PT.JEFFGIRL   119,295
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PT.JEFFGIRL's Recent Blog Entries

Rabbi Visit

Friday, October 24, 2014

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

  
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GRAMMYEAC 10/24/2014 9:29PM

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MILPAM3 10/24/2014 12:13PM

  OY!

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Discipline

Thursday, October 23, 2014

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was acting up during the morning worship hour.

The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.

Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

  
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1CRAZYDOG 10/23/2014 7:55PM

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CMCDONNA 10/23/2014 7:41PM

    HAHA very cute :)

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Signing Checks

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply "XX".

Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered.

He soon was a very rich man. One day, he got a call from his bank. "Mr. Schwartz," said the banker, "I need to ask you about this check. We weren't sure you had really signed it. All these years you've been signing your checks 'XX', but we just got one that was signed with three XXX's..."

Mr. Schwartz answered, "No problem, my friend. It's just that since I've become so wealthy, my wife thought I ought to have a middle name."

  
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DOROTHYBERO 10/22/2014 10:12AM

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TEEPHOTO 10/21/2014 7:19PM

    Love it!

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1CRAZYDOG 10/21/2014 4:01PM

    Cute!

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Tmperature

Monday, October 20, 2014

A CEO-type was in the hospital, being treated for a minor deal. For a week he'd made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating all the staff, shouting orders and demanding attention, complaining about the food, the bed, the temperature, the weather. Typical big shot.

One morning a nurse's helper entered the room, saying, "Time to take your temperature, sir."

After growling that she was disturbing his nap, the guy finally opened his mouth for the thermometer.

"Sorry, sir," said the nurse, "but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."

After complaining about the embarrassment and inconvenience, the guy finally rolled over and bared his butt. After the nurse finished, she said, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you."

The nurse left, leaving the door ajar. The guy's back is to the door, and for over an hour, he hears people wandering up and down the hall, laughing. At length the guy's doctor entered the room, saw the guy with his bare butt in the air and gawked. Finally, he asks, "What's going on here?"

The guy barks, "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

"Not with a daffodil."

  
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DOROTHYBERO 10/21/2014 12:27PM

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GRAMMYEAC 10/20/2014 9:45PM

    Cute!

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LADY561BUG 10/20/2014 6:55PM

    Thank you for a good laugh!! I loved it..... emoticon

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The Moving Walls

Sunday, October 12, 2014

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

  
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BECKYSFRIEND 10/15/2014 7:54AM

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AJB121299 10/12/2014 6:33PM

    nice

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