Thursday, September 16, 2010
Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and (at the end of the six weeks) have been seen grading in church.
Real teachers cheer when they hear April 1 does not fall on a school day.
Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.
Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning their backs on the class.
Real teachers are written up in medical journals for size and elasticity of kidneys and bladders.
Real teachers have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes, 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House.
Real teachers volunteer for hall duty on days faculty meetings are scheduled.
Real teachers never teach the conjugations of lie and lay to eighth graders.
Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission.
Real teachers know the best end of semester lesson plans can come from Blockbuster.
Real teachers never take grades after Wednesday of the last week of the six weeks.
Real teachers never assign research papers on the last six weeks or essays on final exams.
Real teachers know the shortest distance and the length of travel time from their classroom to the office.
Real teachers can "sense" gum.
Real teachers know the difference among what must be graded, what ought to be graded, and what probably should never again see the light of day.
Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest.
Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.
Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil at Sam's.
Real teachers will eat anything that is put in the workroom/teacher's lounge.
Real teachers never plan discussions for first period or co-operative groups for 7th during an evaluation.
Real teachers have the assistant principals' and counselors' home phone numbers.
Real teachers know secretaries and custodians run the school.
Real teachers know the rules don't really apply to them.
Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely non-expendable.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
You Might be in Education if,,,
1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Vellum salt lick.
2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work 8-3 and
have your summers free."
4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report
7. You believe the unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy,
the kids are sure mellow today."
8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child.
9. You have no time for a life from August through June.
10. Putting all "A's on a report card would make your life SO much easier.
11. When you mention "vegetables," you are not talking about a food group.
12. You think people should be required to get a government permit before
being allow to reproduce.
13. You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
14. You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.
15. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught
in a middle school for at least five years.
16. You can't have children because there isn't any name you can hear that
wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.
17. You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
18. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this
kid like that?"
19. Your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card time.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
RULES FOR TEACHERS 1915.
You will NOT marry during the term of your contract.
You are NOT to keep company with men.
You MUST be home between the hours of 8pm and 6am unless attending a school function.
You MAY NOT loiter downtown in ice cream stores.
You MAY NOT travel beyond the city limits without the permission of the chairman of the board.
You MAY NOT ride in a carriage or automobile with any man unless he is your father or brother.
You MAY NOT smoke cigarettes
You MAY NOT dress in bright colors.
You may UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES dye your hair.
You must wear AT LEAST two petticoats.
Your dresses must NOT be any shorter than two inches above the ankle
To keep the schoolroom clean you must: -
sweep the floor at least once daily.
Scrub the floor with hot soapy water at least once a week.
Start the fire at 7 am. So that the room will be warm by 8 am
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