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Airlines-Pt. 2

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other anouncements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEE22 9/19/2013 4:22AM

    Thanks for the smile! emoticon emoticon

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MOTLEM 9/18/2013 9:33PM

    Funny! The last one made me cackle the most! emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMYEAC 9/18/2013 9:30PM

    I appreciate when the flight crew has the confidence to step out of their professional strait-jackets and offer a bit of humanity in their remarks.

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/18/2013 9:24PM

    very funny. thanks.

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1CRAZYDOG 9/18/2013 8:26PM

    Too funny!

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2DAWN4 9/18/2013 8:24PM

    Thanks for the chuckle! I have flown many times and although most flight attendents are very professional, there have been a time or two where they used to humor to introduce the flight! Makes for a fun flight!

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Airlines-Pt. 1

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NSPIXIE 9/18/2013 5:27AM

    Thanks for the chuckle...
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MOTLEM 9/17/2013 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/17/2013 3:14PM

    LOL!!!! Sounds like a emoticon would be in order. LOL!

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/17/2013 3:13PM

    Thanks, loved the jokes

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NANA5504 9/17/2013 12:23PM

    LOL at the FA. Probably would not laugh if on the flight. Not until after I gained consciousness at least. Kathryn
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Barber Shop

Monday, September 16, 2013

A man walked into a barber shop and saw dozens of customers waiting. "Will you be long? he enquired.

"Afraid so, probably about two, maybe three hours. Just take a number."|

"Nah. I'll try tomorrow."

The next day there was still a long wait. "Another three hours?"

"Fraid so," said the barber.

"Ah well, I'll try again tomorrow."

The next day - the same dialog with the would-be customer leaving.

The barber looked over, "Harry, I'll give you a free haircut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

Harry left and returned for his free cut.

"Well, where'd he go," the barber inquired.

"He went straight to your house."

It took seventy seven stitches to get Harry's ear back on properly.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOLISTIC5 9/16/2013 8:18PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/16/2013 8:14PM

    Cute!

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MOTLEM 9/16/2013 8:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/16/2013 7:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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RDEE22 9/16/2013 7:13PM

    Started my day with a smile, Thankyou!! emoticon

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Woman On The Bus

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Woman on the Bus pt. 1

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. .

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this...when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCIEMCGOWAN 8/15/2013 8:51AM

    that was worth a good chuckle. thanks.

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RDEE22 8/15/2013 8:00AM

    Linda this is a good one. emoticon

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JACKIE542 8/14/2013 11:39PM

    emoticon

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GRAMMYEAC 8/14/2013 11:29PM

    Too funny!!!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/14/2013 10:08PM

    Lord love a duck!!!!

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KEEP_GOING247 8/14/2013 10:00PM

    emoticon

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MOTLEM 8/14/2013 9:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIFUMARY1 8/14/2013 9:53PM

    cute

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Stay At Home "Mom"

Friday, August 09, 2013

Trade With the Wife

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. 

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. 



He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love -- which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCIEMCGOWAN 8/10/2013 8:34AM

    so funny. Now lets see him give birth.

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SNOOPYMOMMA72 8/9/2013 10:12PM

    emoticon

I am laughing out loud with that one! That is just too funny! Men!

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MOTLEM 8/9/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon

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GRAMMYEAC 8/9/2013 8:35PM

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1CRAZYDOG 8/9/2013 8:32PM

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