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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Well I had a rude awakening this morning. I climbed on the scale and it read 270. Ugh!

So I am giving myself a reality check. Here it is.

I have not been eating healthy. I have been eating cheap comfort foods.
I have not been working out. I was doing really well just a few months ago, but have stopped completely. I didn't actually lose any weight then, but I felt better.
I have been eating more than I should. Time to watch portions and get snacking in check.

And the reason for all of this? I think I need to have a day of deep introspection to really form a clear conclusion about that. My gut instinct is that it is just plain laziness. But I wonder if it is not also a symptom of feeling so cut off from the world. I don't have anyone in my life keeping me in check and I don't have anyone in my life for whom it is worth taking care of myself. And that last statement probably is a strong reflection of my own self worth or lack there of, because shouldn't I want to take care of myself for me?

Any way, I have set myself a starter goal of 30 pounds and hope to reach that goal by February 18, my 28 birthday. And am going to start trying to slowly work some exercise back into my routine. The down side to that is that I have a little head cold that has settled in my chest, so cardio is going to be slow going until I fully recover. So I am going to aim for small bouts of activity and some strength training.

And hopefully I will never see that terrible number on the scale ever again.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TOGEMON 12/19/2012 12:02PM

    Yes, you should take care of yourself for you! You are the person worth taking care of :)

Your goals sound good; adding healthy choices in slowly has worked for me.


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POWER2XCEL 12/19/2012 11:12AM


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Big Trucks, Big Gas Prices, and Unexpected Blessings.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Well first of all general updates. Jury Duty got canceled last week so yay! And I was successful in getting the house clean and stuff moved in. I am still working on getting everything situated where I want it, but it is really close to being done. And I lost another pound this week, despite the traveling, so yay!

I did cheat on my diet last night. I got a subway sandwich, I stayed with in my calories and everything though so it is okay. But I felt terrible afterward. Not emotionally or guilty or anything, but indigestion and heartburn and just blah. Just wanted to record the experience so that next time I am tempted to cheat I can look back and remember that.

Next I will tell "The Adventure of the Move!"

I flew down to Dallas on Friday and after having dinner with my mom I went over to my grandmother's to start getting everything cleaned up and ready to load in the moving truck the next morning. My dad got to town about an hour later and we had every thing done that we could get done by about 9 p.m. and then all we could do was sit around and chat. We didn't have boxes until the next morning.

The next morning we got up early and my brother came over and drove us to the pick up moving trucks. I was picking up a 10 foot truck to drive back here to Muleshoe, and my dad was picking up a 17 foot truck to take stuff to Austin for my brother and then on to Houston where he lives.

The first thing the guy at the truck rental place says is, "I need to see your drives license." And immediately I know that my license is in the back pocket of my jeans back at the house. I checked my purse anyway in a vain hope. And then called my brother to bring it to me. So they got my dad set up in his truck and then got as much of my paper work done as possible till my brother turned up with my license. As I am finishing up my paperwork the other worker and my dad went out to get my dad's truck. When the other worker comes back in the first guy tells him to pull my 10 ft truck up for me. And the other guy says there is no 10 foot truck. After a short debate between the two of them it is revealed that they do not have the truck I reserved 3 weeks ago. So I have to take the only size truck they have. THE 27 Footer!

That thing was a monster and a diesel. I wasn't intimidated until I got out there standing next to it. But I just took a deep breath, steadied myself and had the guy walk me through all of the ins and outs of the truck. It was a little nerve racking, but I made the trip just fine. The only thing was that diesel is expensive! I spent as much on gasoline as I did on the rental! I am going to call the rental company and see if they might be willing to refund some of my money or give me a credit or something to help compensate for the additional cost to me because of the fuel.

I try to always look for the blessings in these unexpected situations. And the blessing behind the big-rig is that I was so concentrated and nervous about driving that big old truck that I didn't have time to consider the situation as a whole. I am a person who cries when I am upset. And the very real but unpleasant fact is that when I pulled away in that giant truck it was probably the last time I would ever be at my grandmother's house. In the next couple of weeks it will go on the market and soon it will be someone else's house. And that thought could have made for a very painful tear filled trip. But instead I was focused on wide turns and controlling that big truck and the shockingly high price of diesel. Unexpected Blessings.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSCUS 12/26/2012 9:51AM

    When I left my husband a few years ago, all my stuff was loaded into a 27 ft Penske yellow truck, and being pulled behind it was a car carrier with my van on it so overall it was about 50-66 feet long. I drove from California, Los Angeles, to Outside Seattle Washington, drove it onto a ocean ferry and crossed the water and then drove off the ferry an hour later onto Whidbey Island. Found my address and started driving up the steep steep driveway according to the instructions of my friend that all I would be able to see was sky for about 500 feet uphill. She said just keep going up, I did, I was petrified, but it finally leveled out. Then I could see the ground. I thought I was going to have a heart attack driving up that long steep driveway. But it was a lovely place to live
You did this too. Didn't you feel like a stronger person after driving it?? I know I did.

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LOSINGAMY 5/23/2012 1:21PM

    I can't eat any kind of fast food like that without getting nauseous. You're definitely not alone in that.

At least the truck took your mind off of that sad thought. You're in my thoughts and sorry for your loss.

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JESUS.SAVED.ME 5/23/2012 12:42PM

    DEFINITELY call the company for a refund on gas. They should have done something then and there considering it was their screw up. I hope they didn't charge you for the 27 footer. If they did, get a refund down to the cost of the 10 footer you ordered! And if the first person says no, ask to speak to a manager and so on. That is unacceptable.

I'm very glad you're all moved though. The Subway upset your tummy because of the processed meat, cheese and dressing. I used to think Subway was sooo good for me! But then it dawned on me that their ingredients are hugely processed. Our bodies aren't meant to digest such things and your body let you know it. I haven't eaten Subway in months.

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Short update

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I don't really have a lot to say today.

I weighed in officially today and had lost 7 pounds since last week. I know it is all water weight but it is still exciting. I will be traveling this weekend so I will have to be diligent to stick to my diet, and when I can't be perfect to at least make smart choices. And then I have to attend a cookout on Sunday. It is work related and I am NOT excited about it. It is a "deacons and spouses" cookout. One of our deacons is moving so this is the send off. Being both single and 30 to 50 years younger than all of our deacons, I always feel out of place, and awkward at these sort of things. After the traveling of the weekend I am hoping I can just drop in, make the rounds, and then say "well I am really tired," and skedaddle.

It rained here almost all weekend, which is awesome, because we have had almost no rain in over a year. But it kept me from doing any yard work.

I have jury duty tomorrow. And so I am just really hoping not to get selected for a jury. I was on the grand jury last fall so I am hoping that will disqualify me from all of the cases.

The trip this weekend is to go clear out some things from my grandmother's house. There is a chance that this will be the last time I am ever there. So the goals of the week are to get my house clean and ready for moving stuff in. And to just survive the week. If I can just maintain what I've got going then I will be satisfied.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POWER2XCEL 12/19/2012 11:13AM

  7lbs. emoticon

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RAEDAY 5/15/2012 12:32PM

    I live on the western edge of the Texas Panhandle. We are in the worst drought in a century. Being an Agricultural area it has made for a rough year. Lately there had been rain in the area but it all missed us, so this weekend was great for us.

I didn't like grand jury. With is being such a small town, you just don't want to hear that much stuff about your neighbors. Plus you know all the other people on the jury so if a disagreement arises it is uncomfortable. And the grand jury is very skewed to the prosecution which bothered at times.

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JESUS.SAVED.ME 5/15/2012 12:19PM

    7 lbs is AMAZING!!! That's so awesome!!! Where do you live that you haven't had rain in almost a year?? I live in B.C., we get a lot of rain. Good thing I love the rain. What was it like to sit on a grand jury? I've never been asked. I guess it would be a pain, but maybe also interesting. I'm very interested in criminology.

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An explanation of my goals and maybe a pic if this thing works

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

Goal update: I succeed this weekend in taking some time to relax. I went into Lubbock and had a massage. I opted for a deep tissue massage since I have a pinched nerve. I had never had a deep tissue massage before. It was not quiet as relaxing as a swedish massage but I left feeling nice and loose. But was a little sore the past few days. Still I would not rule out the possibility of doing it again.

I also had lunch with a friend who is pregnant. I missed her baby shower so as her gift I took her for a pedicure. We ran a couple of errands together and got to catch up since we hadn't seen one another in a couple of months.

I did not succeed in buying a mother's day gift. I better at least buy a card and get it in the mail. I will see my mom the weekend after mother's day so I could always give her something then, but I need to at least give her a card the weekend of.

So in my last post I talked about my post-it. Well here it is: (I am not sure this adding a pic thing is working, right now it is just text so we will see when I hit post if maybe it will pop in otherwise I will figure something out.)

The idea is to spend time with God everyday, keeping him the center of my life, and then accomplish one or two things in the other categories each day making sure to hit everyone each week. Under each category are two subcategories, again that I hope to hit each week.

Under Work, I want to accomplish both something job specific (other than just my regular day to day responsibilities), and something that is profession specific, like writing down ideas or working on articles for publication, or building on other skills and goals.

Under household, I want to accomplish something Indoors (on top of just general cleanliness) such as, this week, I bought and assembled a new tv stand. I am also going to try to get all of my baseboards washed this week. And of course I also want to accomplish something Outdoors. I am generally not good at the outdoors portion. With my recent back/sciatica issues I have fallen particularly behind in my lawn maintenance. Last week I finally got around to put weed and feed on the back yard. But it looks terrible. And I have a dog and I haven't been able to do poop scooping for longer than I'd like to admit. So that is on the goal list for this week. The tough thing is that even now I need to do that in small doses otherwise my back starts tightening up.

Under Health is the obvious Diet and Exercise. Last week I counted all of the packing as my exercise and this week I imagine I will count the yard clean up. I am trying to gently ease my way back into exercise since I don't want to risk re-inflaming the disc in my back. But I need to slowly start testing how far I can push myself, since I don't want to get to summer camp or something and then realize my limitations. So i am going to slowly add in and increase the amount of walking I do each day, and use my Fitbit to help me track it. Diet wise I have been a mess lately, and I have decided that I need to do something a little drastic in order to reset my system. So starting today I am trying out a plant based diet. No meat, no dairy. I am going to commit to it 100% for 2 weeks. Then I will evaluate how it is going. I am thinking at at that time I will hopefully stick with it, but simply work in a cheat day. My biggest worry is that in the past when I have not gotten enough protein I have gotten canker sores in my mouth. Still I think a couple of weeks of whole grains, fruits and veggies will help to reset my system and flush out some of the stuff making me feel sluggish.

And Finally under Social I have included Others and Self. I want to make sure that each week I do something that is just for me, like this past weekend going to get a massage, but on a smaller scale, like making time to just relax in a bath or giving myself time to just sit with a good book that has nothing to do with any of the other goal sections, etc... And then I also need to make sure that I spend time with others. This is actually the most difficult one for me. I am around people a lot but in a work capacity. My closest friends are an hour away and with gas prices like they are I can't afford to go see them every week, not to mention that I don't have time to go see them every week. So I need to be purposeful in trying to connect with other people each week. SparkPeople will be a help in that. It is a small thing but even just writing on this blog and on Message Boards helps me feel less secluded, and while I know that if I was to call all of my friends right now all of them would be at work and unable to talk, I know that I can post something here and someone will hear what I have to say. It doesn't replace real world connections but it helps fill the gap.

Goals: track food for the week, sticking to the plant based diet. Work on Yard Maintenance. Send my mom a mother's day card. Update blog by May 11th.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESUS.SAVED.ME 5/8/2012 7:28PM

    Have you written the goals down somewhere you'll see them and can check them off? I do what you do, I choose goals for categories of my life. That way I feel like I'm making things over, but slowly. I encourage this idea and your plan.

I use an app on my phone to help me keep track of my goals. It reminds me of 1 at a time, every day, but at different times. Noone wants 8 alarms going off at once, each telling you what to do. But I've enjoyed success with this this week. Is that an option for you?

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Packing and Unpacking, Figuratively and Literally.

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Thank you so much to the two people that commented on my last post. It truly was encouraging to just know that someone is listening to my thoughts and it was added motivation to continue on this journey.

Now as promised, an update on my progress. This is a long and complex process I have begun so I have not succeeded in all areas. One of the areas that hasn't really gotten underway yet, is the diet side of things. But that's okay, it's coming up. What I have been doing is getting things rearranged in my life. (Warning Story Approaching!)

For the past 3 1/2 years I have been living in my Landlord's childhood home. His mother was sick and in a nursing home and was basically camped out at Death's Door since I moved in. She passed away this past summer, and after some time my landlord made the decision to sell the house. In January they came to tell me that they would be coming by in the next week with the realtor to put the house on the market.

They are wonderful people who were giving me a GREAT deal since I am the youth minister at their church. So I was not eager to move out and pay higher rent. I was also not eager to have to keep the house show ready for the realtor. So I called a church member who has some rental properties around town and left a message that I was going to be looking for a place. She called me back a couple hours later and said she had bought the house from the landlord and my rental deal would stay the same. Praise God for his creative way of solving problems.

All this time my Landlord mom's things have also been sharing the house with me, and I have been blessed by the use of them. But now with my grandmother's death I have a bunch of stuff that I need to move into the house. So we are in the process of moving the old stuff out so I can move my "new" old stuff in. With all of my back/sciatica pain lately it has been a slow process of trying to just pack a few things each day over the last week.

But this morning at 4:30 I randomly woke up and grabbed my phone to check the time and noticed I has 3 missed calls from the night before. I don't know why my phone didn't ring, but was secretly please because I sacked out at 9:00 p.m. just exhausted. And all the calls came in after 9. But two of them were from my former landlady. I tried to ignore them and just go back to sleep but could stand it and checked my voice mail. It was two messages telling me that they have scheduled people to come pick up everything from the the house, THIS FRIDAY!

I had made some progress packing, but I thought I had a whole extra week! Well, now I'm wide awake. At 5:30 I just go ahead and get out of bed and start packing. I need to get everything packed and clean by Friday. And Wednesday I usually work 12 hours straight so I am in full on panic mode.

Thankfully I have been very productive all week and was able to call in and take the morning off. Over the course of the morning I was able to finish packing all of the fragile items. Minus a couple of coffee pots and a vase. But I ran out of boxes and newspaper, so I had to stop for the day. Still it was great progress and everything else should be quickly packable. The hardest part has been shuffling all of my stuff around and having to pack certain areas in order to move my things from one place to another. It is like a massive juggling act.

Anyway I called the grocery store to see if I could get some more boxes and they said that I would have to call back in the morning and see. And our secretary told me that a lot of the time if you don't get there by 7 a.m. the boxes are all gone. But I ran an errand to get some gift cards for our upcoming graduates and randomly asked if they had any boxes. One of the guys randomly happened to have the entire bed of his pickup stuffed with boxes and was happy to give me a dozen of them. Plus they are the good boxes that have the solid bottom and handles on the side! The exact same kind that I have been using, which will make moving them all so much easier and faster. I just felt so blessed. I could have bought those cards last week or next week, but I bought them today. It is a small thing, but huge relief to me. Yay, God!

In addition I have started a new short devotional type of Bible Study. I am using YouVersion, which is a free app and website. Lately I have guilty of only reading my Bible just enough to do my job. And it feels so good to get my heart back centered. It is a weird feeling that can't really be described. I guess it is similar to the feeling you get when to tackle spring cleaning and finally finish it. But this just requires prayer and some Bible reading and you get to have that feeling of completed contentment everyday.

I guess the conclusion of the day is just that I feel happier than I have in a long time.

I made myself a Post it and put it on the edge of my computer. At the top it says "Keep it simple stupid." That is a Michael Scott quote from the office, but I like it. And under it is a sort of modified Navigators Wheel. God in the center, and 4 spokes: Work, Household, Health, and Social. And then the word "Balance?" down at the bottom. More on that in my next post.

Goals: Post again by May 8. Do Something relaxing and restful this weekend. Buy a Mother's Day gift this weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESUS.SAVED.ME 5/2/2012 5:32PM

    Wow, yay God indeed! He totally lined things up for you!!!! I love it when He does that and it's wonderful confirmation that you're where He wants you to be. I use YouVersion too. I've done several shorter bible studies, but now I'm trying to work my way through the Psalms this month. Given my emotional state, I really felt God urging me to read it and process my feelings.

Looking forward to your next post.

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