PT.JEFFGIRL   111,202
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Airlines-Pt. 3

Thursday, September 19, 2013

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.

If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, we'll but try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEE22 9/20/2013 8:05PM

    Thanks for the smiley start to my day! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/19/2013 9:26PM

    emoticon

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MOTLEM 9/19/2013 8:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/19/2013 4:04PM

    I always loved flying on Southwest. They have a great sense of humor.

thanks.

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ALICIA214 9/19/2013 12:44PM

 

As I am a former flight attendant I can safely say those comments would be received with mixed comments.. emoticon

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Airlines-Pt. 2

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other anouncements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RDEE22 9/19/2013 4:22AM

    Thanks for the smile! emoticon emoticon

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MOTLEM 9/18/2013 9:33PM

    Funny! The last one made me cackle the most! emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMYEAC 9/18/2013 9:30PM

    I appreciate when the flight crew has the confidence to step out of their professional strait-jackets and offer a bit of humanity in their remarks.

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/18/2013 9:24PM

    very funny. thanks.

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1CRAZYDOG 9/18/2013 8:26PM

    Too funny!

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2DAWN4 9/18/2013 8:24PM

    Thanks for the chuckle! I have flown many times and although most flight attendents are very professional, there have been a time or two where they used to humor to introduce the flight! Makes for a fun flight!

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Airlines-Pt. 1

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NSPIXIE 9/18/2013 5:27AM

    Thanks for the chuckle...
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MOTLEM 9/17/2013 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/17/2013 3:14PM

    LOL!!!! Sounds like a emoticon would be in order. LOL!

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/17/2013 3:13PM

    Thanks, loved the jokes

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NANA5504 9/17/2013 12:23PM

    LOL at the FA. Probably would not laugh if on the flight. Not until after I gained consciousness at least. Kathryn
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Barber Shop

Monday, September 16, 2013

A man walked into a barber shop and saw dozens of customers waiting. "Will you be long? he enquired.

"Afraid so, probably about two, maybe three hours. Just take a number."|

"Nah. I'll try tomorrow."

The next day there was still a long wait. "Another three hours?"

"Fraid so," said the barber.

"Ah well, I'll try again tomorrow."

The next day - the same dialog with the would-be customer leaving.

The barber looked over, "Harry, I'll give you a free haircut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

Harry left and returned for his free cut.

"Well, where'd he go," the barber inquired.

"He went straight to your house."

It took seventy seven stitches to get Harry's ear back on properly.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOLISTIC5 9/16/2013 8:18PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/16/2013 8:14PM

    Cute!

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MOTLEM 9/16/2013 8:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARCIEMCGOWAN 9/16/2013 7:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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RDEE22 9/16/2013 7:13PM

    Started my day with a smile, Thankyou!! emoticon

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Woman On The Bus

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Woman on the Bus pt. 1

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ... The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. .

The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this...when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' .... I just lost it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCIEMCGOWAN 8/15/2013 8:51AM

    that was worth a good chuckle. thanks.

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RDEE22 8/15/2013 8:00AM

    Linda this is a good one. emoticon

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JACKIE542 8/14/2013 11:39PM

    emoticon

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GRAMMYEAC 8/14/2013 11:29PM

    Too funny!!!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/14/2013 10:08PM

    Lord love a duck!!!!

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KEEP_GOING247 8/14/2013 10:00PM

    emoticon

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MOTLEM 8/14/2013 9:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIFUMARY1 8/14/2013 9:53PM

    cute

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