Sunday, September 19, 2010
YOU KNOW YOU TEACH MIDDLE SCHOOL IF...
...you empty your pockets at night and find
1. two used hall passes
2. one unused bus pass
3. a pencil stub
4. no money (you spent your change in the faculty room candy stash)
5. a note with a drawing of Satan and two expletives that needed deleting
...you brag to your spouse about how many parent phone calls you got done today
...your relatives refuse to attend one of your parties if "it's going to be mostly teachers" because they all talk shop
...you keep trying those techniques that were recommended by experts during the latest pendulum swing
... you walk the halls of your building and unconsciously pick up litter
... you are irritated by adults who chew gum in public
... your spouse surreptitiously reads the paper at dinner while you describe your day
... you plan your seating chart so that the short kids can't hide behind bigger ones
... you have seen firsthand what gum wrappers and pennies can do to a floppy disk drive
... you write your name conspicuously on all personal objects, including your car keys, your masking tape, your textbook, and your chair.
... you sometimes choose to pretend not to hear comments that were perfectly intelligible to everyone else who was in the room
... you know what your classroom door sounds like when slammed mightily
... you have classroom rules about where people may put their feet
... you know what the ventilation fan in your room sounds like when whirling small objects, usually folded paper or wrappers
... your librarian cringes when you sign up your class
... you tell subtle jokes in class just to see those few smiles of the ones that catch on
... your class gladly acknowledges that they watch Letterman and Rosie O'Donnell and MTV but tell you they haven't time to look at something by PBS during prime time
... you despise Halloween candy, Christmas candy, and Valentine candy
... your students prefer current events stories that deal with rape, murder, electrocution, and demonic possession
... one of your students writes to Congress (on your nickel) to complain about some cigarette butts thrown into a local lake
... you still can't believe you allowed yourself to be sucked into an argument regarding whether Beanie Babies should be allowed in class
... you know at least three ways to remove objectionable doodles from textbooks so the next user will not be offended
... your team goes out for dinner to celebrate the news that your biggest headache is moving to another district
... you clean desks yourself just to keep the place looking nice and to help your own morale
... a mother calls to chew you out because you have ignored her son's project only to learn from you that it must be the one that has sat on the chalkrail for weeks with the words "Whose? Is this yours?" written above it.
... your colleagues claim you inspected a blank student agenda in study hall and said, "Let me guess: All your teachers have been absent for the last month and a half."
Saturday, September 18, 2010
And I stole it from GroovyChick who stole it from Turtle421
1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? closed
2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? I don't travel.
3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? I like the bottom tucked in, but the sides loose.
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? I use them at school a lot.
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Yes
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? let's see, bear - yeah eaten, bees - allergic so I am dead either way.
8. Do you have freckles? nope
9. Do you always smile for pictures? Pictures you pose for? Yes
10. What is your biggest pet peeve? people who think they know everything
11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? not usually
12. Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes
13. What about pooped in the woods? Yes again
14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? Sometimes
15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? sometimes
16. How many people have you slept with this week? No one
17. What size is your bed? Queen
18. What is your Song of the week? Brown, yeah I am a Kindergarten teacher
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? I am not a fan of it, but if they want to they can.
20. Do you still watch cartoons? no
21. What's your least favorite movie? vampire
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? behind my house
23. What do you drink with dinner? iced tea
24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? nothing
25. What is your favorite food? today - pizza
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? A circle of Children, Lean on Me
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? one of my kids
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? yes
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 2008 a letter to my late parents
31. Can you change the oil on a car? no
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? yes
33. Ran out of gas? Not yet
34. Favorite kind of sandwich? PBJ
35 Best thing to eat for breakfast? french toast
36. What is your usual bedtime? Around 11:00
37. Are you lazy? No
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I honestly don't remember
39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? horse
40. How many languages can you speak? used to speak German, but now just English
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Diabetic Living
42..Which are better Legos or lincoln logs? Legos
43. Are you stubborn? usually
44. Who is better.. Letterman
45. Ever watch soap operas? Used to but I don't anymore.
46. Afraid of heights? Yes I am!!!
47. Sing in the car? Yes I do
48. Dance in the shower? no
49. Dance in the car? sometimes
50. Ever used a gun? Yes, but I don't like them
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? March
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? NO
53. Is Christmas stressful? No
54. Ever eat a pierogi? no.
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? cherry
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? physical therapist
57. Do you believe in ghosts? Definitely
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time
59. Take a vitamin daily? yes every day
60. Wear slippers? only when it is cold
61. Wear a bath robe? not usually
62. What do you wear to bed? Snoopy St. Patrick lounging pants and a tee shirt
63. First concert? Elvis Presley
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target
65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas
66.Cheetos Or Fritos? Fritos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? sunflower seeds
68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No
69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes I took ballet for several years
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Whatever makes him happy
71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes
72. Ever won a spelling bee? No I am a terrible speller. Thank god for spell check
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
74. Own any record albums? yes
75. Own a record player? yes, but it is broken
76. Regularly burn incense? gives me migraines
77. Ever been in love? yep
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Beach Boys
79. What was the last concert you saw? Elvis Presley
80.Hot tea or cold tea? both
81.Tea or coffee? tea
82. Sugar or snickerdoodles? snickerdoodles
83.Can you swim well? I can swim.
84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes
85. Are you patient? yes... I need to be because I am a special needs teacher
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ
87.Ever won a contest? No
88. Ever have plastic surgery? No.
89. Which are better black or green olives? black
90.Can you knit or crochet? crochet only. I can't knit past the first row.
91. Best room for a fireplace? family room
92. Do you want to get married? I am married
93. If married, how long have you been married? 32 years
94. Who was your HS crush? I don't remember
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No
96. Do you have kids? Yes, three grown
97. Do you want kids? nope, done with that part; now grandchildren is a different question.
98. What's your favorite color? blue
99. Do you miss anyone right now? yes my late father
100. Did you watch Next Great American Band on FOX? No.
Hope you enjoyed!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and (at the end of the six weeks) have been seen grading in church.
Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.
Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.
Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.
Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.
Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.
Real teachers volunteer for hall duty on days faculty meetings are scheduled.
Real teachers never teach the conjugations of lie and lay to eighth graders.
Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.
Real teachers know the best end of semester lesson plans can come from Blockbuster.
Real teachers never take grades after Wednesday of the last week of the six weeks.
Real teachers never assign research papers on the last six weeks or essays on final exams.
Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office.
Real teachers can "sense" gum.
Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.
Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest.
Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.
Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil at Sam's.
Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teacher's lounge.
Real teachers never plan discussions for first period or co-operative groups for 7th during an evaluation.
Real teachers have the assistant principals' and counselors' home phone numbers.
Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.
Real teachers know the rules don't really apply to them.
Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
You Might be in Education if,,,
1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Vellum salt lick.
2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8-3 and
have your summers free."
4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report
7. You believe the unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy,
the kids are sure mellow today."
8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child.
9. You have no time for a life from August through June.
10. Putting all "A's on a report card would make your life SO much easier.
11. When you mention "vegetables," you are not talking about a food group.
12. You think people should be required to get a government permit before
being allow to reproduce.
13. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
14. You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.
15. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught
in a middle school for at least five years.
16. You can't have children because there isn't any name you can hear that
wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
17. You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
18. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this
kid like that?"
19. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
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