PT.JEFFGIRL   116,366
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
PT.JEFFGIRL's Recent Blog Entries

Whales

Saturday, September 27, 2014

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher: asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 9/30/2014 7:59AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRAMMYEAC 9/27/2014 11:22PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BECKYSFRIEND 9/27/2014 11:15PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 9/27/2014 10:38PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUMBLEBEERN 9/27/2014 5:03PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARIJH 9/27/2014 3:45PM

  Sad but true!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Insurance

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A client called to report an accident and ask if her insurance rates would go up.

"Our underwriting department determines that", I said. Then I asked for her license number. Verifying her information, I asked, "NMF? Is that N as in Nancy, M as in Mary, and F as in Frank?"

"Well... yes," she said. "But could you please tell your underwriters that it's also N as in Not, M as in My, and F as in fault?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 9/27/2014 11:16PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOROTHYBERO 9/25/2014 6:11AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MILPAM3 9/24/2014 4:54PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 9/24/2014 3:40PM

    That's rich!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Random Thoughts of A Woman

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 LBS.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat," Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of person to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen you.. do it and you die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYSFRIEND 9/27/2014 11:17PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DOROTHYBERO 9/24/2014 10:26AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEWMEISHERE 9/24/2014 5:15AM

    some good quotes there,Thanks for making me smile a little this morning

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 9/23/2014 10:04PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Random Thoughts of A Woman

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 LBS.

My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat," Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of person to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "Listen you.. do it and you die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him.)

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHHHISC 9/23/2014 5:59PM

  emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MM11113 9/23/2014 5:55PM

    Cute

Report Inappropriate Comment


More Things Women Want To Hear, But Never Do

Monday, September 22, 2014

I'm getting a little tired of steak on the grill. How about a nice quiche?

You know, I think I'd really prefer the four-door sedan to that impractical Corvette.

Golly I think we're lost. Let me find a gas station to ask for directions.

My golf clubs are only 30 years old. Why don't you use the money my parents gave us to get something nice for the house.

If the guys call and want me to go to that new sports club with them, tell them I'm busy. I really want to get the living room painted tonight.

Sports cars are just such stupid little toys for men who have never really grown up.

If you're looking for me later, I'll be over there looking at the home decorating magazines.

You know, we really don't visit your relatives enough.

Why don't you relax this weekend. I'll take care of the cooking and housework.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 9/27/2014 7:25AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1CRAZYDOG 9/22/2014 5:30PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 Last Page