RACHAELANN810   7,012
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Keep repeating this to myself...

Saturday, January 04, 2014

Do I really want to start over and plow thru the emotional pain that caused my weight gain, and my procrastination with goals well intended? Do I have the energy to pull it together, to hold it together and stop worrying about the "yeah but's"... Do I want to stop giving the past over to my present? Do I want to find my true identity, not the one I was told I was. Hell yeah! My fight is back, not for my past but for my future. Am I scared, you bet.

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PEZMOM1 1/4/2014 8:02PM


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GK1963 1/4/2014 11:07AM

    You can do it!

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Humbled myself today...

Friday, September 27, 2013

Sooooo I realized that I have not been the best at losing and it is because I can get rather complacent and find all kinds of excuses to be just that.

I have lost a total of 16 lbs in 16 mnths time. I re adjusted my start time as I had put it at Dec 2012 it was I think the 5th time I started back up on SP. But I decided to put it back to my original date around April 2012 as a reminder. This was an accountability to myself.

I have had to get pretty honest and ask myself "How bad do I want this?" "Am I truly willing to do the footwork?" "Can I remind myself that excuses are only good for sabotaging." "Can I accept that life will sometimes get in the way but I am to keep going, not to the best of my ability as that runs into complacency, but better than my best." "Can I look at two steps forward and one step back in reverse, One step back but two steps forward.?" (read that in an article) "Can I look in the mirror and instead of seeing an overweight woman's flaws , see an overweight woman accomplishing good habits and good health that will have huge payoffs." "Can I accept the fact that I deserve a better quality of life." It is easy to say Yes! But it is another to integrate it into daily life. It is about believing and having those beliefs become as natural as breathing. That is my new goal more important than beating a deadline to lose weight. It is about believing that I can step out of the old behavior into the new for a good quality of life both physically and emotionally.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Yes, I agree, and being truthful and honest with ourselves brings it all out into the light where we can take a real good look at it emoticon

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RACHAELANN810 9/27/2013 12:29PM

    Thanks for the comments! There is so much good information on this site. I think that and communicating with others, and yea, letting your guard down a bit helps.

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FEMISLIM 9/27/2013 9:01AM

    Results are output of of input!!!!

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TERRY0217 9/27/2013 6:38AM

    It's so easy to get complacent...we try and try and hope to see results quickly, but, one thing my trainer told me...it took years of bad habits ...living an unhealthy lifestyle...it will take some time to become fit and obtain a healthy lifestyle...'
habits take 28 days to bread and it's not easy...that's why we are hear for each other to support and motivate each other...

together... emoticon

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    I have only just joined recently and found that this website has all the resources and support I need to motivate me to lose weight - the rest is up to me! I have tried and failed with weightloss for the past 2 years. For some reason this time is different - I have been open and honest with my blogging and I am accountable for myself. Above all a light bulb moment occured for me and I can now see the formula or technique required to actually lose weight. Excuses are no longer an option for me as I have broken through my denial and I can now see which parts of my eating/drinking are due to emotional baggage etc. and (like you) I am looking at ways to change my behavour in these areas so I don't sabotage myself and my weight loss goals). I can no longer fool myself.
What a wonderful journey we are both on !! emoticon

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Deep Breath, one step at a time..

Monday, September 02, 2013

I have been off of the site for a month. I went into a depression because I was overwhelmed. I am in the process of starting up a business and that requires me to have faith in myself which given my history is lacking. My only child moved just recently to Texas. Letting go has been quite a process and has made me look at a few things about myself. We have never been further than 10-15 min apart. He is 26. I think I am understanding the empty nest syndrome. This is good for him and good for me but a little scary as now I have just me to focus on.....deep breath.... I got complacent on this site and from doing that I realized I was giving up a large support system. Even though it is on-line for those that have reached out, it has meant the world to me. I thank you. I started counseling to deal with some PTSD issues. (diagnosed way before pubic awareness of this disorder.) Which I have rarely shared with anyone but is the basis of me more times than not following thru on what I start. I am scared. Now it is time for me to rebuild my support and focus on directly what is in front of me. Baby steps....I deserve a decent life and I want to pay it forward and share with others what I learn as I go. I have nothing to lose but the weight and my fears.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARNETTELEE 9/2/2013 3:38PM

  Welcome back. I know that feeling of empty nest, but it is good for your son to be on his own. Take the time to invest in yourself and soon you'll be feeling great!

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CAROL494 9/2/2013 3:13PM

  emoticon emoticon

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The Gates of Hell

Thursday, April 18, 2013

I previously posted on my Facebook page that I had entered the "gates of hell" when I had to get a tetanus shot for a large nail that had gotten stuck in my foot. Because it was around my chicken pen it was whole heartedly suggested I get one. Four hours later, I came out with a totally different perspective...who would have thought....I had to write about it on FB when I got home or I never would have gotten to sleep. For me, it was a moving and humbling experience.

Finally home from County Hosp. Dogs given treats, cats petted and Herb tea in my mug. I felt compelled to write. Don't know who will read this but that's OK just wanted to write...

I feel like I have to apologize for my "gates of hell" comment on previous FB post. When I first registered at the hosp. It was busy, there were folks that were, well, not OK mentally as well as physically. As I sat there for a total of four hours, I tried to tune it out by reading my book as I sat myself next to a guy who looked like he was gang member...until I heard him call his girl friend and ask her to buy cookies so he could have some when he got home. The smile he had when she told him she had already gotten him chocolate chip, was priceless. We struck up a conversation and I no longer saw the outward look of toughness but the person, he wanted cookies, it was awesome. Another woman sat down next to us, very haggard by a hard life. When she sat she just opened up and told us part of her story, she needed to talk. Her husband had a heart attack and they were hitting really hard times, they were at risk of losing the home they rent.... As the guy and I were listening I was observing an elder gentleman running around with one purple surgical glove on and just his shirt and boxers..he wanted to take things that people had, like magazines and such..he was very confused. Everyone in the waiting room showed amazing patience towards him. The staff kept gently guiding him back to his wheel chair. Obviously county hospital is not exactly a mecca for the well to do, there is a rougher crowd here but, question came to me; how many people actually stop to think about the life circumstances that happened to these folks that may have gotten them homeless, addicted or challenged with mental illness? So many assume that their circumstance is by choice. It is not always that cut and dry. I found myself asking my own self, honestly how much time and energy have I spent looking "down" at someone rather than looking "at" someone because of how rough or unkempt they may look?

When I got in the examination area, one woman picked a fight with the charge nurse and had to be asked to leave by the sheriff on duty. They keep resident sheriffs there. But even with all the running around the nurse had to do, she kept her composure. She understood the patients she worked with, she kept her compassion along with a great sense of humor. In the next room an M.D. was trying to talk to a Hispanic patient in English, the patient was trying very, very hard to understand but you could tell he was getting embarrassed. The M.D. realized it and without missing a beat, broke into perfect Spanish which eased the whole situation as the patient was pretty ill. That to me was another act of kindness, the doc didn't sigh and out of frustration ask, "Do you speak any English at all?" He just transitioned his next series of questions in Spanish. I have worked medical and dental for 34 yrs, I have seen some real jerks in the industry. I was impressed and touched by what I saw in such a harried environment.

Tonight, I caught myself instantly assuming the roll of judge thus my comment; I entered the gates of hell and my action; hiding behind a book. When I put the book down and engaged, I was embarrassed by my attitude. When I decided to look at what I was observing from a stand point of "openness" I was no longer through the gates of hell but a place that held a valuable life lesson of tolerance, compassion, respect and patience. I am humbled.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NHES220 5/2/2013 7:43PM

    I hope your foot is healing up. It is like my sister says, you just never know what goes on in anyone else's house. Good for you for taking an step back and not judging, so few people have the ability to realize that is what they are doing. But at the end of they day there is nothing better than being thankful for being back in your own house with a mug of tea and the comfort of our family and pets.

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GK1963 4/22/2013 5:34PM

    Bless you.

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COLLEENROSTE 4/18/2013 3:09AM

    the eyes and ears of your heart were awakened at a whole new level in that ER- and you will be forever changed. You will always look past the exterior now and the world will be a better place, because you have become a better person. healing hugs for you and your foot too. Colleen

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ARTICLILY 4/18/2013 1:50AM

    I am sorry you got hurt. I hope your foot feels better soon. Tetnus shots are no fun. I had to have one after running a nail through my thumb. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes I get more of an insight to my inner peace when i write (type) it out... Secondly who cares if anyone or 1000 people read it. Its what we keep inside that keeps us from reaching our goals.


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Virginias Letter To Santa Claus

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

From an article that I read and wanted to share.

Well over 100 years ago, shortly after her eighth birthday in July, 1897, a young New Yorker named Virginia O'Hanlon put pen to paper in hopes of settling an argument she'd been having with some of her little playmates: Is there in fact a Santa Claus? She sent her brief letter to the New York Sun because, she explained, "Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'"
Weeks passed without response from the newspaper, which apparently misplaced the letter. Young Virginia had just about given up hope. But on September 20, Edward P. Mitchell, the Sun's editor, handed it to veteran writer Francis Pharcellus Church with instructions to craft a reply for the next day's edition. Church had seen the worst of mankind, having covered the Civil War for the New York Times. But the editorial that he crafted conjures man's best angels, which explains why it's the most reprinted editorial ever.

Here's Virginia O'Hanlon's original letter:

DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old.
Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus.
Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.'
Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

And here, in full, is the unsigned editorial which Church penned:

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.
Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.
Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.
You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Have a wonderful day everyone.


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DIANE7786 12/25/2012 10:54PM

    It's been a few years since I've read that letter. I love it.. Everything is about attitude. Thanks for sharing.

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