PROJECTLORNA   88,071
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It is November

Friday, November 08, 2013

I've done it again. I fell off the wagon, rolled into the ditch, down the hill and into a canyon. My weight is at 190. Wow, how could I let myself go that far into the abyss. I need to hitch up the hoist and pull myself up out of the canyon and back up the hill. Then onto the road and SP wagon. I haven't been this big since 2010 and I was doing so well until this summer. I need to learn to love myself again as I was pretty disgusted with my body when the breast cancer diagnosis came in August. Even my oncologist said to me "You have done everything right and still got cancer." So I am thinking why bother to take care of myself and fell into a eating binge for several months. Now I am at 190. I gained almost 40 pounds in 4 months. Oh if I could only lose like I can gain. I left my exercise program in the dust and now need to start all over with that too. But this is the first day of the rest of my life and now that I hit bottom again all I can do is go up. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENIEBELLE 11/8/2013 5:13PM

    Hi Lorna, So good to see you writing a blog, and sorting out your feelings. It's tough after what you've gone through. I agree, it's incredible how quickly we can gain. Why oh why can't we get rid of it just as quickly, I don't know. Wish I had an answer.

I, too, hit 190 in late 2010, and am a shorty like you. Unlike you though, I keep stalling in the 180's and 170's and never have been able to get out of that rut. I'm glad you were able to get down for awhile at least, that was good. I still believe in my heart that I can, and I know you can too, and we will maintain and not gain it back. emoticon and I really mean that.

People keep writing about loving ourselves, and I always thought I did, but I guess way down deep I must feel I don't deserve to be a normal weight. I don't know why, because I was a normal weight most of my life, until I was in my 40's and started yo-yoing, and then in my late 40's I had a medical condition and like you, literally gained at the rate of 10 lbs a month until I tapered off at about 177. (from 127) Then I would creep up into the 180's and back down again into the 170's. Then I had another gain up to 190 in late 2010. That freaked me out, and I've managed to stay under that, but just barely. It's like I've had a mental block for years.

I would go on/off Spark People and this last time I came back on, in late Sept. a little over a month ago, I decided that no matter what the scale says, I'm still going to stay on here. It's like I was embaressed that my weight didn't go down, and I didn't deserve to be on here with everyone else. Oh I know there are thousands of people struggling, but I felt conspicuous. Now I know better and will stay on and keep trying. I keep praying for a turning point.

Lorna, God Bless you, little one. You are one of the sweetest people on here. Keep trying and keep in touch. Good friends like you are few and far between. I really care what happens. Go light on yourself and ease back into things. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon ~Sandi

PS we're going out of town on Mon. and won't be back for almost a month, so I won't be on here as much, but I'll still be on when I can. Save a seat on the bus for me. emoticon

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NHES220 11/8/2013 2:53PM

    Lorna - ain't that the truth, if only any of us could lose like we can gain! You were hit with a scary diagnosis, but I know you will get back on track. You can do this!
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Third anniversary and still struggling...

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

My third anniversary with SP was two days ago. I have kept off thirty pounds with spark. Right now I am struggling back and forth between 155 and 170.(Overweight would be 153 down to 130.) It seems as though as soon as I get to close to overweight, I space out and go right back up to 170. Is this psychological? I don't know. I am real good through the winter and then summer comes and I get whacked out of shape. I can't seem to use the food scale, measuring cups and spoons to control my portions. I buy and eat ice cream in the summer where I don't in the winter. I buy and eat junk food in the summer where I don't in the winter. Maybe it is where I shop in the summer. They always have this stuff on sale for the tourists and because I think I am getting a bargain that I buy more of the junk. So then it is in the house to tempt me. We do more socializing in the summer than in the winter also. All poor excuses, so I am struggling. emoticon emoticon I do a lot of walking in the campground for exercise but this year we have had an unusual amount of black bears here. Not fun to run into one of them. And I have twice so far. emoticon I use the treadmill in the winter. Don't have to watch for the bears then. So thanks for listening to my lamentations. I need to buckle down and get back to business. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEENIEBELLE 10/17/2013 11:48PM

    Hi Lorna, I'm looking up old friends to say Hi. I joined about 3 years ago too and I've un-joined and joined back several times. (just re-joined 2 weeks ago) This time I'm staying "joined" to SP no matter what!! Hope you are feeling better. Stop by and say Hi. emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 8/13/2013 10:17AM

    You can make it happen - maybe the trick is to stop worrying about it and feeling guilty - try planning for those snacks and do more exercise, socialize and eat some but not all of the stuff. You might even change your mindset to say - "I plan to maintain through the summer." instead of beating yourself up about NOT LOSING. I find that giving myself permission to "MAINTAIN" occasionally instead of losing often results in my actually LOSING.

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KACAR51 8/13/2013 9:19AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Retired

Monday, September 03, 2012

I retired on 7/12/12 and the first thing I did was gain 10 pounds. emoticon I did too much of this emoticon and not enough of this emoticon. My new goal is to lose the 10 pounds that I gained by my birthday.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACKIE542 9/3/2012 12:57PM

    emoticon

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UMBILICAL 9/3/2012 12:42PM

  Retire but stay moving. LOL

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Choose life

Sunday, January 29, 2012

This is choose life sunday. Choosing life can mean a lot of things. Not only does it concern the abortion issue but also concerns everyday living. Choosing life also means making informed decisions to make life longer. Eating healthy and exercising. Wearing seatbelts. Not smoking. And a million other things that is choosing longer life before death. emoticon

  
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THINAGIN2 1/29/2012 12:10PM

    emoticon

I have chosen all of thoes things and I am much healthier for it! I do choose life!

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Victim

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

I am done being a victim of my excess weight. I only have a few clothes that I can wear as I refuse to buy anything new that will fit when I have a closet full of smaller clothes. I hurt, my joints crackle and creak. My hip replacement pops. I have to use my arms to help myself out of chairs when sitting. My feet hurt after being on them for a couple hours. I am at risk for heart attack, stroke or diabetes to name a few. I will be 62 on Sunday and would like to retire from my job in spring. Would I be able to get health insurance at my weight??? Probably not. How can I retire without health insurance??? I Can't. Risk insurance is a possibility but at a price. Therefore I am a victim and my weight is the cause. And I am the cause of the weight. As long as I am obese I cannot live the life I want. So starting last Monday, I have resolved to unvictimize myself. I will no longer allow my weight to dictate my life. The weight will be gone pound by pound. It will no longer overpower me. I am fighting back and I will retire and live a long and healthy life. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FOREVERTWILIGHT 1/29/2012 12:47PM

    Good for you! When I start to feel sorry for myself about the health issues I've had, I tell myself that I can not be a victim and a survivor at the same time. The choice is mine to make. And I choose to be a survivor.
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DIANAOR1 10/6/2011 9:10PM

    Good luck to you!

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1CRAZYDOG 10/6/2011 10:09AM

    Pla your work and work your plan and you'll be able to achieve your healthy lifestyle. You're not alone.

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MRE1956 10/6/2011 6:33AM

    emoticon

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