PSYRN0313's Recent Blog Entries

Today is always a new day

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I can start over at any time. Is this an excuse to do badly or a motivational tool to stay on track. Well today it is motivation for me. This past weekend I actualy walked several times, I painted, and I did without bread. My diet continues to improve but I am not loosing weight. Who cares, I feel better emotionally. I walked through the pain and did not have a single asthma attack. God is Good.

I plan to continue on this course of action and yes I expect to falter but today is always a new day so I can start over at any time. I have known this a long time but get caught up in my pitty party celebrations and forget. Fortunately I have a short term memory problem and usually forget to celebrate.

Work is going as expected, no promotion, no raise, no recognition except 180 days perfect attendance. emoticon At least I can do that well. Maybe I need to track the rest of my life to see how well I am doing. I should love my life as much as I love my work, I suppose. Gonna talk to psychiatrist about things that have been bothering me, memory loss. Well that's another blog. I have a lot of things I need to deal with cause I'm telling you they can make you sick. It's time to get well, holistically.

I do not know if anything I write makes sense or helps anyone but healing comes from within and I feel secure in saying, this website may have saved my life. Just because we appear to have it all together does not allow for the grief we hold inside.

Hope you had a wonderful 4th, love your family and be kind to yourself as you do those around you.

Gina from Tennessee emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BWCAGRL 7/7/2010 9:48PM

    It does take time, but you have the right attitude. Don't give up or give in...keep tracking and keep exploring and learning. You are giving yourself a wonderful gift!

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JEN-TINK1 7/7/2010 5:36PM

    The fact that your not loosing my be a medical condition,and or
you not active enough. Don't let it get you down though. If you feel good
Other than the fact that your not loosing.Good for you.

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It's a Sad Day

Monday, June 28, 2010

My (TACO) a nine year old mix died this morning. He had heart failure and seizures so there was little they could do for him. He was a gift to my daughter when he was small enough to fit in one hand, and he had attitude. Little man syndrome my husband would say. Although he was friends with Buddy the great dane and 2 boxers, he ruled the yard and couch.

Last night as I held him, I ask my husband to put him down the next day if nothing had happened. He had stopped eating or drinking and had labored breathing. His body was beginning to feel cold so we both knew something was happening. I left for my son's house and kissed him good bye. My husband called to say he had passed around 3 am. He will be buried next to my schnauzer on our farm.

Dealing with the death of anyone is difficult. We all approach it in different ways. I have always taken a few minutes to grieve, remember some special things, then let it go. I am a in the moment kind of person. If I can do nothing about a situation, I look for ways to get past it. In the same way if I can do something about a situation, I will go out of my way to fix it.

I want to know how you deal with a bad situation. What gets you through it??? Do you run and wait for someone else to be strong or do you step up to the plate so to speak.



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYFOLDER 6/29/2010 9:00AM

    Our kitties and our puppies are just as much family as our parents, children, and siblings - for some of us they are closer because they are with us every day. Take the time to grieve in your own way, but also take comfort from the knowledge that Taco is now playing like a little puppy again, free from the pain of an aging body.

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SHANAHAN00 6/29/2010 8:55AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I tend to give myself time to grieve, then remind myself that they're not suffering any longer and that helps.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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METALLICAT1 6/29/2010 7:53AM

    I am so sorry about Taco. It almost sounds just like the way Carbon Copy was when he passed in Fed this year. Though he didn't have seizures, he had a bit of breathing trouble and looked for somewhere to go, to die I expect. But I kept him on my chest until my dad came to take me to the vet ER. CC died in my arms on the way. He had just rurned 15 yrs old the day before. I cried like hell but then I just got some pictures out to go through and remembered the time I took the pics and the situations. It made me smile and laugh sometimes. Then I just though CC is with his older brother Tequila who passed last year from Cancer. And I have Sneaky Pi here to keep me going.

Prayers to you and your fur babies. emoticon emoticon

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NANALD 6/28/2010 11:14PM

    I am so sorry to read about the loss of Taco. Dogs provide such wonderful unconditional love and friendship that it is always difficult to lose them but then all loss is difficult. To answer your question, I don't think there is any right or wrong way to experience grief. I do think it is important to allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling without judgement. Hopefully, your family can remember all the good times you had with Taco and know that dealing with the loss will become easier with time. I will be thinking of you. emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/28/2010 11:15:46 PM

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IAM_HIS2 6/28/2010 10:56PM

    I had to put down my special cat, Rita Louise. She helped me get through a lot of tough spots in life. It was so hard to put her down. So to get through it I buried her in the spot she loved to sit and enjoy the sun. I have a special rock and flowers to remember her.

Taco, thank you for being a good friend to this lovely lady and her family.

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KAYDE53 6/28/2010 10:51PM

    So sorry to read of your loss. It's so hard to lose a pet; just like a member of the family!! My thoughts & prayers are with you! emoticon emoticon

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BEGONIAC 6/28/2010 7:25PM

    I'm so sorry about Taco....I had to let my 13 yr. old Nannie go last fall and it just about broke my heart. I still feel her love though.

For me, there's no where to run to escape the grief. Better to honor it for me. emoticon

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MONTANAROWAN 6/28/2010 4:07PM

    Oh, it's so hard! I don't know how to tell yow how to grieve because we are all different, but don't let anyone belittle you for mourning however you see fit. It's your loss, and it's very personal, but do try to take care of yourself and try to get some exercise! It really does help your head!

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RHCOOKSON 6/28/2010 4:00PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I lost our little Chico last September. It is never easy - they are family.

My thoughts are with you.

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ETTEZEUS 6/28/2010 3:50PM

    I'm sorry for your loss!
I can't really say how I deal with all situations as it depends on the situation or my state of mind over it. I deal with all situations differently. It also depends what else is going on in my life at the time.

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MIAMIA7 6/28/2010 3:38PM

    Again, sorry for you loss Gina. Good question about how we deal with death. I fell apart for a few days when we lost our 11 yr old cocker spaniel. I think it was harder because my boys grew up with her and my then 16 yr. old held her as she died. Broke my heart. Then last Dec. I lost my Mom who I was the main caregiver. I held her hand when she went, cried when she took her last breath and then took over getting everything in order. The funeral, the cleaning out of the house, the painting and freshening up and putting it up for sale, the legal issues of the will. My sister and I took charge and really seemed to hold the family together. I cry when I go to their graves. I cry when friends parents pass. But I know that my parents lived a full life and were lucky enough to pass without much suffering. Long winded answer...sorry.

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YAY_PIXISBACK 6/28/2010 3:21PM

    This is a hard time. Allow yourself to grieve, the process is healthy. Soon you will be able to smile then to laugh with your memories. emoticon

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SUSABELLA627 6/28/2010 3:06PM

    I am very sorry for your loss!

Stay strong and remember the joy he brought to your life.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

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SBATES63 6/28/2010 2:59PM

    I'm sorry to hear you've lost a friend. Rejoice in the joy he's given you over his life.

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TUDI4480 6/28/2010 2:50PM

    Losing a pet that has been part of the family can be challenging. I find comfort in great memories of all the really good times/experiences with my dog. She always made me laugh every day. I think about some of the things she used to do...and she still is making me laugh and smile right now.

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/28/2010 2:50:50 PM

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CRIT524 6/28/2010 2:50PM

    I would take joy in remembering the good times :) Sounds like he was a character!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 6/28/2010 2:47PM

    Hi Gina,
I am so sorry for your loss! When I lost my pug mix I cried for 3 days and I let myself just keep crying until I felt better. Then I tried to be strong and think that at least his suffering was past. He knew you loved him right until the last minute. Take comfort in knowing he had an extraordinary life with you and your family.

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  I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's very cliche, but the best comfort for me when I've lost pets in the past is that they are no longer in pain and they are in a better place now. Nevertheless I am so sorry for your loss. emoticon

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Weather is a Killer!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Had the day off, it's a good thing. I went outside twice and couldn't breath. I think my lungs are getting worse. I have no breathing capacity in this weather, 99 with humidity. Tennessee is ugly now. I am so furtunate to have a good husband.. He really takes good care of me.

I see myself as a skinny person in a fat girls body. I have to laugh at myself sometimes. Being upset takes too much energy and I don't have any to spare. I don't want my kids to see me feeling like this. They are already stressed with the economy.

I can't believe my grandson will be here soon. I will let you all know, hopefully with a pic if I can find the camera my lovely has lost.

I want to talk about issues now. We all have issues and we all handle them differently. I think finding a healthy way of dealing with issues is the most difficult part. I tend to look for the quickest of easiest way to get past something but recently I had to actually make a change in order to deal with this.

I work with psychiatric patients and I have this MR girl who wears me out. She is demanding, intrusive, attention seeking. She has hurt several people and requires a firm hand. I reached the end o my rope with her and lost my temper. It is not appropriate. I had to look within to make sure this didn't happen again. The process was positive. I have dealt with her more effectively this week, no restraints and no temper flairs. YEH me.

This tells me I can do this weight thing, I just have to figure out what works for me and do it. The support has blown me away. SP are special people. Think I'll stick around.

Gina emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IAM_HIS2 6/27/2010 3:18PM

    God bless your field you honestly have ultra rough moments and clients. You are to be congratulated for making that incident t into a win-win moment for your client and you--you have learned to improvement you and understand your counseling approach with your client.

So I say congratulations and keep growing inwardly, because that's what happens when you are good in your field of work. And my friend, you are obviously good.

May this new week be filled with successes for you and your clients.

Comment edited on: 6/27/2010 3:20:08 PM

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JEN-TINK1 6/26/2010 9:49PM

    I will have to send rain!

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EMIKAIT 6/25/2010 9:35PM

    The heat in NC is awful too!!

It takes a very special person to work in the field that you do! They can be a difficult group to handle. I have some fond but also some pretty scary memories of my rotation on the psych ward!!

Good luck with your weight loss journey!! You can do it!

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Look what I learned!!

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Well, what happens if you only eat when you are truely hungry?? I gave it a week. I have learned if I eat when I get hungry instead of eating at regular intervals, I feel full faster so I eat less. Problem is I have also had some health issues flair up this week so I will need to give it another try after I am feeling better. Haven't really consumed enough calories this week when working so many hours.

Turns out an autoimmune disease makes you feel bad, often. Who knew. I get tired of saying " no I don't feel ok, I really feel bad" so please stop asking. Never mind, I am just lashing out. I don't know what to do. Sometimes it is all I can do to get through the day.

Have an interested buyer for the house at the worst time. Tryin to buy a house for youngest daughter, almost time for grandson's delivery, trying to get mom and dad in a liveable house, and interviewed for a new position at work. Not a good time for anything new. I want to go back to bed. emoticon

Hope I am not boring you, life gets complicated sometimes. We do our best and hope for the best. I am so happy to have a safe place to go, vent, feel better, feel loved. OH, I am looking for a new happy song, any suggestions??

G from Tennessee emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEN-TINK1 6/28/2010 4:23PM

    I know how you feel.My cat died to recently.
I wont go into detail.but is hard.
my 4 year old neice said it best he just moved to
heaven,and is waiting for you.

a great big hug Jennifer

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FLOOSIEMAGOO 6/25/2010 8:15PM

    Sounds to me like you don't have a boring life at all. What a fantastic time to get in shape. See, you already knew that. I am happy that another nearly 50-year old is walking in my path too.

We have so much to look forward to!

Spark Baby!

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POOKAQUEEN 6/24/2010 5:01PM

    Stay strong. I'm sorry everything is so rough for you now, it'll get better!

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Learning About Me

Monday, June 14, 2010

Well it's been a week and I have lost 2 lbs. I need to weigh again soon. This weekend is vacation for me and my husband. I want to do something physical but he is not looking for that. I know we will go to a hotel somewhere and eat. Than's all he wants to do. I hate it, I'm tired of fighting and going against the tide. Not sure what to do now.

I really feel like I am on the right track with this and don't want to mess it up. If I say something about another diet I will never hear the end of it. emoticon

I took a B 12 shot Saturday and Sunday was amazing. I felt good, had lots of energy and my happy cup was running over. I think I'll try that again, may have been dumb luck.

I want to learn what does it for me. I know I am not happy in my marriage at the time but I'm not sure why. Is it me? If it is what is it about me? He is a good man but he just gets on my d*** nerves. He supports me in everything I do except when it comes to loosing weight. Does he think I will leave if I loose weight?

I am learning that I am a happy person with a good sense of humor. I love to do things for people and I would give anyone anything. I can't be me at home. It is going to take some time and counseling to figure this out.

Gina from Tennessee

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDI_CUTIE 6/23/2010 7:54PM

    Hi Gina,
It's OK to vent on a blog! It is a lot safer than ranting to people in your everyday life!

It is very hard to get very far if you don't have your husband's support, but you might have to come up with ways to make it work even if he is not quite "there" yet on giving you what you need.

I hope your weekend vacation went well.

Talk to you soon.


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PSYRN0313 6/16/2010 8:25PM

    I am not sure if he doesn't want me to loose or if he has seen so many other attempts fail. He is all about the money so everytime I spend and gain he gets very disturbed, and rightly so. I do too.
I try to be as positive as I can, so if my blogs get too over the edge "pull me back in" please. Sometimes I just need to vent.
He really is a wonderful man but he has never face or experienced the things I have so he has no perspective to lead with, that's why I don't have sit downs with him. I blog.

G emoticon

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LINDA! 6/16/2010 1:03AM

    I am sorry that your husband isn't supportive with your weight loss. My husband was the same way but finally did give in to exercising with me and slowly coming around to better eating habits. Good luck!!

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GOLDCHOCOBO 6/14/2010 10:02PM

    You just want to live better so you can be around for your husband and children for a long time. Im sure if you explain it like that he will truly understand. Kallif is 100% right: You deserve to be happy. Learn to love you emoticon

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SCIFIREADER 6/14/2010 8:54PM

    I hope that you and hubby can sit down and talk. You need to find out why he is against you loosing weight. You deserve to be happy and you want him in your life with you. Good luck

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