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Self Sparking

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

You have to believe.


Spent much of my life seeing the glass half empty instead of half full. I think that maybe, just maybe, I can make it to the other side. We all know that it is a much better place to be. It does mean accepting that not all things will be perfect, but good can be mighty fine. It also does not mean being in denial. You must be able to still see the flaws, to compensate for them..... But why focus and obsess on the negatives, when there are so many positives to see and recharge your batteries from.... (Can one be self sparking?)

If I believe I can, is that enough?

Seems like so many of us look to others to know what to believe and what is right. I want that warm and toasty feeling deep down that comes from the conviction (or is that faith) that things are right as they should be.

Can I find the heart, the soul and the commitment to get there?

I believe I can, even if no one else is there watching or telling me what to do.

"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not." ~ Oprah Winfrey

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4EVER21B 4/12/2011 7:20PM

    AMEN!!! emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 4/12/2011 3:52PM

    You've got to do this for you.
I'll be here rooting you on.
You're awesome.
Have a Sparkin' Day ... :-)
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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What does the future hold?

Saturday, April 02, 2011

I have no freakin' clue.....


Today I am okay with that.

I am exercising almost regularly. Eating really well. These are big accomplishments seeing that I was not living in my own house for most of last month. I am cooking for family and still managing to stay pretty much on the straight and narrow.

I feel better physically than I have in a long time. Don't have a paying job and let me tell you that is very scary. But I have savings that will last for some time. It is also very important for me to help out my family. (I am now my Dad's primary caregiver.) That may be for some time - as the stepmom is busy taking everything that she can and divorcing him.)

I credit this new found sense of calm with controlling what I can in my own life (with the direct and positive influence of SparkPeople). I now understand why regular exercise and good foods are so important. They help you stay balanced when the Tsunami hits.

Take note if you are having a bad day.

You can do it (just for you).

Make that extra effort to be good to yourself. I won't lie to ya and say that I am perfect.....LOL....because I am so NOT.... but I can say to you from the bottom of my heart. It is so worth the effort.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIT_TERI 4/4/2011 9:20PM

    Wait, are you saying you don't know what the future holds???!!!

ha ha !!!! Now that I think of it, having no freakin' clue is the only answer that makes sense. When we think otherwise is when we get surprised.

Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate taking care of your Dad. I hope all goes well for both of you. For now, it sounds like you properly value how important it is to take care of yourself.

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GEMINIAN1 4/3/2011 12:10PM

    aaaaaawwwwwwee look how cute you are.
You're a beautiful person.
Have a radical day.
Peace, Love, and Hugs ... :-)
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Has she been divorcing him this whole time or is that "new"?

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Rising Above It All!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I have been an infrequent visitor to SparkPeople these last several weeks.

OH how I have missed you all!!!!!

Not having easy Internet access and major Family priorities means that I have not been able to keep up so well with my Food & Exercise Trackers. Ooh - don't know about you but that keeps me honest (and gives me the chance to be successful in many ways on a day to day basis even as other things around me implode).

Thank you my Spark friends for your support, your positives and listening to me vent. I had made some comments, messages, and even a couple of Blogs about some of my family issues of late. The stress and injustice of things really has affected me - it came out in my communications. Sorry to those of you that I dumped on. I went back and deleted the blogs/comments/messages I could find because after some reflection, this did not really seem like the right place to dump all that nuclear waste built up from my family problems. Not really sure where to turn but I am now really trying to bike out my issues. It is helping.

There will be always be those in the world that take care of themselves at the expense and harm of others. They lie/manipulate/take from others to get what they think they need. Soulless, without a conscious, they use and feed off the rest of us. I believe in the animal kingdom they are called parasites.

It is hard not to lower yourself into the gutter to respond at their level. Doing the right thing, being honest and not giving up make me the better person. This is what I will continue to strive for. Also knowing that being nice/civil is a choice, but it does not make me weak. I CAN and Will continue to stand up for those that I love.

So onto the positives.... please join me!

Take the small victories (eating right, exercising regularly) along with life's joys - a beautiful day, a fun game of dominos with those that you feel safe with, laughter,
a newly decluttered room (gives you that wonderful Zen feeling) and the knowing that there is good still out there (even though it make seem out of reach at the moment.)

The light of the truth and goodness will shine eventually into all the dark corners.

Deep down I know that the truth will set us free!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDITHROXANA 3/31/2011 12:58PM

    Good job in turning the negative into positives. I understand you more than you know! Good for you for decluttering a room. I just worked on my room today and I feel so much better. Isn't it a great feeling? emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 3/29/2011 12:02PM

    I love that ... the truth will set us free.
I am a *big* fan of the truth.

Don't give up ... keep pushin' on.

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ANNCHER 3/29/2011 9:32AM

    Nice blog! Spark people helps me stay honest.
Have a good day!

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GASP!!! - I don't wanna be a runner

Monday, February 28, 2011

Go ahead..... put the hating on me....I can take it.


Okay, maybe not!

I do, however, promise to not hate you because you are or want to be a runner.
I support your wish/desire/obsession to pound the pavement. It burns tons of calories, you have lots of races to enter/milestones to hit (1K to 5K to miles and miles and then the Ironman????), it keeps you healthy and most important of all, it makes you feel GOOD! That last little bit I wish for you all!

I have been reading lots of Spark Pages and blogs. Trying to get motivated, inspired and learn from all your successes (and stumbles). So many people here run. However, I will never be one of you...... a Runner.

I love to walk. I love to hike. Strolling, sauntering, meandering, hell, even a skip or two are all good. But please don't make me run. My knees go ways that the great creator never really planned on and it hurts. No pain, no gain, you say? Ah....no thanks.... I plan on being able to walk until the end....sorry!

Thus, I am resigned to the fact that I will forever be looking in from the outside of your club. Looking in with some longing, maybe somewhat green tinged with envy because I don't like being on the outside. So I must find the club/the people/the passion to get my results another way. An alternative to the main stream.

What do you think?

Let the non runners of the world unite!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMI_SILVA 4/3/2011 4:15PM

    I thought I would never be a runner either. Just 3 yrs ago I was totally paralyzed with Myasthenia Gravis, and was just grateful that I could walk again. But . . . I just started walking. I naturally walk sort of fast, so I would walk as fast as I could on the days that I wanted to push myself. Then I got to the point that I would walk, but jog past the driveways and across the streets. Then, I was able to sprint instead of jog. Now I can jog or run for longer periods of time. Personally, I think it's a miracle.
However, just because you aren't, or can't be, a runner, don't let it keep you "out of the club". You walk and that is still in the foot to pavement club if you ask me. :) Always be proud of your accomplishments and never compare yourself to what someone else can do. I am a fierce competitor, but the only person I compete against is myself. I compete against my time of the previous weekend.
Push yourself to the limit of what YOU can do and enjoy the success of doing you best. We will all be here to cheer you on.

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FREELADY 3/1/2011 2:55PM

    I do appreciate your encouragement on my blog!

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ANNCHER 3/1/2011 10:53AM

    Any variety of exercising is good! I like to walk, hike or ride my exercise bike.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/1/2011 10:53:41 AM

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CHEVY63 3/1/2011 10:29AM

    Too true! I am definitely not a runner, but I am someone who gets in good exercise. Keep active - that's the most important.


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FIT_TERI 2/28/2011 5:26PM

    Running is only one way to get your heart rate up. There are plenty of others. I hope you aren't finding "haters" out there. If you love to walk and hike, then walking and hiking it is!!

Running does burn a lot of calories, but it also does take its toll on on your body - so everything needs to be considered. Plus, if you don't like it you won't do it. So do what you like!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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There is nothing wrong with walking!! Infact, sometimes you can walk faster than some of us (like myself) run! haha!

Running is something I never ever would have pictured for myself, had I not ran one summer when I got fit. I've never forgotten what it was like to feel like I was flying as I went around the track. The only time I feel that way now is when I sprint for 1-2 minutes at a time.. but I'll get there! I can run 3-4 miles at a time now at least, and to me? That is nothing short of amazing!

It is really addicting and the only thing that I know of that can leave you with a runners high afterwards! There are also various ways to run. Usually a good one is walk 1, run 1. It is supposed to be so much easier on the knees.

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HEALTHYAMS 2/28/2011 2:28PM

    I'm totally with you! I don't run either, but mine is because of medical reasons. Allthesame, I feel you when you talk about reading other people's blogs and getting or trying to get motivated from it. I would read some and be like - Man, if they can do it, I want to be able to do it some day. But running?? Yeah, no. That's not for me. The close I'll get to running is on the elliptical at the gym. That's pretty easy on the joints too, I love it.
But I know that cycling or walking are excellent forms of exercise, so I keep it moving with that.

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KALORIE-KILLAH 2/28/2011 2:07PM

    I totally 100% understand. I run because it is a quick way to burn Calories, my body can handle it (surprisingly!), and I enjoy the challenge of training for distance races. But, I'm not one of those people who easily calls themselves a runner, nor do I get that "runners high" that those running-obsessed folks claim they regularly experience.

It's not my favorite form of exercise at all, but when I finish running I have a sense of pride. Plus, going 2 miles running is so much faster than walking it, and I'd just rather get it over with!

No pain no gain? Nah. I never bought into that. If I have pain, I don't run. Hell, I barely do anything if I'm hurting, so running is definitely out of the question! If I had pain from it, I won't do it. Period.

So, I guess I'm somewhere in between. Waking up at 7am on a Saturday to go to my group run is awful. When we had group runs in the hail, snow, sub-freezing wind chill, etc... I wasn't a happy camper. I'm damn near grumpy when I'm starting my run. But, by the end, I'm enthralled. There are so many people out there who can run for hours and not get sick of it... and I'm definitely not one of them! But, if I have a half hour to kill and the weather is nice, I'll go for a run and enjoy it.

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Food Rewards

Saturday, February 26, 2011

All my life I can remember thinking about what yummy thing I was going to eat next. Seems like one of the best ways to reward myself was with food. I think about food alot. (ALOT!) It also seems like most of my family gatherings in the past and now focus on going out to eat or fun gatherings with all your favorites within reach (calling to you even....LOL).

I wonder how that habit got set? Even as a kid.... I remember thinking:
1) What was the treat that was going to be in the lunch box? There was always going to be a frozen sandwich thawing...ick, a piece of fruit - good, and a treat (potato chips, fritos, etc - the highlight of lunch).
2) What could I have as a snack when I got home?.
3) My girl friends and I pooling our funds for treats. It was worth the walk/bike to the store and blowing your allowance/baby sitting money. You know that it was ALWAYS for junk food and/or candy.

How do you retrain yourself to NOT think in terms of food rewards?

One of the primary reasons I exercise is so that I can eat more (or have something that I really want but would totally sabotage my daily calorie allowance). The really sad thing is that it does seem to work for me. Don't have any idea if that is good or bad.

Even now as I am typing this...in the back of my mind thoughts are racing around....something like...

It's 1:30ish now....that gives me about 5 hours to fit in a walk/bike/trip to the gym so that I can have that extra serving of delish pasta I made last night for dinner.......

So it goes....


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