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Why Are People Mean?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I really do not understand my new sister-in-law. My brother was as happy as I have seen or heard him in all of his adult years when he told me that he had gotten married in January. Battling cancer, he had been more depressed than ever, but his spirits were lifted when he met a nurse who sought him out after seeing him at a party, Their relationship developed very quickly and she asked him to marry her after a 6 week romance. It is the first marriage for both of them, my brother at 63 and her at 40 something,

But there is something wrong. Almost right away, she became violent and abusive with him, then asked for a divorce. I just heard from him on his honeymoon and she is treating him coldly, refusing to be even close enough to him to hold his hand.

I cannot imagine what motivated her, but I can only believe that she went into this with intentions to hurt him. How does a nurse do this? Surely she knows what kind of hell a person battling cancer and cancer treatments goes through. Has she no human decency? I have come to believe that she is sadistic and malevolent. It makes me so sad for my brother, who only weeks ago was so happy to have her in his life, who finally saw a little joy. At the moment, he is totally crushed.

What makes people like that? I cannot imagine what would drive someone to do whatever it is she is doing.

At this point, I am hoping that he will get out of this marriage, and that she doesn't haver a special divorce hell planned for him. I am so worried for him! I wish I could take this pain away from him so he could concentrate on healing instead of being hurt worse than he was before he met her.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JABULONESTAR 4/10/2011 2:06AM

    Oh I am so sorry for your brother to have to deal with this. He is already going through so much. I will keep him and you in my prayers that this may be resolved quickly. emoticon

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AQUAJANE 3/31/2011 2:02PM

    So sorry to hear about this, Chris! Unfortunately, your brother needs to get a lawyer right away, and definitely not rely on her lawyer. And I agree that you need to speak with her supervisor, and quite probably write some kind of nurse regulatory agency in her state. I darned well hope it's just meanness and not greed/scam at issue here.

I'm not an Ohio lawyer and I really can't suggest how to find one who's really ethical, (nor give legal advice;), but the saddest thing is, is that the nurse might be in cahoots with a lawyer, or have done this before. If she really were an heiress, 9/10 times she would've insisted on a prenup herself. Definitely, in most if not all states, if your brother passes without a will, she'll get everything. Even if he wrote a will before he married her. And in this crushed condition, he might have problems both thinking things through and following through, not to mention that the situation's probably also shortened his life expectancy. SOOO SAD! emoticon

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VALERIEMAHA 3/30/2011 9:27AM

    Oh Chris...here I am wallowing in my own self-pity while others, like your dear brother, are dealing with major life-shaking circumstances. I'm just astounded at this woman's behavior. Very ill indeed. And I SO wish you were closer to your brother. It's so hard for you to help him concretely from this distance. But perhaps there are ways you can help...things you can do from YS.

Keep us posted on this. Hopefully he has some sort of support network about him, able to assist him here-and-now...?

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CKC76701 3/29/2011 9:11PM

    That is a terrible, sad story! Is it not against the code of ethics for a nurse to chase down a patient for a romantic relationship? I second the counsel to speak with her supervisor. I am glad that he has you and the rest of your family to support him through this ordeal, whatever his decision! My prayers go out to you and your family.

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WATERMELLEN 3/29/2011 8:17PM

    This is too too sad: no wonder you are upset.

Please urge your brother to see a family law lawyer right away to protect his interests as best as possible with respect to property and support issues: a marriage contract/pre nup would probably have "smoked her out" in advance . . . but too late for that now. Still, the sooner he deals with this, the better. A "collaboratively trained" lawyer will have resources for him with respect to a divorce coach/family therapist to assist with the deeply painful emotional issues. You may need to set the appointment and go with him: if he is terribly depressed and ill, he will need lots of support to get out the door.

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IUHRYTR 3/29/2011 7:37PM

    I would carry this a step further and talk with her supervisor at work to let on what her attitude really is and to be on the lookout for it where she works. Does he have a lot of money that she might be after? Hey, it happens. Hope things work out for the best for him which sounds like being away from this dingbat. -- Lou

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    I'm so sorry this is happening to him, and that you have to see it happen. My first impression was what some others thought as well: con artist. But if money isn't a motivation, maybe the person who said "bipolar" was right. Since the marriage is new, if he chooses to end it he may not have to get through a divorce. Depending on which state he lives in, there are often loopholes that make getting an annulment a better option, even post-honeymoon.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 3/29/2011 6:50PM

    Does your brother have a life insurance policy or any assets? She could be a con artist. I had someone do something similar to me and they are sociopaths. It was very hard to realize that it wasn't my fault. They move the relationship along so quickly so you get caught up in the infatuation.

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NERYLX 3/29/2011 6:48PM

    I have heard of sociopaths, those who have no conscience. Apparently 1 in 25 people have no conscience. I shudder to think that they are in the nursing profession, but alas, I do believe they are everywhere.

I hope that is not the case for your sister-in-law, and this is just a terrible temporary phase.

I wish the best for you and your brother!

emoticon emoticon

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/29/2011 6:43PM

    Have you spoken with her? Perhaps they can get help. Marriage can be difficult, but it can be turned around. I hope they find their way back to a happy place regardless.

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SIRIRADHA 3/29/2011 6:26PM

    I think you already know the answer to this one. The woman is very sick. Nobody hurts another person this way without some sort of mental or emotional illness. I feel very, very sorry for everyone involved.

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SHELLYAE 3/29/2011 6:24PM

    Maybe she is Bipolar? People who are Bipolar are often thought of as excessively moody. It is characterized by episodes of mania then depression. Mania is often thought of as super hyper activity, but it comes in many forms. Some people go on extreme shopping sprees, club a lot, or feel invisible. However, in less severe cases they can simply be overly happy or extremely cheerful and then over night be moody, depressed and want to isolate themselves. However, if she knows she is Bipolar (if she really is), she should have told him.

I hope it works out...I agree with those talking about an annulment.

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3016DEBRA 3/29/2011 6:21PM

  You've heard of Karma, right? She'll get hers someday...it always comes back around. God bless your brother & just be thankful he didn't waste anymore time with her! emoticon
Shame on her!

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TISHTOES 3/29/2011 6:15PM

    Wow, that's horrible! Sometimes people want to control another person which is what I would suspect with a nurse, although she met him at a party, not work, right? Yes, he should get out and hopefully there will not be financial pain. The fact that this marriage is so short, maybe it could be annulled. Is he still being treated for the cancer? I hope he can get out of this and that he has friends/family he can lean on. So sorry.

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BADASSBLONDIE 3/29/2011 6:11PM

    Wow. i'm so sorry honey. *hugshard* You're a really good sister. And this nurse? Total f*cking crazy person. I'm so sorry your brother has to go through this.

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ETWOLIE 3/29/2011 6:06PM

    I am so sorry to hear your brother is being treated this way. I hope he realizes she is not worth his time. It is deplorable what she has done and I wonder if she should be reported to her employer, she sounds too unbalanced to be trusted with the health of other people.

I'll keep your brother in my prayers that he gets well and does not have to suffer too much because of his "wife".

Keep in touch with your brother, it will help both of you to deal with the situation.

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PUDLECRAZY 3/29/2011 6:02PM

    The money angle doesn't quite make sense. She is an heiress, and my brother is an artist and Porche mechanic. There is some other mean-spirited motivation here.... I can't figure it out.

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PONYFARMER 3/29/2011 5:58PM

    Oh she sounds sick, mentally! Keep in touch with him because this stinks of a money/property or ???? scam to get all that he has. I am so sorry for you and for your brother. See if he can get it anulled based on she married him for reasons other than marriage. The sooner he does it the better.

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DOR2BFIT 3/29/2011 5:55PM

    SHAME SHAME SHAME on her! Maybe he can have the marriage annulled? What a horrible thing to have to go through on top of everything else. emoticon

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ASMPP1 3/29/2011 5:53PM

    emoticon I hope it works out for him. It is hard to watch something like this happen.

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Lazy Lazy Lazy

Monday, March 28, 2011

I had a lazy day today. I am usually so driven that when I slow down for a day, I worry about myself being a lazy bum, or as my mother used to say, a wastrel. I actively decided to take a break from working on the fairy house because I needed a shift in focus. I made a yummy batch of kale chips, cleaned the kitchen and did some laundry, but that was the extent of what I 'accomplished.'

On Saturday, I stopped at the library and checked out an Ann Perry mystery. I rarely take time for recreational reading during the school year, and when I do, mysteries are my read of choice. I like Ann Perry because I enjoy her Victorian period pieces. I also enjoy many other authors for their attention to either locale or time periods. Today was my reading day. I read the entire book, plus took a nap on the recliner with Luna in my lap, Stella by my side, and my glasses dangling off my nose.

This is the kind of day I have to fight off guilt about. It was the kind of day I desperately needed. So after some guilt ridden soul searching, I realized that I accomplished more than kale chips, a clean kitchen, and clean laundry...

I accomplished relaxation!

Luna decided to maybe move into the fairy house.

Kale Chips

Preheat oven to 325 degrees

cut kale leaves, deveining the big vein that runs down the middle
Shake them in a bag with a little olive oil and a little seasoning
(for this batch I used a little red pepper sesame oil and garlic salt)
bake for about 10 minutes until crisp

Easy, healthy, and delicious!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Thanks for the recipe for kale chips ~ they sound yummy!

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BELLASMOM8 3/29/2011 5:54PM

    Sometimes you need a day like that to recharge so good for you! Thanks for including the recipe for Kale chips I am going to try that out.

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AQUAJANE 3/29/2011 1:14PM

    Chris a wastrel? LOL. I've gotta try that kale chips recipe. I never ate kale growing up, but have some in my garden now. Of course, as a veggie, it's not of particular interest for Tara and other furry critters! emoticon

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MARY1313 3/29/2011 10:17AM

    You will never be a wastrel my dear! Your mind is way to active to allow that, so when you need a down day (and we ALL do) don't your dare beat yourself up over it!! It is a way to rejuvenate your mind, body and soul!


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STARLASUE 3/29/2011 9:36AM

    My girlfriend always gives me kale chips when she makes them. Lazy is good for you once in a while!

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BILLTMAN 3/29/2011 6:23AM

    Kale chips? hmmm, never heard of such a thing but it sounds good. I'll have to try it. Thanks for sharing the recipe. Have a great rest of the week!


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ANASINGS 3/29/2011 12:46AM

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Yes, sugar is my biggest food nemesis. It's the toughest thing I've had to quit to date, but I intend to go all the way. Thanks for the recipe! Sounds yummy. I love your page's background!

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SCOOTER4263 3/28/2011 9:48PM

    Your mother actually used the word "wastrel"? God bless her!

I've been enjoying kale recently, too. I've been sauteeing it in a pan with olive oil and garlic and a touch of nutmeg, and either chicken sausage or veg sausage. A hearty meal with lots of vitamins and really minimal "damage" calorie-wise.

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WATERMELLEN 3/28/2011 9:47PM

    The kale chips sounde delicious: I've done something like this with red Swiss chard and love that too!!

Really enjoy Ann Perry -- probably the Charolotte ones even more than the Monk ones --

and "waste" a ridiculous amount of time with recreational reading which I thoroughly enjoy: without much apology!!

love your new fairy wallpaper!!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/28/2011 9:46PM

    I adore Kale chips! You did accomplish something, you rested!

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VALERIEMAHA 3/28/2011 9:35PM

    YAY! Chris "semi" stopped for several hours. The $1million question: Will she make it to bedtime in RELAX mode???

Got the bath run. Got my book in-hand (Stones into Schools). I'm outa' here!

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DOR2BFIT 3/28/2011 9:35PM

    LOL! Wastrel! That's the funniest thing I've heard all Day!

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IUHRYTR 3/28/2011 9:02PM

    Luna better watch out around that house if she knows what's good for her. Didn't it feel good to just be today? -- Lou

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Fairy House Progress - Exterior

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I still have quite a bit left to do but I got the stucco and timber siding on this weekend. I need to finish the stonework for the fireplace and foundation. It will look like the chimney. I also have to make and hinge the doors.

I had planned to cover the roofs with moss. I mixed together a base color for under the moss and ended up really liking it, so I am conflicted about the moss now. The color now looks like lichen instead. I am going to have to run this by my niece who is enjoying being my consultant.

Below is a picture of the chimney detail. I made the rocks out of paper clay and painted them to look like river stones. I am planning to make the inside fireplace, the fireplace exterior, and the foundation in the same way. It takes a lot of time though, so it will be a while before the exterior and interior are completely done.

Once I checked my blog, I can see that you can't really see the colors very well. The roof is about the same gray-green lichen is and the walls are a creamy yellow. Everything that isn't timber framing or 'stone' has been stuccoed. That was FUN!

Now for some time with my music.

I love spring break!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    emoticon It is looking great!

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STARLASUE 3/29/2011 9:37AM


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SCOOTER4263 3/28/2011 9:44PM

    My mother made ridiculously elaborate (and huge) dollhouses, and beautiful scale furniture. I never thought I'd get into it, but I didn't want to give hers away ... and I had all the furniture ... well, one thing led to another, I decorated a couple of the houses for the holidays ... now guess who is thinking of making something along those lines? LOL. You never, ever know.

Thank you for your email. Your wisdom and insight are so appreciated, and such a comfort.

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    Awesome! What a great hobby and you are so detailed.

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MAWRTIAN 3/28/2011 5:39PM

    That is soooo cool!! Thanks for the hello, this weekend was actually worse than I thought it would be, I was pulled in every direction and got too little sleep. My friend goes home tonight, I didn't have much a of visit with her. Unfortunatly my brother is a really needy visitor and has an endless list of things he wants to do. Because of a pinched nerve he can't take the bus so I have to drive him everywhere. ug! emoticon

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This is awesome!! I used to have a friend who lived in Indiana that used to build these for a hobby.

The attention to detail is amazing!

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LMB-ESQ 3/27/2011 7:41PM

    What a beautiful job!

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/27/2011 7:21PM

    Very nice job!How proud you must be. Victoria

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MY_LIFE_NOW 3/27/2011 7:01PM

    i love this,, i have 2 older ones..is this a kit or your own would love to try something like this....awesome

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EMRANA 3/27/2011 6:31PM

  Oh my goodness, that is beyond precious! Thank you for sharing it with us!

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VALERIEMAHA 3/27/2011 5:35PM

    emoticonand WOW!

Just getting in from a fun weekend with a SparkFriend and her partner! I TOO love spring break!

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PHEBESS 3/27/2011 5:28PM

    That is so amazing!!!!!!!

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IUHRYTR 3/27/2011 4:55PM

    My broken record is playing again -- I love this house and your creativity. It is adorable. -- Lou

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JAZZMINE 3/27/2011 4:41PM

    Wow! This is amazing!


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SASSYBLONDE69 3/27/2011 4:28PM

    I want to move in here!

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/27/2011 4:14PM

    The fairy house is adorable you did a really good job! emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 3/27/2011 3:32PM

    This is an amazing project -- so English country garden!!

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DOR2BFIT 3/27/2011 3:12PM

    Absolutely darling! emoticon

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Break - Day 1

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I really enjoyed the day. I was a little disappointed last week that the forecast was for chilly weather, snow even. I had been looking forward to getting some gardening done and enjoying leisurely walks with Stella. However, since i have no control over the weather (too bad), but do have control over my reactions to it, I decided to just enjoy the fact that I have time to do many things, not just gardening.

So today I spent time running errands and having lunch out with my singing partner before going to her house to sing. She had a lot of new songs she wanted to work on and I worked out a harmonies to go with them. One of our dear and long time friends is getting married and we are working on some fun songs to sing at her reception in August as well as other things.

I got a LOT done on my fairy house today and am very happy about that. This was 'stucco' day and I discovered that I love applying stucco. I have been discovering some of life's hidden pleasures....woohoo - stucco! I'll have some new pics to post tomorrow.

Since I don't have any today, I'll just post this one:

It's NOT Stella, and she is bowing down in thanks that it isn't.

'Til tomorrow! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BILLTMAN 3/27/2011 1:37PM


Too bad the weather was gloomy I'm assuming It may have been rainy. If you and your poodle had gone outside you might have stepped in a puddle or if it had rained enough you may even have had to paddle. Therefore, you decided to stay inside and piddle. You could have made some pudding - Shall I Stop?


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MCGS62 3/27/2011 1:10PM

    emoticon Your crazy! I cant believe that stella sits still for curlers. Too Funny

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WATERMELLEN 3/27/2011 11:28AM

    "However, since i have no control over the weather (too bad), but do have control over my reactions to it, I decided to just enjoy the fact that I have time to do many things, not just gardening."

Wow, there's pretty much a lifetime of learning tucked into THAT casual aside!!

Stella has every reason to be grateful she lives at your place and not in some other more conventional poodle place: I'm glad she knows that!!

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VALERIEMAHA 3/27/2011 8:57AM

    I'm with Lou -- you are emoticon
Stella whispered to me "thank goddess for small favors!!"

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KRITTERKEEPERS 3/27/2011 12:47AM

    emoticon emoticon

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IUHRYTR 3/26/2011 10:06PM

    Wow, a lady who stuccoes, constructs houses, bakes, and is the most creative teacher in her school? emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon -- Lou

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Over The Edge?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I get overwhelmed with stress at this point in the school year. It happens every year, and this year is no exception. It is a combination of the sheer amount of work I have to do, having not had enough sun all winter, and not getting enough exercise or sleep. This is my annual time of struggling for balance and I look to my music, reading, and time with my friends to keep my stress levels under control and keep joy in my life.

While I have not been getting the exercise I wish I have, I am not unpleased with this winter's weight maintenance. My diet has been good, and although I have not shed all of the weight I gained over the holidays, for the first time in years I have been able to wear my 'summer' jeans all year round. So, in spite of a little winter gain, it has been pleasantly under control.

Now that the weather is pleasant enough for the children to want to go outside during their free time at school, they are getting enough exercise to burn off their restless behavior and I am back to having a lot more fun with them. We are planning a cooking game show after spring break. Four teams will each pick a nationality to represent and I will present them with a hat with three possible mystery ingredients in it. The mystery ingredient they choose will be the one each group has to incorporate into a dish representative of the country they have selected. The team will have to find a recipe, and prepare a meal based on their mystery ingredient. They'll have a restaurant for the rest of the school; a little culinary tour of 4 countries. Three children will be reporter/videographers for the show. The children are pumped about it. I even have cooks jackets for them to wear.

I have been working on my fairy house in tiny increments and look forward to perhaps making some noticeable progress on spring break. Right now I am painting paper clay rocks for the fireplace, chimney, and foundation. I am working for a river rock effect. This activity has been making me feel closer to my father, and also really miss him. Dad was a scenic artist for theater, tv, and movies and was excellent at special effects and faux finishes. As I work to make things realistic on a tiny scale, I feel his presence guiding me. He has given me so much, and I feel him continue to as if he were still here with me. When I took on the project of making the fairy house for my niece and granddaughters to play with at my house, I thought of it as just making something for them that they would love. I did not know I would love it so much or that it would, in some spiritual way, bring me back to my artwork and closer to my father. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me. Hey, Dad, I know it makes sense to you.

So maybe, just maybe, you won't think I'm a total nutcase when I tell you that I decided to enter a dollhouse contest. I don't stand a snowball's chance of winning anything, since there are a lot of experts who enter, but I am liking the challenge of it.

For the contest, everyone gets the same structure and has to come up with their own interpretation of it. This is the structure, with or without the addition on the side. I chose the one with the addition on the left side.

Shhhhhhh.... it's supposed to be secret until the deadline...

The minute I saw it, I saw the Inn where the hobbits met Strider for the first time with the Ring Wraiths hot on their little hobbit heels. My plan is to build this into the old Inn on the other side of Hobbiton, the addition the stall for travelers horses, plus the whole scene - characters and all.

Win or not, I see this as a great addition to the scholarship auction fundraiser next fall.

This is a sign of addiction isn't it? Finding rationalizations? emoticon

I have gone from ordering one house to build this past December, to having 3 more waiting in the sidelines. At least, Mike is glad that I am not becoming Crazy Cat Lady... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JABULONESTAR 3/24/2011 7:30PM

    The cooking game show sounds like so much fun! You are such an awesome teacher!
If I had life to do over again I would come back as one of your students :)

I think it is great that you are entering the contest! You have such great creativity. Just have fun and don't worry about winning although I think you are a winner just for entering and completing your project! I am looking forward to seeing the results :)

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/24/2011 3:52PM

    Your secret is safe with me! I am certain it will be perfect, Victoria

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MARY1313 3/24/2011 10:02AM

    snort! crazy cat lady LOL! I love that you feel closer to your father! that is so awesome. Although I know that it makes you miss him, I think it's great that you are thinking about him and possibly smiling while you work at his memory.

Great that you are going to do others too!


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    Don't forget to throw in a few pint's of Butterbur's best!
It does loook like the buildings depicted in LoTR

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KRITTERKEEPERS 3/23/2011 11:51PM

    I really think it is a grand idea! Working on projects like this in your spare time are good for your health (lowers blood pressure) and mental well-being. Most likely the work on the Fairy House kept your cortisol levels from getting completely out of control with the stress you have been under this winter. What pleasant therapy ~ I can't wait to see your pictures!!!
emoticon emoticon

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SUNNY332 3/23/2011 1:50PM

    One shingle at a time, my friend.

It personally think that anything that encourages one's creativity is a good thing and not an addiction. Keep up the great work.


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MEOWMAMA3 3/23/2011 1:06PM

    Sorry about the stress....I TOTALLY understand....Your plans sound so interesting and exciting! I "get" the dad connection too. I used to hate football and after my dad passed I got very weirdly into football.....I find myself making gestures and comments like him all the time. I miss my folks so much, guess we never get over it. Hang in there, luv to you, THE crazy cat lady.....P.S. Naughty kitty bit mommy????? ouchee. Heal soon.

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MAWRTIAN 3/23/2011 5:04AM

    I so love the LoTR reference, you are the best!!

All who wander are not lost emoticon

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SASSYBLONDE69 3/22/2011 11:23PM

    Inn of the Red Pony, wasn't it? That's amazing! Can't wait to see it!

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MCGS62 3/22/2011 11:02PM

    Experts , like first seed basket ball teams, were made to be upset. My money is going on you just on creativity alone. no you don't sound crazy to me.
I think it is great to know where your creative side comes from and am sure that your dad is smiling at you.
Your school sounds like a lot of fun
Do students still study?
My dad had a satirical sense of humor. emoticon

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GOLIGHTLY344 3/22/2011 9:45PM

    The chefs event is awesome. Please tell about it after the kids present their creations.

The mini house sounds amazing. Enjoy! Such patience. emoticon

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IUHRYTR 3/22/2011 9:09PM

    Good luck with the contest. That and the cooking show sounds exciting. Just don't Mike ever see you building a dog house; he may think it's for him. emoticon Of course, you'd have a/c, carpeting, the works so maybe that wouldn't be a bad place to stay when needed. emoticon I'm joking, Chris, but am envious in a good way of your talent and creativity. -- Lou

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VALERIEMAHA 3/22/2011 9:00PM

    At least it keeps you off the streets. YS gets a tad crazy after dark!

WHEE -- party at the Inn!

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