Friday, April 16, 2010
Whoooooo .... I am now at the heaviest I have ever been. I don't know if you remember that hip injury I wrote about a while back, but that's still not totally gone. I got the OK to exercise probably 8 months ago, but I still haven't had the heart to go again. Exercise is not on my brain any more and it's back to feeling like an "extra," not a "must-do." I remember when I exercised frequently it just made sense. Now, I can't help but feel like it's a waste of time because I have so much stuff to do. Bad thinking! I need to change my thinking.
It kills me that I was 10lbs away from my goal weight and now I'm 10 lbs heavier than I have ever been. But, I did it once, I can do it again!
In other news, I've been doing an internship at the alumni magazine for the college I'm attending. This is my dream to have a writing job! I haven't enjoyed the internship very much, unfortunately. It was too much work and it was an unpaid position. A few of the people were very unfriendly and I didn't feel like I learned much. But, it was good experience to put on my resume. I'm not sure where I'm going now! The internship ends in about 2 weeks. Where to go from there? I don't know. I need a paying job and I really want one in my field (writing/editing). Something will come through, I just know it!
This is the 965th time I've "restarted" here on SP. Hopefully, this time I will stick with it!
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Over-worked, over-weight, over-tired, over-burdened, over-extended, overwhelmed ...
Under-nourished, under-appreciated, under-valued, under pressure ...
Dissatisfied, discouraged, disconnected, discombobulated, disorganized ...
But, I'm still here. I'm not giving up.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I'm still here. Going crazy - but I'm still here. I've gained back all the weight I've lost. I'm back to nearly 170. It's horrible, but it is what it is. I'm trying to get back on track ---- again.
Sorry for how long I've been gone. I've been thinking of you guys and wondering how everyone is doing. Miss you!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Big shocker. When I weighed myself this morning the scale said I'd lost four pounds. I haven't seen any weight loss in many, many weeks so this came as quite a surprise. I'm not convinced that the scale wasn't lying to me. Sometimes it plays tricks on me. I think I need a new scale. Anyways, so I'm just telling myself not to be upset over next week's weigh-in if it says I've "gained weight."
That being said, I had a very good week eating-wise. It was the best week I've had in a long time. I didn't go out to eat, indulge in desserts, or snack on bad things. I actually had a couple days without any soda this week, too. Of course, I only drink diet soda, but I still don't wish to be ruled by my cravings. Drinking iced tea has really helped with that. I guess there's just enough caffeine in my tea to help me get by without my soda. Oh! I even managed to not eat any cake at my in-laws last night. I don't think they were very happy with me for skipping the cake, but that's their problem, I guess.
One thing that I discovered recently are these fruit popsicles made with splenda. At Kroger it's a package of 12 for about $2.50 and they're only 35 calories each. They actually are made with real fruit, so they have great flavor. It's my new favorite thing.
My hip has been hurting me a lot in the last couple days. It's very discouraging. I keep on thinking that I'm almost recovered, but then I'll be laid up on the couch again. :::::sigh::::
I've tried something new on the non-weight loss front. I've been spending a lot of time beating myself up for everything that I'm not getting accomplished. Some of those beatings are reasonable, but most of the others are just not fair to myself. I can't expect everything to be perfect all the time. That's just a fact of life. So, I've started making a list of things I've accomplished every day. It's amazing how much this has changed my outlook. I've also tried thinking of every day as an opportunity. I feel a lot happier than I have in a while.
I'm still reeling from the awesomeness of the new Star Trek movie. It kicked some serious butt! It's now my favorite movie. Oh my God, if I get started raving about this I'll never stop. You just have to go see it if you haven't seen it already.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Here I am again to say that I am restarting. I wish I knew how to get a "true" restart. That kind of restart where you're excited and willing to happily do what it takes to succeed. You know, how it usually is at the beginning of a diet.
My hip is still bothering me. I've had this hip tendonitis since November. Every time I get almost recovered I do something and end up "re-injuring" it. Sometimes even simple stuff like walking is painful. I'm still getting treatment, but I'm running out of benefits with the health insurance. Fun, fun, fun. Under advice from my doctor, I had to stop exercising.
Between the lack of exercise and how crappy I've been eating I've gained 15 lbs (!!!!). I feel stupid. I was only ten pounds away from my goal and I blew it.
My husband and I will hit our 5 year anniversary soon, so we decided to SPLURGE on a 7 day cruise. Yeah, look at us go! I'm afraid all of those buffets on the cruise contributed to those 15lbs I put on, sadly. We went to the Caribbean & Mexico just as hamthrax was turning into a big deal. We're totally healthy -- except for all the over-indulging we participated in.
Oh, and I cut my hair! I've been looking for a new job and some people gave me feedback that my super-long hair might put off potential employers. My hair was about 5-6 inches past my butt. Yeah, it was seriously long. I LOVED my long hair, but it was time to let it go. Now it's a little shorter than halfway down my back. I still haven't gotten a job yet, but at least I know they won't turn me away because they think I have a screw loose. I donated my cut hair to one of those organizations that use hair to make wigs for cancer patients.
I've got to get my act together.
I can't believe I blew it and gained 15lbs. The "sticker shock" has really given me some impetus to improve my eating and exercise habits. I guess you've got to start somewhere. :)
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