calm, successful, and patient", etc. And I talk out loud while I walk. It's sort of a "send energy" time for me. I send gratitude and love to people in my life - my family and friends. I focus on the things I want to put into the world - love, happiness, hope, etc. And I focus on the things I'm thankful for - big and small. For instance a few of the things on my list this morning were: legs that can carry me on these walks every day, a safe neighborhood, a warm house, my family, my job, my health, etc. I realize that not everything will always go my way, but I can still find things to be thankful for. I can still find joy in something every day. And so this is where my focus is.

Anyhow - on a "diet and excercise" note... I got my hiney out of bed this morning for a circuit workout with Jillian, and my 2.5 mile walk with the dogs. And while I was over on cals yesterday, I am on track for the moment today. I am a little concerned about dinner, as it's a dinner out with friends, but will focus on veggies and go from there. I'm eating Thai for the first time ever tonight. I'll admit to being a little apprehensive. But it's in my goals to continue trying new foods. So... here we go!

Ok - back to work!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POWERPUFFGRL 1/24/2014 6:04AM

    Thank you for the inspiring blog. I am just getting out of a long relationship and am struggling with it too. I really admire your dedication to meditation and mindfulness --- meditation is one of the daily goals that I have that I never seem to meet. I hope I can achieve what you have---the health and fitness achievements and the inner peace.

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JESUISPRET 1/21/2014 10:06PM

    Wow, I can't imagine how tough that must have been for you. I'm sure your attitude wasn't always as positive as it is now, but your outlook is to be commended. With all of the positive energy you are sending into the universe I am sure you'll find someone special!

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Monday, January 20, 2014

When I started this journey a couple years ago, I used my blog to keep me accountable. And while I do work out with a friend pretty regularly now, I've not felt like I've been very consistent lately and I want to get back to that. I'm still at my goal weight. I'm doing fine in general. But I feel like I need a little more structure in my workout/eating than I'm getting right now. I am just a little anxious about regressing, and really want to make sure that doesn't happen. So I think I'm going to see if blogging on a regular basis again will help me to regain a little focus.

This year I have a goal set for participating in an olympic distance traithlon, so I will be training for that pretty hard core this summer, but I've started doing some training already and I guess I'll log that, along with my other exercise and caloric goals.

So... my current fitness plan is: 20-30 min workout video every weekday morning, followed by a 30 min walk with my dogs every weekday morning. And for now, I'm working out at least 3 evenings a week with my training partner, and trying to squeeze in one weekend workout too. The evenings typically consist of either a spin class or a 30 min session on one of the other cardio machines (run on the TM, elliptical, etc). And the weekend workout sort of varies right now - this past Saturday I swam, but it might also be a yoga session or a hike etc. This isn't a set in stone thing.

Once tri training is back in swing, things will be a little more nailed down.

I've come a long way on the swim portion of the tri anyhow. This past weekend I swam over a mile (72 lengths of the pool, which equates to 1.02 miles) in 42 minutes. The Olympic distance swim is .9 miles. So I'm superbly proud of myself for getting to where I can actually do that. Without stopping!! AND I kept up the same front crawl stroke the WHOLE time. That was a HUGE accomplishment for me. In all three of the triathlons that I did this past summer, I reverted to swimming with a breast-stroke because I just did not have the endurance to swim it at a crawl. I'm not sure where the endurance came from now, but I'm super happy with my ability to get it done!


Updating goals

Monday, January 06, 2014

I wanted to add a few more goals to my list.

1.) Maintain my ability to run 5K minimum
2.) Train for an OLYMPIC distance triathlon!
3.) Re-try the garden. Again. Come on success!!
4.) Build the stinking fire pit!
5.) Maintain my weight within 5 pounds of 120.
6.) Remain active on Spark all year long
7.) Continue exploring dreams/options for the future
8.) Enjoy the hell out of Paris in May!! And take a bazillion pictures!
9.) Continue clean life journey - foods, products, etc
10.) More pictures of my life - friends, family, etc
11.) More new veggies and recipes!
12.) Crochet the darn blanket!
13.) Hike and camp a lot this year - at least 5 camping trips and 10 hikes through new (to me) parks in the area. (i.e. get out in nature!!)
14.) Play the piano more often - at least once a week.
15.) Run with the Nike group on Thursday night in Paris!
16.) Complete a duathlon
17.) Meditate daily
18.) USA Trip with T-Bird using skymiles
19.) Go to an opera
20.) Smile every day
21.) Meet new people and be open to new friendships and relationships

I'm sure I'll keep adding to this.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANDYLOVE_76 1/6/2014 1:57PM

    Great goals.

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LIVELYLULU37 1/6/2014 8:04AM

    Sounds wonderful!! Now go get 'em!

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