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More Things Women Want To Hear, But Never Do

Monday, September 22, 2014

I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

If the guys call and want me to go to that new sports club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.

If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.

Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.

  


Druggist's Bad Day

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.

Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.

I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it.

It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And Mister, I TOLD HER!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 9/20/2014 8:22PM

    OOOOOOOOooohhhhhhhh

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Passwords

Friday, September 19, 2014

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and so I asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEE22 9/22/2014 8:49AM

    Good one! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/19/2014 5:16PM

    Now that is cute!!!!

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The Blonde and The Library

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."

The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 9/19/2014 8:32AM

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MAGGIEVAN 9/18/2014 3:55PM

    Very funny. Thanks for sharing!

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1CRAZYDOG 9/18/2014 1:54PM

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The Danger of Typos

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

A businessman from Wisconsin went on a business trip to Louisiana. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port and sent a short E-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her address, which began with JennJohn.

Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter and the E-mail ended up going to and address that began with JeanJohn, a Jean Johnson in Duluth, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher's wife took one look at the E-mail and promptly fainted.

It read, "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 9/18/2014 8:48AM

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BEAUTIFUL_REINA 9/17/2014 2:25PM

    ha ha ha ha ha thank you!!

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1CRAZYDOG 9/17/2014 1:53PM

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FITWITHIN 9/17/2014 1:43PM

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