Saturday, August 03, 2013
Special Spark Thanks to Bikecook and Candik48 for their recent encouraging words. You helped bring me back here today.
Things have been going...okay! I had a long hard day for a fibro person, yesterday, but I accomplished stuff. This was the second time in recent memory that I've had a busy, productive for me, day. I didn't do much that would strain a healthy person. I visited my relatives at a park. And after an hour, I was ready to go home.
But, it had been my suggestion that we all meet there, so I wouldn't have to drive as far. So, instead of bailing, I suggested we take the party indoors, to a nearby attraction. This meant we could avoid the worst of the Florida heat. To my surprise, there was general agreement to my suggestion and I was able to spend another hour watching the kids climb around on an indoor playground while I drank a frosty beverage and talked to my sister and nieces. The drive and the heat combined to wear me out and triggered a number of cramps during the night. But, I did it.
And so I feel that the time in the pool is helping to strengthen me, even if it is exhausting to face it every second day. I look forward to the day when "daily exercise" might be possible. Though, today, I shall rest.
Friday, July 26, 2013
So, I continue my spark streak of posting blog entries to no real purpose. But, I did have a dip in the pool today, despite the creeping exhaustion. Now, I'm sore and tired. And I really need to eat something. But, alas, I have no energy.
Still, I suppose I must keep at it. For the good of my joints.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Yesterday, I engaged in a silent meditation for 20 minutes. It was difficult for me to focus on my breathing for 20 minutes, because my mind kept trying to entertain me. It wasn't worrying; it was creating stories and dialogue. And the weird thing is, while I am writing a story, this wasn't dialogue from my story. This wasn't thinking about something else, but simply...thinking. My mind was doing stuff on its own...as an entertainment. Sort of eye-opening that idea, because it means my mind is always writing, even when I'm not aware of it. Perhaps, especially when I'm not aware of it. This could be meaningful for my overall sense of self.
But, anyway, this morning, I decided to try the moving meditation as I exercised in the pool. I tried to focus on what my body was doing and where I was and I had some success. I had never noticed before how the light at the bottom of the pool, the wave reflections, looks like lightening cracking across the sky. I had never noticed that the individual tiles on the edge of the pool have no set pattern. I had just assumed they were laid out in a repeating configuration of some kind...but they are not, they are random white, blue, dark blue tiles. The only pattern I could find was that no two of the white and dark blue tiles are next to one another. And I also focused on the weight and softness of water, which is quite cool and lovely in the morning. Time went by and I exercised and I focused on that alone, so I was more relaxed.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Yesterday, I had one of those rare days you get with Fibromyalgia where you wake up in excellent health. I felt good, normal. I had slept, you see, thanks to a cocktail of tryptophan and magnesium taken at just the right time. Timing is critical with that mix, because at the wrong time it can make me too jittery to sleep. But, this one was perfect and out I went for the night.
So, when I awoke, I was full of energy. And I started doing things. And people around me went..."WHA--?" So, I told them all that I'd "woke up crazy" and was just going to go with it. I did the laundry. Usually, this means crawling my slow way to the laundry room with one load of essential underclothes and a few shirts. I did THREE loads. All of the laundry that needed doing, in other words. Then, I made some lunch. Yes, actually cooking food for myself. Then, I did a run to the library. On the way I noticed that my car hadn't been cleaned in a year. The floor mats were full of leaves and dirt and such that comes in on our shoes. There were some coffee smudges and grime on the leather. So, I broke out the hand vac and some wipes and gave it a good once over, tossing out stray bits of paper and water bottles that had found their way under the seats. Then, since I had the vacuum out, I spruced up the house a bit.
It was an amazing day, really. And I was sore last night, but not too bad. Today, I'm immobile again, but at least I have a cleaner car and no clothes in the hampers, which hasn't been the case in far longer than I can remember. YAY! For good days...may they come more often into my life.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Acceptance of the way things actually are is the first step toward change according to many philosophers. So, I need to look at the situation I'm in at the current moment.
I didn't have a difficult night. I had less pain yesterday and I managed to fall sleep. I was still awake at 4:30 am, but I nodded off some time after that and slept until 9:30 am. So that was a good four to five hours on the couch. I did wake up with some pain due to my slumping posture on the couch. Then, I moved back to the bed and slept until 12:30 pm. I woke with a cough, so I have to assume I had apnea episodes during the night. But I am better rested than usual.
However, it is now 2:30 and I haven't eaten anything. I can't muster up the motivation/energy to get up from this chair. Worse, my sister is waiting for me to pick her up (her car is broken down) so I won't have time to fix my oatbran breakfast. Well, I might have decided not to do this post...but...I would have needed to go into the kitchen and lift pots and measure out ingredients. No energy for that. So, I am doing this as a stab at being motivated.
Probably I will pick up something like a dunkin' donuts biscuit sandwich as I head to my sister. And I will need a cream and sugar laced coffee to wake myself up enough to drive. Later I will have a sensible dinner, salmon and broccoli. It is easier to cook once I've moved around a bit. But I might also have something sweet to fend off exhaustion, again. Probably a very large bakery brownie. That will lead to reflux, which will effect my sleep.
I might nod off around 10:30 pm, but I will fend off sleep because my beloved won't be home until 12:30 am and I want to be there for him. He might not care if I go to sleep, because he understands my struggles. But this is the only time we get to share, because he is very regulated on his time when he wakes up at 1:00 pm. So, we do not generally have couple time except after his work. I should go to sleep by 2:30 am if I mean to get up by 10:00...and eat and exercise. But to do that, I have to eat foods that encourage sleep.
I wonder where to start on this journey to becoming a person who sleeps, eats, exercises, has more energy and enthusiasm to just live. Assuming I am never going to have less pain or be less exhausted, I still must motivate myself to eat properly and rest more.
While writing this all out is very embarrassing, I can already see some things I might try to change my patterns. I could eat my oatbran at night, which would help me avoid eating chocolate. I could take a nap at 10:30 pm. and then get up like they used to do in the middle ages to socialize. I could try to exercise in the morning before I try to cook, as that will help my stiffness. I could try only having toast or a smoothie for breakfast, so I didn't have to cook. Or maybe a protein bar and coffee. I could make very good coffee at home to avoid going to the bakery. Currently, I only have instant coffee at home. But a coffee machine is probably less expensive and might help stimulate me in the morning.
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