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PT.JEFFGIRL's Recent Blog Entries

How To Get A Raise

Friday, June 21, 2013

How to Get a Raise

A maid asked the lady of the house for a pay increase.

Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, "Now Maria, why do you deserve a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife: (really furious now) "Did my husband say that as well?!"

Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

  
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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/21/2013 10:03PM

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USMAWIFE 6/21/2013 6:10PM

    cute

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A Short Time to Live

Thursday, June 20, 2013

24 Hours to Live

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to be intimate. Of course she agreed.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could be intimate?" Carol agreed.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eights hours of life left. He touched Carol's shoulder and said, "Darling please? Just one more time before I die?" She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen, I'm not being funny Barry, but I have to get up in the morning and you don't!"

  
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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/20/2013 11:30PM

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Arresting Your Own Mom

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Arresting Mom

A police recruit was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

In the blank, he wrote, "Call for backup."

  
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BECKYSFRIEND 6/20/2013 11:01PM

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KOFFEENUT 6/20/2013 12:37AM

    No kidding - sounds like a prudent plan!

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MCFITZ2 6/19/2013 11:20PM

    emoticon right answer

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/19/2013 10:08PM

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The "Grieving" Wife

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Grieving Wife

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that darned gun!'"

  
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BECKYSFRIEND 6/17/2013 9:20PM

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/17/2013 8:06PM

    very funny. I loved it.

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Some Funny Southern Sayings

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Shut My Mouth

Thrilled Down to The Ground

I Do Declare

Happy As a Pig in Sunshine

Bless Your Heart

Do Go On

Ain't That The Berries

I am Southern.

  
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EMPRESSAMQ 6/21/2013 6:10PM

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GLADEGAL 6/16/2013 9:48PM

  Hi ya'll

What did you give for that?

Well bless my buttons

Well, ain't you sweet?

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JO88BAKO 6/16/2013 9:41PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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