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A One-Wish Genie

Friday, November 28, 2014

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold 'a genie' appeared! The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for... a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again..."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCYCAN7 11/28/2014 7:44PM

  THAT IS A GOOD ONE,LINDA!ENJOY YOUR NIGHT emoticon emoticon

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JANUT57 11/28/2014 6:54PM

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1CRAZYDOG 11/28/2014 5:50PM

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Rest Home

Monday, November 24, 2014


Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on a two-week-trial basis. Consequently, she took a small overnight case with only the bare essentials.

A couple of days later her niece was surprised to get a phone call from her demanding more clothes.

"Please bring me that good black silk, my lavender print, the brown wool..." and she went on and on. Finally after a brief questioning from her niece, Aunt Mary expostulated:

"There are MEN in this place!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 11/26/2014 11:09PM

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DOROTHYBERO 11/25/2014 8:50AM

    LOL!

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1CRAZYDOG 11/24/2014 7:44PM

    emoticon

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LINMAT 11/24/2014 7:08PM

    Oh thank you for sharing that!!

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WESAPHILLIPS 11/24/2014 7:05PM

  Hilarious!!!

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MELYROD18 11/24/2014 7:02PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CAROL494 11/24/2014 6:32PM

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Shopping

Saturday, November 22, 2014

My husband had reluctantly agreed to come shopping with me. But when he found himself stuck in a lingerie shop while I tried on one garment after another, he regretted his decision. Impatient and bored he asked a salesclerk, "Is there anything in the store for men?"

"Sir," she said, "everything in this store is for men."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 11/23/2014 6:51AM

    emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 11/22/2014 10:12PM

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GRAMMYEAC 11/22/2014 10:01PM

    You bet'cha!!

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KNEEMAKER 11/22/2014 9:47PM

  As a male, I agree 100%. Thanks for sharing.

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KNEEMAKER 11/22/2014 9:45PM

  As a male, I agree 100%. Thanks for sharing.

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LUCYCAN7 11/22/2014 8:01PM

  Sooooo True everything in there is for MAN,duh? emoticon emoticon
Thanks for sharing!Linda

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MCFITZ2 11/22/2014 6:22PM

    Teeee heeeee heeeee so true emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/22/2014 6:12PM

    Touche!

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ARNETTELEE 11/22/2014 6:06PM

  Ha ha ha

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Vacuum Salesman

Friday, November 21, 2014

A little old woman answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Good morning," said the young man.

"If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.

"Go away!" said the old woman. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said.

"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

In addition, with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old woman stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 11/23/2014 6:51AM

    emoticon

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LUCYCAN7 11/22/2014 12:23PM

  OH NO,YUCK! emoticon THANKS LINDA

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GRAMMYEAC 11/21/2014 10:45PM

    Oh, no!

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BECKYSFRIEND 11/21/2014 10:13PM

    emoticon

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MCFITZ2 11/21/2014 8:36PM

    Yes I have heard this one before. Still funny. emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/21/2014 7:32PM

    Bwahahaha!

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English School

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Donald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 11/20/2014 10:03AM

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GRAMMYEAC 11/19/2014 9:16PM

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1CRAZYDOG 11/19/2014 7:48PM

    surprise ending to that!

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LUCYCAN7 11/19/2014 7:40PM

  OMG THAT IS GREAT! emoticon THANKS FOR SHARING! emoticon

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