Wednesday, November 20, 2013
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin.
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?
She replied.... "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up and running.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ... Oh I miss him so much !
But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!"
"Good," said the husband, "But, why?"
"You work for the Internal Revenue Service... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!"
Thursday, October 24, 2013
A little long, but somewhat funny. I don't understand the rose references.
Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one.
Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?
No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one.
Why do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty good?
Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 30 days.
Can I use the old one and just re-register it?
No, you must get a new one.
I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember.
Sorry, you must get a new one.
Sorry you must use more letters.
OK, pretty roses
No good, you must use at least one numerical character.
OK, 1 pretty rose
Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces.
Sorry, you must use additional characters.
Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter.
Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row.
Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters.
OK, 1FREAKINGprettyroseshovedupyourbehindifyou don'tgivemeaccessrightfreakingnow
Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Allow that you would have little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.
Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.
Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.
Ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, 'Of course I was totally hammered at the time.'
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Coach Jones called the young lad in from center field during a Little League game for a conference.
"See here Larry," said the coach, "you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You also know we don't tolerate temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, sir," replied Larry.
"Well, then Larry," sighed Coach Jones, "would you please try to explain it to your mother?"
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