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RACHELTEEHEE's Recent Blog Entries

Little, teeny-tiny, micro-update

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Just checking in!! Things are good. I feel like I'm progressing. My running program isn't one of complete diligence, but I'm getting in swimming and walking instead, so that's PROGRESS in my book.

I hope everyone's doing well. Love you all -- keep on trucking!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Good job. I'm working on progressing as well.

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MJ7DM33 6/5/2012 6:35PM

  Just keep on moving!

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What's shakin'?

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Well, it's been a weird couple of weeks. I alluded to some family drama about a week or so ago, and since then I actually went on a mini-vacation with them. It was just me, my sister, and my mom and dad.

It was a great trip.

My sister and brothers and I want to have a big old sit down talk with our parents, but the vacation made me feel a little more at ease about airing out all of our issues. So that's good.

Other updates - I've been keeping up with the Couch to 5K plan and that's been going really well! I feel great and I'm loving the challenge.

I'm not tracking my food as of late. I'm trying to rely on what I know (and have known for years now) about eating right and making good decisions. I HAVE IT IN ME TO EAT RIGHT. I'm not going to track food for the rest of my life -- it makes me just a little crazy. I do, however, need some structure and guidelines, so I'm working on typing up a list of those.

I went completely off sugar for about a year -- but recently I've been indulging occasionally. And that's awesome -- I'm proud of myself for being able to enjoy dessert OCCASIONALLY, and knowing that it doesn't have to turn into a binge.

These past few months have involved a LOT of soul searching for me - I'm slowly figuring out what it means to be Rachel and uncovering that awesomeness. Some of it is frustrating...but it's all worth it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    It sounds like you are doing great. Finding your own unique plan for success.

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FIERCE_FABULOUS 6/2/2012 12:00PM

    tracking food is hard to do all the time especially if you aren't home. try counting portion sizes of carbs, proteins, dairy, fats, fruits, and veggies. I think with an 1700 calorie a day diet, its 6 servings of carbs, 4 servings of protein, 4-6 servings of fruits and vegetables, 3 fats, and 3 dairy, but I am not 100% accurate on that. I used to see a nutritionist a few years back, and instead of counting calories, she would have me count portion sizes. It actually worked for me.

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Quick check-in.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

After a weird weekend with lots of family drama and emotional exhaustion, it's somehow Wednesday already and this week is nearly over.

The family drama is being addressed (and my siblings and I are going to get together with the parents to have a...meeting? intervention? kumba-ya circle?). But after discussing all of it with my therapist yesterday and exchanging a lot of really awesome emails with my brother and sister, I was WIPED THE F*CK OUT. I went to bed at 8:00 last night. No lyin'.

One thing I need to remember while going through all of this -- take time for ME. Walking/running/napping/meditating/cooking -- whatever it is, I need time to just sit with myself and decompress. And, y'know, that's probably good advice for, like, ALL THE TIME. I just forget to do that. I feel like I absorb everyone's emotions -- when I interact with anyone, I empathize and feel with and for them. That gets tiring.

So there's my goal for today and for the upcoming weeks. And I'd like to make sure that I post updates here more frequently. I need to stay connected here because it's good for me and MAKES me feel good.

Thank you for supporting me, Sparkfriends!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDDYMEESE 5/26/2012 5:29PM

    You've got this! I'm hoping to join a yoga studio when I start my job. I'm hoping that will force some stress relief. I'm not very good at doing that on my own. It would be amazing to be able to reach a place of meditation and really be able to release frustration and drama from our lives! Keep up the good work :)

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GARBLEDEEGOOK 5/24/2012 6:08PM


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    You really do need to take care of yourself all the time. I hope all the stress is over now.

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    Ugh family drama is draining. I hope that subsides, I hate when me and my family are at war lol. It drives me nuts and it really is overwhelming.

Good for you, you are taking time for yourself. You are important and you need a break!

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TENGELS82 5/23/2012 4:02PM

    Ugh, family stuff can definitely be a major drain. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Hopefully your siblings are a source of support rather than a drain? I'm right there with you, though, I empathize with people and take on what they're feeling and it's a lot sometimes. You're right on point in terms of what you need to do. Go for a walk, get a workout in, meditate, whatever it is that helps you best reset and let go of some of that bad energy. I hope things get better soon.

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    Sorry the family stuff is exhausting and glad that an intervention is on the horizon. Contemplating one of those myself in the future but I don't want to harsh my post-vacation mellow.

Definitely take time for you. It can be so easy to forget that we are only one person and being empathetic is nice but remember other peoples problems are theirs to solve because we all typically have enough of our own to deal with. ;-)

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I'm coming out.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Well, I just got back from a secular recovery group meeting. While I already knew what kind of addiction I deal with (compulsive overeating), this meeting left me feeling SO hopeful and SO clear-headed.

I'm not here to proselytize or preach, but I've definitely found a solution -- and that's to believe in MYSELF. To have faith that I KNOW what the answer is and that I'm NO LONGER POWERLESS.

For over a year, I went to OA meetings and told myself that I didn't have it in me to handle my food issues. That I was just in denial if I thought I could deal with the addiction all on my own. That recovery (real recovery) requires surrender to God -- even if I don't believe in one (or at least struggle with what that means). That I'm not strong enough. That I have to follow the steps and completely abstain and say the right words and go to meetings FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, IF I WANT TO RECOVER.

Well, I don't believe that anymore.

Here's what I DO believe. Here's what I DO know:

- I can rationalize my way through anything. I can make excuses till the end of time. But in the end, I want moderation and healthful, meaningful living. I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO AIM FOR THAT.
- I am strong enough. Dammit - I'm intelligent and insightful and when I'm empowered, I'm a force of f*cking nature. I'm so sick and SO tired of people telling me I'm powerless. That's just making it worse.
- I also know that the program can work for other people. And if they're happy - that's awesome. But I'm not going to put myself through it anymore. I'm grateful for where OA got me - it's made me stronger and more determined. But I've outgrown it.

It's time to grab the reins and take control. Because I can do it. I'm relying on myself, because you know what? Rachel knows what the hell she's doing. She's always known. This time? The only thing getting in the way is negative self-talk. F*ck that noise.

I want to get healthy, and that's what's going to happen.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFUSEDBIRD 5/21/2012 6:45PM

    Great to hear you sound so motivated and ready to take on the world!

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VIXSTERLU 5/17/2012 1:28PM

    YOU are STRONG!!!! And who are these people telling you that you are powerless??? You are more powerful than you know. Great blog!! Great job!!

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GARBLEDEEGOOK 5/17/2012 1:18PM

  I think you'll like this:

"Humanism is about the betterment of all humanity and the contemplation of what it is we wish to become. Itís about taking control of our own lives in the absence of divine intervention. And itís about taking responsibility for ourselves and doing the right thing."

source: http://ieet.org/index.php/IEET/more

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GARBLEDEEGOOK 5/16/2012 7:52PM

  To leave it all to a higher power is setting ourselves up for failure and have an excuse for when it does fail.

You are right, you have the power and there is only this life on earth so Carpe Diem!

emoticon emoticon

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    Reading this blog made me happy because I can hear how strong you are!
I have had my eating demons and I know it is a rough struggle. I never sought help myself so I commend you for seeking it when you did and I also commend you for taking control and dealing with this on your own and in a way that is good and healthy for you.

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RACHELTEEHEE 5/16/2012 3:40PM

    I certainly don't mean to sound intolerant of the help that any one kind of person finds. What works for me won't work for everyone else. I'm just super grateful that I've found something that makes me feel hopeful again, and strong enough to deal with my issues. :)

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    I'm so happy that you have found the help that you need. I think there is a program for everyone and this one most likely will be very objective which is important to me and it sounds like to you as well.

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MUFFIY831 5/16/2012 9:21AM

    That sounds awesome. Good for you for taking the journey and landing in a place of hope and (self) faith.

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Question for my Sparkrunning friends.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Do any of you own a Garmin? Is it worth it? What kind do you have?

I'm considering one, but I NEVER wear any kind of watch. I'm only just starting up running again, and would want something that's pretty low tech, but still informs me of mileage and pace (if that's even possible). I've heard the 305 is pretty cool, but if I can spend less, I'd be into that.

Thanks, kids!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFUSEDBIRD 5/21/2012 6:43PM

    I do have a garmin, I have the older big model from 2-3 yrs ago. I use it when doing really long runs but it makes my wrist sore. Ppl i know with the newer model say that its so confusing they hate it. I stick with Polar. I just use them as my normal watch. I had not worn a watch since I was a kid until I got my polar. Now I hate leaving it at home.

Comment edited on: 5/21/2012 6:43:28 PM

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    I think almost everyone has considered buying one. LOL.

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MUFFIY831 5/13/2012 5:08PM

    I have the Garmin Forerunner 405 Wireless GPS-Enabled Sport Watch with USB ANT Stick and Heart Rate Monitor and I *LOVE* it. There is a learning curve in figuring out how to use it but once you get the hang of it it's pretty easy. It gives you total time, pace, total distance, etc. and it does either a simple timer or intervals. I don't use the heart rate monitor part, but keep saying I'm going to try it.

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EDDYMEESE 5/13/2012 1:35PM

    I've always wanted a Garmin, too! I decided that a HRM was probably better for me because right now I'm running for health and not for distance. Of course, I've yet to get back to running...but graduation is nearing and until then I just won't have the time. But I am planning on a nice graduation gift to myself: a HRM! I use my iPhone for the GPS portion - runkeeper is a great app :)

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GARBLEDEEGOOK 5/13/2012 8:55AM

  When I ran I either used a plain vanilla watch or a Polar HRM. First HRM was an F11 which worked great but was really overkill imo (misplaced it) and F4 which was just right for exercising including running. I never found a use for GPS; you can map anything online to see mileage and calculate average stride.

In retrospect, I find myself second guessing a bunch of situation which usually never happen and wound up buying more than I need just because whatever we read about the product is designed to appeal to our "what if" persona so we buy it. All you have to do is read on basic psychology to see what they are doing :)

Imo, go with the strict basic watch for whatever type of running you intend to do and upgrade later if you must unless money is no object.

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