Monday, July 04, 2011
I AM AN EMOTIONAL OVER-EATER!!
Trust me, this is NOT just about the negativity in life. It's also about celebrating the good things that life throws your way.
Think about this....
How many 'work meetings' have you attended where they did NOT provide food or drink?
How often do you gather with friends or family and your time together is NOT centered around "what shall we eat"?
My negative emotional eating blocked my pain, sadness, abuse, discomfort, boredom, loneliness and insulting comments.
But I also dealt with positive emotions, like: celebrating a raise, getting a promotion, starting a new job, having another birthday, reaching a milestone, the sun shined, the wind blew, I received a compliment....
I think you get the point I'm trying to make ~ I ate and I didn't know how to stop!!
While home-bound this past winter, my best friend was bringing me groceries. He never questioned what was on my list, until that one day when he noticed the bag of cereal I had ordered from the previous week had been consumed.
He commented, "that bag had 15 servings and it's gone?"
I replied, "you've known me for over 30 years and you never knew that I was an emotional over-eater?"
OMG ~ what did I just declare? Not only had I acknowledged my problem, but I said it OUT LOUD???
It truly was a baby step forward onto my healthy journey. I recognized my fault, acknowledged it and then shouted it from the roof-top!!
Let the healing begin....
At that moment I realized I didn't have the temptations involved with grocery shopping ~ you know those little tidbits that always manage to jump into your cart, but are never on your shopping list.
I seized the opportunity and the next list did NOT contain: crackers, pizza, or sugar-coated cereal. Gradually the list grew to include: fresh fruit, fresh veggies, and healthy meat like chicken and fish.
On one delivery he even mentioned "how proud he was of me" and I didn't automatically shove food in my mouth. I just blushed and said, "Thank you!"
FEELING EMOTIONS ~ what a new concept!!!
I have no tricks up my sleeve or any magical tips in over-coming this emotional side of eating. There are many times that I reach for food ~ especially when I experience mindless eating.
A big part of my success ~ I don't set myself up for failure. I don't have the temptations that I know I cannot resist. If I'm going to shove food in, to comfort an emotion, my choices are apples, pears, nectarines, cantaloupe, carrots, green beans, pea pods, fish or chicken.
I still get bored, am lonely, am happy and will always be challenged with mobility issues. But I'm also seeking other ways of dealing with those emotions ~ like volunteering my time.
Genealogy and quilting are a BIG part of my life! Through quilting, I'm providing quilts for children with cancer and newborns in need.
With my genealogy, I've been volunteering my time with Familysearch.org in providing new resources ~ the current project: 1940 Federal Census - will be available in 2012.
I will often help others with their family trees ~ I just LOVE the hunt & search!!
Now I sometimes get so wrapped up in an activity that I forget to eat ~ too bad THAT scenario didn't happen more in my lifetime!! LOL
I'm not certain I will ever be cured from emotional eating.
But each time I can "fill the need" with another activity, the hurdle becomes less challenging and I look forward to the day when it is just a bump in the road...
Saturday, July 02, 2011
There is a secret buried deep within the crevices of my being. Many years ago, I built a sheltering wall around me. Food was my "tool of comfort" and any time I experienced negativity, frustration, rejection, abuse or sadness ~ I slipped deeper and further beneath another layer.
Years passed by and those "walls of protection" were also keeping me from the things I desired the most.
The year that my best girl-friend and grandmother died, was when I slipped into deep depression. I didn't really care if I lived or died...life moved on around me at lightening speed and I stood still and motionless.
My doctor enrolled me into group therapy and for 10 months I hid in the shadows, not really contributing to the group. Then one night, a young man shared how he had just lost his best friend. With tears streaming down my face, I stood up, crossed the room and put my arms around him ~ hugging him as he wept on my shoulder.
It was a turning point, I slowly began to break down that sturdy fort I had built around me. In talking about my past, I was slowly starting to find that woman buried deep within.
Thirty years have passed by and that woman hasn't fully emerged to the surface. But I'm gradually starting to see the light of day break through the crevices of my armor.
Many months have gone by since joining Spark People. But one of the biggest accomplishments I've made on this journey was admitting that I am an emotional over-eater!
It's another baby step forward, towards my healing process as I have started to FEEL my emotions, instead of eating through them.
While challenging myself to improve my life, I'm learning to appreciate, trust and use my intuition. I am heading down the path of my healthy journey ~ one hurdle at a time.
"And out of the gentle wrapping of that which lived within the cocoon, came the very magnificence of the butterfly. The transformation was slow, sometimes filled with painstaking moments. But the growth, the beauty and the glory of the shedding of that which bound her tight was worth the one moment...when she burst forth into the world." ~Cougar Wisdom
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Tuesday afternoon, when the anticipation of pre-surgery jitters hit....I called a couple friends. I actually FELT my emtions. This was a HUGE step for me....instead of comforthing myself with food, I reached out and talked about my feelings. I kept busy, trying to keep my day as normal as possible.
When I walked into the hospital Wednesday ~ I had a good nights rest and felt confident it would be a "good day". Another big first....my anxiety was at it's lowest.
From the time they rolled me into the operating room ~ till I was returned to my room, less than 30 minutes had passed. It was by far one of the easiest surgery I have ever experienced.
I was given a small dose of Valium to "take the edge" off, yet I was awake through the whole procedure. My doctor was by my side talking to me and telling me the whole procedure, as she was preforming it. Her voice was very soothing and quite comforting.
This morning, I headed into the doctor's office to have the pressures in my eyes checked. The technician also checked my vision. That old fuzzy 'big E' of yesterday, is now very sharp and clear. After only 20 hours of surgery, my vision is 20/25 and should continue to improve (as my eye is still dialated).
I always thought my left eye saw fairly well, until I woke this morning and was sitting at the kitchen table. I have bird feeders just outside my window, last week my birds were just flashes of brilliant colors and today I can describe them in detail.
I was anxious to talk to my doctor. I told her what an awsome job she has! Not only does she have the knowledge of being a doctor, she also possesses the ability as a surgeon to restore someone's eyesight. What a thrill that must be when you have results, as positive as my own!!
This was truly another positive step forward in life's journey.....
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone...
I can see all obstacles in my way.....
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind...
It's gonna be a bright, bright sun shiney day!!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
No......I'm not learning a new dance step.....well, not yet....
I have a case of the jitters ~ the kind that comes before heading in for surgery. The little worries that clog the mind and creates restless sleep.
I've been at this point many times in my life and as I rattled off my different surgeries to the hospital nurse, I realized that last century's surgeries happened almost every 10 years apart: 1964 tonsillectomy, 1972 breast biopsy, 1982 ortho knee, and 1996 shoulder impingement.
Then this century hit and things have sped up a bit with: 2008 ERCP & gall bladder, 2010 Hysteroscopy D&C and now....(drum roll) Cataract surgery - May 11th and June 8th.
Food used to be my "comfort zone" that soothed my worries....but I'm learning to channel those thoughts into other directions. I continued on with this day, much like all my other days....
You see, my day is not complete until ~ needle, thread and fabric meet! Starting out my day sitting at my sewing machine always brings a smile to my face! It's my Art of choice and fabric is my medium...
Then I had some genealogy questions to answer, census records to look up, additions to enter into my growing family tree.....things to occupy my mind, as tomorrow will come soon enough.
My thoughts were lost in yesterday and the lives that came before me....then the phone rang and I was brought back to reality.
After the third call, I hung up the phone and this song popped into my head....an old Johnny Nash song. It just seems so fitting for tomorrows surgery....
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Knots Prayer
Please untie the knots
that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.
Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.
Erase the will nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.
Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.
And most of all,
I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the Ďam notsí
that I have allowed to hold me back,
Especially the thought
that I am not good enough.
Author Known to God
Get An Email Alert Each Time QUILTINGB52 Posts