Saturday, May 11, 2013
Fill in the blank...
For me, the Tough had to prioritize and re-arrange my "plate of life" for a little bit.
Soooo, I accepted a position within my company, but in a different city, 2 hours away. I'm still in the process of moving and getting things situated, but it has been VERY STRESSFUL. I've been working weekends (Friday-Monday) for almost 9 years. I had an opportunity to work Monday-Friday with the same company, but I'd have to move. My husband works from home, so we had to jump on the opportunity!!! And we did.
About 2 months ago, we filled a PODS, painted, fixed and cleaned and put our house on the market. It sold in 4 days, which is not what we were expecting, but apparently it was meant to be! The new owners wanted us out quicker than we like, so we will be living with my mother-in-law until school ends for my kids. We close on the current house Monday and close on the new house on June 4.
Emotionally, this has been exceedingly difficult. I was stressing myself and everyone around me out so bad, I thought I was going to have a breakdown. I decided to loosen the reigns a bit with my eating, tracking and exercising, which can take a lot of energy. ;) I have gained about 8 pounds, but considering my working out has all but vanished, I'm not going to beat myself up about it.
I re-charged my FitBit and put it on Tuesday for the first time. We moved most of our large furniture out, just the 2 of us, and I got in almost 15,000 steps! I'm trying to get back into the habit of tracking and such again, because I miss it. Plain and simple. I miss having a schedule, life has been turned inside out and I'm looking forward to being settled and in a routine again. 3 more weeks!!!!! Not to mention, we will actually be living like a "normal" family, with weekends spent with my husband and kids, not working. I cannot wait!
I'll be in and out until then. I hope everyone has had a fantastic Spring. I have many blessings and wonderful new horizons to look upon. Now I just need to find some patience. HAHA!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Happy September, almost October! Itís Fall and I can feel it. It's my absolute favorite time of year. Of the many reasons I love Fall, there is one in particular that I am really taking advantage of especially given the turmoil in my life this year. Itís that during the Fall, I become much more alert, organized and prepared. I LOVE Fall so much, that I actually get up earlier, get outside more and work harder to check things off my list so that I can go enjoy more FALL! I know this may sound nuts, but it is so true. Itís an extra charge of energy I get in the Fall and I love it. I get more exercise, Iím happier and I just plain feel better. Iím definitely a cool weather girl!
So, to start Fall off right, I have been much more focused the last few weeks and I am happy to report that this morning I stepped on the scale and I am 225. To date this is a 104 pound loss! Now, a LONG time ago I meant to be down 100 pounds, but it hadnít happened, and thatís in the past. I yo-yoed between 233 and 236 for like 5 months. Iím not going to regret that. It was a time of learning and grieving for me and I needed it. But, now I have re-focused my efforts from maintaining to loss again and its working, very well, I might add. It feels great and Iím going to ride this wave for as long as I can.
So, hereís to you and yours!!!! Have a great Fall harvest season and as I tell my kids this time of year, get outside and smell the mums! hehe
Here is my shirt and matching nails for today:
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Ok, so my sparkversary in May did NOT go quite as planned. Imagine that. I was hoping that by my 1 year, I would hit 100 pounds off. It didn't happen. I cried, ate ice cream, ranted and raved at everyone, binged on fried food, and completely stopped exercising.
Actually, I didn't. BUT I REALLY WANTED TOO!!! It's been a really difficult road since my sister passed away in January. Family members pulled some shenanigan's that have split my family and then my husband lost his job. By now, the old me would have gained back half the weight I'd lost (if not all of it).
Not the new me.
I keep fighting.
No I haven't technically lost any weight for a month and a half (really I've been losing and gaining the same 3 pounds), but I've kept off what I did lose AND I've been hitting the gym more. I see more tone and I feel better. Eventually I will get back to eating 1500 calories and begin losing weight again, but right now eating a little more along with exercising and its helping me cope in a healthy way.
I WILL NOT beat myself up. It's so easy to fall into the same old flippin' traps of, well I haven't lost anything, so I might as well eat what I want. WRONG!
I went to the waterpark nearby this past Wednesday. I ran up the stairs umpteen amounts of time, went down ALL of the slides (even the scary straight down ones that give major wedgies), laughed it up with my friends and kids and didn't give a rats booty that I still have jiggle in my arms and legs. I literally ran around that park like a teenager. IT FELT SO GREAT. I could not have done that a year ago.
Will I ever hit that 100 pound mark that meant so much to me last month?
Will I let my circumstances overshadow the joys in my life?
I am hurting and grieving still. There are days I can't believe I will never see my sister again and all I can do is cry. But, I don't go to the frig, I don't drive through for fast food and I will not go back to where I was. I will FEEL my feelings and not eat them. I still enjoy food, I always will, but I'm learning my limits and what I can and can't eat. It's been a great time for learning.
Some day the weight will start coming off again. But for today, it is OKAY that it's not.
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Well, it's been quite some time since I've added an entry. I just went back through and read all my old ones and they are really invaluable to me. It solidifies my thoughts, actions and path. I really was meant for this, right here, right now. You see on May 29th, it will be my first sparkversary and I am hoping to be down 100 pounds by then. I am currently at 93. I know its asking a lot, but I've worked so hard to get to this point and I know I can do it. Its a positive goal, not a negative daunting one.
The food tracking really has been key. When I don't track, I can tell. And I have learned so much about my self in the last year. It's been such an amazing journey, I can't even put it into words. This summer, I have a "bucket list" for my kids and I. I am SOOO excited for school to be out. Things I couldn't or wouldn't do before, I am charging ahead on and ready to tackle now. Last summer was a summer full of "the first time I ____ in a LONG time". It was a great feeling. I plan on continuing to do things I'd forgotten how to or just couldn't.
I wish I had journaled more though. This year has gone really quickly and the passing of my sister has just completely messed with all sense of reality. I was truly concerned that would be the thing that threw me completely off track, but it hasn't. It hasn't because I know that her passing was a direct affect of an unhealthy lifestyle. In her memory I eat healthy whole foods, exercise and do my best to soak in everything going on around me, good and bad. When people ask me when I am going to stop my diet, I vehemently answer this is not a diet, its my lifestyle.
Here's to a successful 3 weeks!!! ONE HUNDRED HERE I COME!
Fuzzy pic, but this was me yesterday, 93 pounds down at 236 pounds. Approximately 50 more to go.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
My sister passed away of a suddon pulmonary embolism 1/11/12. She was 35. It's been so very difficult dealing with the suddon loss of someone so close. That was almost 2 weks ago. The funeral set up and over, her house cleaned and paperwork found, crying, pain, saddness; all of it having an affect on the 75 pound progress I have made sine 5/29 of last year. I managed to lose 0.4 through it all, but now that I am back home in Ohio and my mom on her way back to New York from staying with us a couple of days, I find myself very empty.
Let the real work begin. My idle mind is very hard to handle. My sister was unfortunately very unhealthy. Having had bariatric surgery and gaining almost all of it back, having heart issues and not getting it checked, and then the smoking... I consider myself much more healthy than she ever was. That doesn't excuse the fact that I have 70 more pounds to lose!!! And, as I was afraid would happen, having that empty feeling after a loss so large, I have always filled it with food.
Like I said, now is where the real test of my strength comes in. Having had family so close during the funeral, I am now "alone" in Ohio with my husband and girls. Though my husband has been a saint through this all, he can't make decisions for me and eating. Stress, grief, sadness; it's harder with less support.
In my sister Sarah's name, may I find the strength to keep my focus on healthy living. I never want my kids to go through anything like this and I want to be there for them as long as I can.
Rest In Peace Sarah Sunshine. For your beautiful eyes, shining smile and true kindness, you will sorely be missed.
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