Sunday, December 30, 2012
Today was ok. i ate on program and felt genuinely hingry at dinnertime, so i ate a little and it was good.
Today I am going to make a list of things that I can do in the next 39 days to distract myself when hungry.
Make an upholstered headboard for myself and Duncan
Sew seat evers for dining room chairs.
Paint the small kitchen wall and duncans wall.
keep an exceptionally lean house
look into volunteering
try hot yoga
wii dance game
I hope that this is enough. I struggle in the evening and need soething to keep me out of the pantry.
Cross your fingers'
Friday, December 28, 2012
Loading day today.
Loading is harder than you think that its going to be. When you first learn about it you think...all that i can eat of anything i want? Yes please! But after a day of chips and dip, McDonalds, whipped cream, cheese and chocolate, I have never felt worse. Even my neanderthal of a co-worker noticed that I wasn't feeling or looking well today. So it must be really bad.
For the record, I have a headache, gas, stomach cramps, muscle aches and I think that I might actually smell like grease. Its totally gross. I have to do it for one more day, then I get to quit eating almost all together.
Also for the record, I don't eat like this in my real life. I am almost 100 pounds overweight and i really don't eat things that are all that bad for me. I never have chips and dip, don't care for chocolate really and cook low fat. I over eat healthy foods. That's my issue. So today has been a really shift in my diet.
I know that there is some kind of hokey science behind the loading, but honestly I think it might be a little like the " kid caught smoking has to sit in a closet and smoke a whole pack" therapy. If i can hold on to even a little memory of how bad I fell today, I will be able to get over the next 39 days.
As far as as the next 39 days go, I have to keep reminding myself that IT IS ONLY 39 DAYS! I can do anything with 39 days. I have to use the next 39 says to my best advantage. I have to teach myself how to eat only when hungry. To stop eating when Full. To use food as fuel, not as comfort or an activity. I am nervous about being bored.
As a single parent, I am home a lot in the evening, by myself. My son goes to bed at 8:30, and after that i am on my own. I am going to have to find a hobby, or a good book, or a new tv show to love, so that I can distract myself from wanting to munch. I have tried knitting, crafting, scrapbooking, but none have done it for me. I better come up eth something fast though. the eating stops tomorrow.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I am about to start my very first HCG protocol with "Goodbye my Muffintop" Vibrational HCG drops. When I first heard of HCG drops I figured that they must be a ploy or a money grab because wrote off most "get thin quick" plans as such.
Except. My friend Kelly had done a few rounds and really had success. 60 pounds of success. I could use some success like that.
I am a single, working mother, who, lets face it, is keeping her head above water, but sometimes it feels like its just barely. I have a good job, own my home and love my life. I don't even really hate my body that much. I get dates with smart attractive men who also have good jobs and own their homes. So, overall...not too shabby.
Except. My ex-husband, (who no one needs to feel sorry for, for so many reasons) is getting married again. Fine. My job was a little shaky there, but has firmed up again, and I have just learned of a new, more exciting prospect, but that too would mean change. Great. And then there was the holiday stress. 15 people in my brothers 700 square foot house? Super! Top all that off with being fat? I was starting to feel like I wasn't in control of anything. So, I bought the drops.
They weren't cheap. 200 bucks to be exact. I couldn't even really afford them. I bought them just before Christmas, just when fees were due for swimming and karate and dance (all for my son and non negotiable). But I bought them anyways, knowing that if I bought them I wouldn't figure out a way to not do this protocol. Plus, if someone offered to take 30 pounds away and all you had to do was pay them 200 dollars, you would, wouldn't you? I did. There's more to it than that, of course, but put like that it was a bit of a "no brainer".
So tonight I will measure my body, just as it is, take my before pictures and dive in with nothing but hope and 200 dollars worth of weight loss potion.
The basis of my journey will be to really examine my relationship with food, and trying to teach myself to eat only when hungry and to stop when full. I do ok with eating when I am hungry, its the stopping that i struggle with. I like a big portion. And I like that portion to be of cheesy potatoes. Go figure.
I think that I will also struggle with drinking enough water. Don't ask me why, but I am often thirsty. I am thirsty right now, sitting, literally 5 feet from my fridge, with ice and water in the door, and I am not getting up to get a drink....Ok, I just got one. Phew. But that's going to be hard for me.
I also expect to have trouble at work. I work with all men, and do not plan on telling anyone at work what I am doing. they are not the most enlightened bunch and I don't feel the need to let them in on this part of my life.
So... this blog might be my best chance to vent and let go of the frustrations during the next 42 days. Tomorrow I will post the results of my measurements and weigh in, as well as the "before" pics.
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