Sunday, January 19, 2014
So, I can't do the lapband because of some other medical issues but I am starting to exercise and eat better. I have a new goal and a team mate to do it with! We are training for a 10 mile run at Disney World in October- one week of training down- 37 weeks to go. We are starting with walking-increasing our mileage every week and thusly- our stamina (hopefully)- interval training with alternating walking and jogging. It's nice to have someone around that wants to do this as well. I have also thought about cutting out gluten. We shall see where this new road takes me!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
So, I am a yo yo dieter/exerciser.
I'm ready to stop yo yo ing. To help with this serious transition, I am going to ask my doctor about the lapband. I have looked into it several times, but never actually made the call to the insurence company....until my last blog post. My bidy hurts so bad everyday and even low impact exercise kills. I am going to do something. I am going to stop binge eating, yo yo dieting, and yo yo exercising. I'm going to do it right and it's going to last for the rest of my life. I understand all the complications that have the possibility to arrise from this procedure. It is not a quick fix for me, it's going to take a long time to lose 150 or so lbs. I am taking the steps to force myself to make better choices. I always say fake it until you make it for confidence, but it hasn't worked for will power or desire to eat at the right times of day. Instead of eating my calories in one sitting, I am going to have small meals. The lapband will ensure I'm doing so. It's physically impossible to push more food through that band without hurting yourself. I generally don't enjoy enflicting self pain (outside of tattoos and the like)....so, it will force me to eat small meals throughout the day-which I never do-usually wait until I'm ravenous and destroy some bad bad bad foods.
What else is a problem? The cost. That problem has been eliminated by my insurence. As long as I have the procedure done where they want, it's 100% covered, no deductible, no copay. I guess I had to wait until I was right of mind to take this plunge...I am ready. Monday, I'm going to talk to my doctor.
Thursday, August 08, 2013
THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS PARTIAL NUDITY THAT MAY NOT BE ACCEPTABLE TO CHILDREN.
I am going to stop posting photos where the camera is held at different angles. I am going to post my current photos in a swim suit from today. I look horrible. I am going to make this better and I feel scared to let others see what I really look like without the fancy camera angles...so it must be something that I need to get over. I avoid people that are on my facebook in real life because I don't want them to see the difference from when I graduated high school. I need to get over this fear. I am posing in a two piece. I have uneven fat desposits, one side of my stomach sits out further than the other side. I have cellulite...and rolls. I am completely unhealthy. I have a warped physical view of myself. I see clothes, and I'm like "Yeah, that'll totally fit me"...and it never does. I have a better view of myself and maybe that's damaging my progress? Then, what I see in the mirror doesn't match up to the photographs others take of me! I'm always shocked...like "that is not me.....I don't have back fat that's THAT bad...OH MY GOD! I don't have two chins! You doctored that up!" It's like reverse anorexia...sounds weird, but I totally love myself. I see something else when I look in the mirror and it makes me think I don't need to lose as much weight as I think. I am comfortable in my skin. I go to the beach and I don't wear a sweater in July anymore. I used to hate my body and now I have accepted myself as the way I am. I am confidant and comfortable with myself.....but my body hurts. My knee hurts, my ankles hurt, my back hurts....every joint in my body hurts. I sweat when other people are completely comfortable. This is why I am going to lose weight- I want to stop hurting. I want to go skydiving (weight limit 230), I want to suspend by hooks in my back (weight limit- unknown), I want to ride THE DANG HARRY POTTER RIDE AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS(my chest is currently a whopping 55 inches around- mostly because I am a 42H cup- no that is not a made up bra size). If I lose this weight, I'll feel better, have more energy and be able to do all the things I want:
*Harry Potter Ride
I will now post my true self- as others see me. I am round and proud...but am hurting...so this is the me that is going bye bye:
My feet are tiny.....I feel like a flamingo at times....
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