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A Great Golf Score

Monday, June 24, 2013

This is a little black humor.


Best Round of Golf

A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang.

It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.

The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!"

"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care, and you will be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 6/30/2013 12:59AM

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GRAMMYEAC 6/25/2013 6:07AM

    Sick, sick sick!

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/24/2013 11:23PM

    that was sick and funny at the same time.

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Father of One of My Kids

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Paternity

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My gosh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made whoopee with on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my behind with wet celery?"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

61INCHGAL 6/25/2013 10:23PM

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MAYBER 6/22/2013 7:24PM

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TXGRANDMA 6/22/2013 12:11PM

    emoticon Can you believe he SAID that? emoticon

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/22/2013 10:50AM

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SHOAPIE 6/22/2013 9:13AM

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EWL978 6/22/2013 9:02AM

    Serves him right!!!! emoticon emoticon

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MYBESTNOW 6/22/2013 8:50AM

    That does say a lot! Boy, he's carrying around some luggage, huh! emoticon

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How To Get A Raise

Friday, June 21, 2013

How to Get a Raise

A maid asked the lady of the house for a pay increase.

Her boss was annoyed at this and asked, "Now Maria, why do you deserve a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife: (really furious now) "Did my husband say that as well?!"

Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/21/2013 10:03PM

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/21/2013 10:03PM

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MOMMA-MOOSE 6/21/2013 9:19PM

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BECKYSFRIEND 6/21/2013 9:16PM

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USMAWIFE 6/21/2013 6:10PM

    cute

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DLDMIL 6/21/2013 6:06PM

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A Short Time to Live

Thursday, June 20, 2013

24 Hours to Live

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carol that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to be intimate. Of course she agreed.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said, "Darling, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could be intimate?" Carol agreed.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eights hours of life left. He touched Carol's shoulder and said, "Darling please? Just one more time before I die?" She agreed, and then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Barry, however, lay there awake and listened to the clock ticking in his head, tossing and turning until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Darling, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen, I'm not being funny Barry, but I have to get up in the morning and you don't!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/20/2013 11:30PM

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Arresting Your Own Mom

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Arresting Mom

A police recruit was asked on an exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

In the blank, he wrote, "Call for backup."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 6/20/2013 11:01PM

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KOFFEENUT 6/20/2013 12:37AM

    No kidding - sounds like a prudent plan!

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MCFITZ2 6/19/2013 11:20PM

    emoticon right answer

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 6/19/2013 10:08PM

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