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Drinking

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Note: These are not my views on this subject. Note authors. Interesting.


I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven... --Brian O'Rourke

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANAMORPHOSIS 1/5/2014 1:50PM

    Cheers! Alcohol makes some people happy, others sad. But it has a lot of empty calories too!

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MOTLEM 12/23/2013 2:41AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Hic! Burp. Hic! Burp. Hic! Burp. Hic! Burp. Hic!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/23/2013 2:42:09 AM

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DOROTHYBERO 12/22/2013 7:51AM

    Its really kibnd of sad really - drinking destroys so many lives.

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RDEE22 12/22/2013 1:07AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing that!

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1CRAZYDOG 12/21/2013 8:42PM

    emoticon

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Christmas Carols

Friday, December 20, 2013

Christmas Carols For Psychiatric Patients

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personalities: We Three Queens Disoriented Are

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

Paranoia: Santa Claus is Coming to Town (to Get Me)

Mania: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and....

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, Then Maybe I'll Tell You Why!

Attention Deficit Disorder: Silent night, Holy -- oooh look at the kitty! Can I have chocolate? Why is France so far away?

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Bipolar Disorder: O Come, All Ye Faithful -- no, get the hell away from me.

Alzheimer's: What Child is This?

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (Then Took Away...)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 12/21/2013 6:46AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 12/20/2013 3:55PM

    emoticon

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NKING1982 12/20/2013 11:02AM

    Lol thanks for sharing

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The Lie Detector Robot

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A father buys a lie detector robot; it slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out on his son at supper.

"Where were you last night?"

"I was at the library."

robot slaps son

"OK, OK," the boy says, rubbing his arm. "I was at Jerry's house."

"Doing what?" asks the mother.

"Watching a movie. Toy Story."

robot slaps son

"OK, it was porn!" cried the son.

Father yells: "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!"

robot slaps the father

The mother laughs and says, "He certainly is your son!"

robot slaps the mother

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOTLEM 12/10/2013 5:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/10/2013 5:34:17 PM

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ALICIA214 12/10/2013 12:00PM

 

We should gift some politicians with the robot,should cause some chaos.


Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year.



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NKING1982 12/10/2013 11:51AM

    Lol thanks for sharing emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 12/10/2013 11:48AM

    . . . and then the REAL slap down started! LOLOL

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Girls Night Out

Monday, December 09, 2013

Girls Night Out,

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.
My relief was short-lived.

Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50.

My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?

The woman in me took over!

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 12/10/2013 7:54AM

    OMG! ROFLMBO!!!!!

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RDEE22 12/10/2013 12:09AM

    So Good!!! I laughed and laughed. emoticon

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MOTLEM 12/9/2013 11:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Ten Times Married! Plus One More

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

She replied.... "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up and running.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... Oh I miss him so much !

But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"

"Good," said the husband, "But, why?"

"You work for the Internal Revenue Service... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHESAKAT41 12/3/2013 9:43PM

    Super funny - great post...

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FUTUREHOPE49 11/21/2013 2:41PM

    emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 11/21/2013 12:05AM

    emoticon

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MOTLEM 11/20/2013 8:03PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/20/2013 7:09PM

    Right-O! emoticon

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SLIM4LIFE09 11/20/2013 5:20PM

    LOL! Thanks for the chuckle!

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