Monday, January 23, 2012
I have spent my entire life being a people pleaser. I did everything I could to make sure everyone around me is happy...everyone except myself. As I felt that I didn't do enough to make others happy, or it wasn't appreciated, I would get depressed, and would eat. I just didn't care about myself. I didn't like the person who I was, and therefore it reflected off of me. I don't feel beautiful, and I want to make sure that I SEE MYSELF as beautiful. I understand that beauty isn't just about being thin, but I want to see myself as healthy. I don't think beautiful is sitting on the couch, stuffing chips ahoy in your mouth crying over how you are single when you don't put yourself out there as a confident person. I've noticed just in the past few weeks that I've felt more confident in myself, and am working on ME, that I'm getting a positive response just in how people talk to me. I'm such a social person, so I need to put that confidence in my social interactions. I'm not asking to be a size 0, I know with my bone structure, that that is probably not a possibility, but I don't want to be. I just want to get down to a size where I am not restricted to shopping at Lane Bryant or Torrid because I simply can't find stylish clothes in my size. I'm 26, I want to be down to a reasonable weight by the time I turn 30. I know that if I keep my mind to it, I can definitely lose it before then, I just have to stay focused. And I have to also learn how to tell others NO. Its not all about them, this life is about me too.
Sunday, January 01, 2012
I am almost embarrassed to show this picture, but at the same time, I guess this is what everyone is looking at all the time. I was looking through my pictures from last night's New Years Eve party and I came across this photo that someone took of me. I would be lying if I said that I didn't cry when I saw this picture. I have just been too out of control and my body shows it here. I will push through and lose this weight! I WILL! I will NOT have any pictures like this ANYMORE! My legs look absolutely disgusting and just makes me want to cry. But sitting here cryin about it is not going to get the weight off my legs.
Time to make a healthier life for myself in 2012. STARTING NOW!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
As I look through my blogs, I keep seeing 'I'm back on track, I'm back on track.' But clearly I was not focused. I've had a lot of ups and downs the last few months. I started my doctoral program in August and excelled. I received a 4.0 GPA for the semester, but I also lacked on my weight loss progress. When I started September I had lost over 35 lbs. I have now gained 10 lbs back and am looking to get rid of that PLUS more. I lost the ability to work out for awhile because I decided to take a fitness bootcamp class and got hurt the first day. Jammed my vertebrae and was instructed by my physical therapist NOT to work out. I did what I could by walking, but the stress of being hurt and sick drove me to start snacking on all my favorite foods again. But 2012, I wanna see a difference in myself, and I wanna get rid of this extra weight!!! And I want to finish a Biggest Loser Challenge, so I am going to! I am going to follow this season's biggest loser as well as doing my challenge on my 300+ team, and hope to see results!! And I'm hoping to maybe find someone who wants to do this journey along with me via text or email, i'm ready to commit to 2012!!!
Happy New Year All!!
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
I am back. After weighing myself on the scale and seeing that I gained 10 lbs, and am back over 300 lbs, I decided NO MORE. I let school and emotional issues get in the way of my ultimate goal. I need to find time for ME. And that is what I am doing. My friend and I signed up for a 1 month bootcamp class to get us motivated and back in the game, and we start today! I am super pumped! My partner is taking me to Vegas in March and want to look damn good! So here's to me losing this weight!!
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