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For Middle School Teachers

Sunday, September 19, 2010

YOU KNOW YOU TEACH MIDDLE SCHOOL IF...
...you empty your pockets at night and find
1. two used hall passes
2. one unused bus pass
3. a pencil stub
4. no money (you spent your change in the faculty room candy stash)
5. a note with a drawing of Satan and two expletives that needed deleting
...you brag to your spouse about how many parent phone calls you got done today
...your relatives refuse to attend one of your parties if "it's going to be mostly teachers" because they all talk shop
...you keep trying those techniques that were recommended by experts during the latest pendulum swing
... you walk the halls of your building and unconsciously pick up litter
... you are irritated by adults who chew gum in public
... your spouse surreptitiously reads the paper at dinner while you describe your day
... you plan your seating chart so that the short kids can't hide behind bigger ones
... you have seen firsthand what gum wrappers and pennies can do to a floppy disk drive
... you write your name conspicuously on all personal objects, including your car keys, your masking tape, your textbook, and your chair.
... you sometimes choose to pretend not to hear comments that were perfectly intelligible to everyone else who was in the room
... you know what your classroom door sounds like when slammed mightily
... you have classroom rules about where people may put their feet
... you know what the ventilation fan in your room sounds like when whirling small objects, usually folded paper or wrappers
... your librarian cringes when you sign up your class
... you tell subtle jokes in class just to see those few smiles of the ones that catch on
... your class gladly acknowledges that they watch Letterman and Rosie O'Donnell and MTV but tell you they haven't time to look at something by PBS during prime time
... you despise Halloween candy, Christmas candy, and Valentine candy
... your students prefer current events stories that deal with rape, murder, electrocution, and demonic possession
... one of your students writes to Congress (on your nickel) to complain about some cigarette butts thrown into a local lake
... you still can't believe you allowed yourself to be sucked into an argument regarding whether Beanie Babies should be allowed in class
... you know at least three ways to remove objectionable doodles from textbooks so the next user will not be offended
... your team goes out for dinner to celebrate the news that your biggest headache is moving to another district
... you clean desks yourself just to keep the place looking nice and to help your own morale
... a mother calls to chew you out because you have ignored her son's project only to learn from you that it must be the one that has sat on the chalkrail for weeks with the words "Whose? Is this yours?" written above it.
... your colleagues claim you inspected a blank student agenda in study hall and said, "Let me guess: All your teachers have been absent for the last month and a half."

http://www.teachingheart.net/funny.html#
Job

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOLS626 9/21/2010 4:02PM

    Love it!

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KAKIPOPUP 9/19/2010 7:14PM

    Love the last one!

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WINDLEG 9/19/2010 7:06PM

    Wow! I work with 7th grade through 12th grade and was shocked by how many of these would apply primarily to just 7th and 8th graders! Thanks for the laughs!!!

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MYRTLEBEACHWINS 9/19/2010 1:44PM

    I am just betting that's based on truth! A great read thanks for sharing. Keep up your great work.

emoticon emoticon emoticon
Pray, sing and dance with life. Turn up that music.

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Getting to Know Me

Saturday, September 18, 2010

And I stole it from GroovyChick who stole it from Turtle421


1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? closed

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? I don't travel.

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? I like the bottom tucked in, but the sides loose.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? I use them at school a lot.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Yes

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? let's see, bear - yeah eaten, bees - allergic so I am dead either way.

8. Do you have freckles? nope

9. Do you always smile for pictures? Pictures you pose for? Yes

10. What is your biggest pet peeve? people who think they know everything

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? not usually

12. Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes

13. What about pooped in the woods? Yes again

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? Sometimes

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? sometimes

16. How many people have you slept with this week? No one

17. What size is your bed? Queen

18. What is your Song of the week? Brown, yeah I am a Kindergarten teacher

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? I am not a fan of it, but if they want to they can.

20. Do you still watch cartoons? no

21. What's your least favorite movie? vampire

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? behind my house

23. What do you drink with dinner? iced tea

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? nothing

25. What is your favorite food? today - pizza

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? A circle of Children, Lean on Me
27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? one of my kids

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? yes

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? 2008 a letter to my late parents

31. Can you change the oil on a car? no

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? yes

33. Ran out of gas? Not yet

34. Favorite kind of sandwich? PBJ

35 Best thing to eat for breakfast? french toast

36. What is your usual bedtime? Around 11:00

37. Are you lazy? No

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? I honestly don't remember

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? horse

40. How many languages can you speak? used to speak German, but now just English

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Diabetic Living

42..Which are better Legos or lincoln logs? Legos

43. Are you stubborn? usually

44. Who is better.. Letterman

45. Ever watch soap operas? Used to but I don't anymore.

46. Afraid of heights? Yes I am!!!

47. Sing in the car? Yes I do

48. Dance in the shower? no

49. Dance in the car? sometimes

50. Ever used a gun? Yes, but I don't like them

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? March

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? NO

53. Is Christmas stressful? No

54. Ever eat a pierogi? no.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? physical therapist

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Definitely

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time

59. Take a vitamin daily? yes every day

60. Wear slippers? only when it is cold

61. Wear a bath robe? not usually

62. What do you wear to bed? Snoopy St. Patrick lounging pants and a tee shirt

63. First concert? Elvis Presley

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target

65. Nike or Adidas? Adidas

66.Cheetos Or Fritos? Fritos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? sunflower seeds

68. Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No

69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes I took ballet for several years

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Whatever makes him happy

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes

72. Ever won a spelling bee? No I am a terrible speller. Thank god for spell check

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes

74. Own any record albums? yes

75. Own a record player? yes, but it is broken

76. Regularly burn incense? gives me migraines

77. Ever been in love? yep

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Beach Boys

79. What was the last concert you saw? Elvis Presley

80.Hot tea or cold tea? both

81.Tea or coffee? tea

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles? snickerdoodles

83.Can you swim well? I can swim.

84.Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes

85. Are you patient? yes... I need to be because I am a special needs teacher

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ

87.Ever won a contest? No

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No.

89. Which are better black or green olives? black

90.Can you knit or crochet? crochet only. I can't knit past the first row.

91. Best room for a fireplace? family room

92. Do you want to get married? I am married

93. If married, how long have you been married? 32 years

94. Who was your HS crush? I don't remember


95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No

96. Do you have kids? Yes, three grown

97. Do you want kids? nope, done with that part; now grandchildren is a different question.

98. What's your favorite color? blue

99. Do you miss anyone right now? yes my late father

100. Did you watch Next Great American Band on FOX? No.

Hope you enjoyed!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOLS626 9/21/2010 3:56PM

    Great getting to know you a little bit more...

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WGALE13 9/19/2010 11:05PM

    I think I am going to steal this from you! This is a great way to get to know someone! emoticon

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ANJFTW 9/19/2010 3:10AM

    I might have to steal it too! Very cool!
emoticon

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ZANDASMOM1 9/18/2010 9:18AM

    This looks like fun!! I may do it too!!! emoticon

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Right Now I am Happy

Friday, September 17, 2010

Right now I am happy with my weight.
Right now I am happy that I make more healthy choices than I used to.
Right now I am happy that I have stopped beating myself up when I make a not so good choice.
Right now I don't believe in bad foods, just better choices.
Right now I am happy with who I am.
Right now I am happy with my exercise routine.
Right now I am happy with my health.
Right now I am blessed with three terrific children, two great sons-in-law, and one gorgeous granddaughter who is five months old today.
Right now I am learning to love who I am becoming.
Later, I might want to lose more weight, but this is a journey and I am thrilled to be maintaining right now. I am staying within the same three pound range and have for two months. This is a wonderful place for me to be.
Thanks to my Sparkfriends I am able to be so happy. Everyone supports each other, gives advice. gives sympathy, and at times a kick in the pants when needed.
Right now I am in the right place - right here on Sparkpeople.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOLS626 9/21/2010 3:53PM

    ooo this is going to have to be posted somewhere in my house/car/work space. great blog!

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FLORIDASUN 9/19/2010 9:36PM

    I totally ADORE sparkpeople...you are so right..they are the most supportive loving community of friends that I've ever had the good fortune to know...you'll LOVE it here! emoticon emoticon

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WINDLEG 9/19/2010 7:08PM

    Fantastic! I like to keep things positive so this was a great read for me! Thanks for sharing!!!

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TAMMYTH64 9/18/2010 7:20PM

    Totally awesome! You are so blessed! Right now, I'm happy that you're happy! It's so nice to be in a happy place!

emoticon Big Hugs! emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 9/17/2010 10:34PM

    I am so happy for you, contentment is part of the battle! You are doing great and I love your blog! Your granddaughter is just adorable!

Hugs

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KATRIONAH 9/17/2010 9:51PM

    Now this is a great blog! Positive.....sounds like can do anything! Woo hoo Have a great weekend

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KATHYJO56 9/17/2010 9:42PM

    I love your very positive blog. Being happy is the key to a wonderful fulfilling life. You are a wonderful Spark Friend. emoticon

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SUNFLOWERGAL40 9/17/2010 9:39PM

    emoticon Well said!

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ALICE2003 9/17/2010 9:28PM

    Sounds like you're a very happy person :) and I'm happy for you!

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ZANDASMOM1 9/17/2010 7:14PM

    Way to go!!!! You are in the right place!!! emoticon

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SERENDIPITY091 9/17/2010 6:38PM

    Great blog!! What a great place to be! Have a great weekend!

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HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE A REAL TEACHER

Thursday, September 16, 2010


Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and (at the end of the six weeks) have been seen grading in church.
Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.
Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.
Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.
Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.
Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.
Real teachers volunteer for hall duty on days faculty meetings are scheduled.
Real teachers never teach the conjugations of lie and lay to eighth graders.
Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.
Real teachers know the best end of semester lesson plans can come from Blockbuster.
Real teachers never take grades after Wednesday of the last week of the six weeks.
Real teachers never assign research papers on the last six weeks or essays on final exams.
Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office.
Real teachers can "sense" gum.
Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.
Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest.
Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.
Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil at Sam's.
Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teacher's lounge.
Real teachers never plan discussions for first period or co-operative groups for 7th during an evaluation.
Real teachers have the assistant principals' and counselors' home phone numbers.
Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.
Real teachers know the rules don't really apply to them.
Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOLS626 9/21/2010 2:45PM

    I prefer to think of Real Teachers = HEROES.

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WINDLEG 9/19/2010 7:10PM

    So true! I'm going to copy and share with my faculty! Thanks again!!!

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MARINEMAMA 9/18/2010 7:23AM

    Ha!!!! Love it!! I might have to borrow it and share with my Co workers!!


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SUNFLOWERGAL40 9/17/2010 9:42PM

    emoticon Loved this one! So so true! Don't give away all our secrets! emoticon

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TEACHLDY4 9/17/2010 4:32PM

  So true!

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LEXIE63 9/17/2010 2:56PM

    Oh Yes!!!
Hugs,
Lex xxx
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAKIPOPUP 9/17/2010 3:33AM

    I love it - especially the last statement - I've thought for years that there are two kinds of teachers - those who teach children and those who teach subjects.



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TRISHP1961 9/16/2010 9:07PM

    How true!

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GOOZLEBEAR 9/16/2010 9:07PM

    Once again, great blog, enjoyed it as usual. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WHISPERING-PINE 9/16/2010 7:01PM

  Ain't that the truth! I had to chuckle at a lot of what you wrote. emoticonGreat Blog!!

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WGALE13 9/16/2010 6:27PM

    That is awesome! The funny thing is I can relate to most of it!

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TRIGFROST 9/16/2010 6:19PM

    Wow---Now--that's a real Teacher emoticon

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It's Time for Today's Teacher's Funny

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

You Might be in Education if,,,
1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Vellum salt lick.
2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8-3 and
have your summers free."
4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report
card.
7. You believe the unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy,
the kids are sure mellow today."
8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child.
9. You have no time for a life from August through June.
10. Putting all "A's on a report card would make your life SO much easier.
11. When you mention "vegetables," you are not talking about a food group.
12. You think people should be required to get a government permit before
being allow to reproduce.
13. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
14. You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.
15. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught
in a middle school for at least five years.
16. You can't have children because there isn't any name you can hear that
wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
17. You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
18. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this
kid like that?"
19. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 9/19/2010 9:39PM

    Yep...#18 has GOT to be my favorite and I don't even teach school...just jewelry classes! emoticon

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WINDLEG 9/19/2010 7:33PM

    Love #16! When I was expecting my daughter, I had the worst time finding a name that didn't have some negative connotation attached to it from a former student! Yes, I love all my students past, present, and future, but once you say a name 50 times a day, you really want to say something else!!!

Thanks again!

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MOLS626 9/17/2010 3:11PM

    Very amusing!

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LAURELSPARK 9/16/2010 9:10AM

    That was great!!!(and so semi-true)

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ACIMPEGGY 9/15/2010 9:22PM

    This was great! I'll pass on to those I know in the field! emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 9/15/2010 8:58PM

    Oh Boy!!!! I can really identify with all of these at one time or the other. I am not a teacher but my hubby was in education all of his adult career life and I worked at several elementary and high schools as well as other areas, like church, that involved children!!! I know my hubby and I have said all of these!!!!

Thanks for sharing and giving me a good laugh!!!!

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RUFFIT 9/15/2010 7:08PM

    God Bless you. I would never have the patience to be a teacher. Keep up the awesome work. Moni emoticon

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MRS.PRINCIPAL 9/15/2010 7:01PM

    How true are some of these! Thanks for posting, needed a pick me up laugh!

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BUBBLEJ1 9/15/2010 5:35PM

    Ah, all so true! What am I getting myself into?!

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LEXIE63 9/15/2010 5:17PM

    I'm sure my Dad would've agreed with some of those. :-)
Hugs,
Lex xxx
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRANPATTIE 9/15/2010 4:40PM

    This was amusing. I hope it was meant to be. emoticon

Even still, count your blessings,
Pat emoticon

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